Those Who Assume they are Invited..

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Honestly….we had a limited guest list and budget, so we sent out invites to those we knew we wanted to be there. A few declined quickly, so we sent out a few more invites a little while later (like, week or two) to others. We didn’t have an actual “list” but it worked out that none of these people knew they weren’t on the first round of invites, because they were a part of a same “friend” group, so it’s not like one mentioned to the other they received an invite and the other hadn’t. I think it only works if the extra people you invite don’t have a clue when other people got their invites. So if you invite Friend A at first, and they know your other Friend B, and they get to talking and Friend B discovers she got her invite several weeks later, it’s kind of obvious she was B-listed. So if you are going to do that I would sure that wouldn’t happen.

Post # 4
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

If you want more people in attendance, can you do a cake and punch reception vs. dinner? 

Personally, I wouldn’t be hurt not being invited if I knew it was family-only. I *would* be hurt finding out I was ‘second tier’ and only invited because someone else declined. 

Post # 5
Member
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. Everyone has to draw the line somewhere,whether that line is determined by budget or capacity.

If someone is rude enough to say they hope they are invited, you respond  ” That is so flattering that you would like to attend. Unfortunately we will not be able to host everyone we would like to have with us on our special day. I’m sure you understand.”

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We will be doing the list 1, List 2 invites – but i plan on sending the invites in waves (a week apart type thing)… so the immediate family goes first, then extended fam, then groups of friends etc… The List 2 are mostly coworkers and people not friends with others invited…hoping that if i leave those to the end, we will have a better idea where we stand and no one will feel that they were List 2!

Post # 8
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Another option that I bet will be controversial, but I will throw it wout there anyways! When my mom had her second wedding, budget was an issue and so her guest list limited to family and close friends only and she wasnt able to invite some coworkers etc…a compromise she did was to have some invites for drinks and reception AFTER the dinner… I imagine some people could be offended by this – but these were people my mom was able to speak to about it BEFORE invites went out and explained that they were limited to a number of guests but really wanted to celebrate with everyone and this was their option…she also discouraged gifts… The option worked out really well and the people that were AFTER dinner guests, were happy to have been included and i believe almost all came! (This option would be entirely dependent on the type of people you have on list 2)

Post # 10
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee

First- one of the loveliest weddings we ever attended was one for which we were invited as C LIST! We totally understood the circumstances and were treated, just as everyone else, like royalty.

Second, I think your desire to incorporate many who are “near and dear” is more important than the listing process.

It should be obvious to all who are invited by you that they are special and important and wanted at your celebration. Make your plans with joy and confidence!

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