(Closed) Those who can and cannot afford kids…..

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 47
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bowsergirl:  I am sorry, but my ex and I never spent a dime on condoms. you can easily get them for free

Post # 48
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@CloverQueen:  +100 I was just going to post this.

I’m due with my baby any day now, he was certainly unplanned, and my husband and I do recieve government assistance.  Anytime there are posts on the Bee regarding topics like this, it just makes me sad.

Neither of us want to be on welfare, but there’s no way we would be able to make it otherwise.  We do everything we can to save money, but there are no good jobs in this area.  My husband works 24 hours a week, night shift, at a local gas station for just a little over minumum wage.  He has a congenital eye disorder that makes him unable to drive, so he’s limited in travel.  This is a job he can walk to in an bumf*ck nowhere area where public transport ends at 4pm Monday-Saturday. He has a bachelors degree in psychology, but all the social services jobs in the area require you to have a driver’s license.  He doesn’t want to apply for disability, because he is able to work, it’s just being able to get himself to a place to work that is the issue.  He’s applied to so many jobs to either be told he’s over qualified because of his degree and background in research or they think he can’t see well enough to preform, which isn’t the case.  He’s been fired from his past two jobs due to things beyond his control or others’ mistakes and my heart drops anytime I see that his current job is calling because I immediatly think they’re going to tell him to just “don’t bother coming in anymore.”  Then we’ll have 0 income. 

I’m on six weeks unpaid maternity leave so my income isn’t coming through and my employer made it very clear that they have no obligation to hold my job.  I’ve heard through the grapevine from coworker friends that they might just rehire someone in my place anyway.  So I may not even have a job to go back to in 6 weeks. 

I didn’t mean this to turn into some woe-is-me diatribe.  But, that’s the thing – it all sucks.  It’s hard and it sucks and it leaves you feeling not-good-enough.  And then, like @CloverQueen has said, it’s hard to get out.  Because as soon as you get a little bit ahead in being able to make it without the benefits, they cut them and you have to struggle to make due and that depeletes any savings you’ve gotten ahead with. So you try and save in cash and then feel like you’re “gaming the system.”

I guess I’m just trying to say, not everyone is super proud to be on welfare and wanting to be on it forever.  I think most of us are the type trying to discreetly use the self-serve grocery store checkoutlanes so no one sees us pull out a food stamp card so others can eye up our purchases to make sure we’re not buying “junk” or food that’s “too good.” I think you hear about the vocal people because they’re vocal.

Post # 49
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@aicila:  I’m sorry, but many people don’t realize there are such resources to obtain them, they could have no such resources available where they live (think rural areas of the US, let alone in other countries), and they lack the education to know how to use them properly.

Post # 50
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

@azzie17:  I think it is sometimes the case, yes. But at the same time, is making kids and not having time for them because they are wealthy but have very busy jobs, a good situation ? Is ”affording” to have kids only a money issue ? I’m not saying that everybody who ”can’t” afford to have kids automatically have quality time with their children, but I’m only thinking about it in the sense that, money isn’t the only thing that makes a domestic environment ”children-friendly”. 

 

Post # 51
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@nineteen87:  I love you. Thank you. That’s our position.

In other news, OP, I have a friend who wants a 3rd kid because she wants one because babies are so cute! (She has a 4 yo from a prior relationship and her now husband has a 4 yo from a prior marriage…..); She ALWAYS complains about how they have no money and can’t afford healthy food and are so behind on bills. So she quit her job and is trying for a 3rd kid. I just can’t understand that kind of thinking. I asked her about saving $ for the kid (and for her two current daughters’ college) and she was like, “You’ll never have enough to afford a kid so why not just do it anyway?”

Okay. Cuz you’re not totally screwing your kids’ future by that choice.

No thanks. But she also dropped out of college because she didn’t “feel like going because it was too hard” and wants everything to be handed to her, so I mean…I have to agree with others that education plays a big part. Not just college, but life education and decision making in general, I think. Fiance and I are going to wait for a while to enjoy ourselves, get on our feet, and at least have our own home and a bit of a nest egg before we even talk about talking about children.

Post # 52
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Some of the things said in this thread makes me very sad and I think some people should be ashamed for judging others so harshly on circumstances that they do not know.

I’d hate to think that because I was born to a teenage mom that I’m likened to a tic tac, and that she was a bad mother to me because I was unplanned and she had to use welfare. She worked 3 jobs to support me as a single mom and did her very best to provide for me in any way she could. She tried hard to not be on welfare, but working shift work and having to also help me out with school, sometimes she had to take government assistance. My mom is uneducated, but she was full of determination and love. She taught me to be humble, graceful and thankful for everything in my life that I DID have. She taught me to dream and to become anything I wanted. 

Guess what? I’m breaking the cycle because of my mom’s strength, hard work and persistence of not letting me make the same mistake. I’m 25, married (no kids) and going to medical school. I wouldn’t change anything about my past life circumstances whatsoever, and I just find it sad that people are judging others so harshly and making it seem like taking a birth control pill is the one and only solution.

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE to this issue that it can’t be as simple as popping a birth control pill or closing your legs. It comes down to education, socioeconomic status, the size of the town the person lives in, available health services, transportation, local economy, family support etc. etc. etc. 

Post # 53
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@tinybee:  +10000

 

Thank you! What is this nonsense, they can’t afford $30 a month for birth control but rather than wait to start a family period, they have kids and continue to roll the dice having unprotected sex resulting in more kids??!!!! Also, why are some acting like having children at a young age in a less than desirable financial state is something to be proud of? OMG, is it that hard for people to understand sex without any contraception can result in a baby

Post # 56
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@HonoraryNerd:  not in the UK (where this strip comes from) – birth control is completely free.

Post # 57
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Plato

@ZombieBullfrogHoller:  Thanks for sharing your story. I think it gets really easy to de-humanise ‘people receiving assistance’ and tar them all with the same sponger brush. In reality, it is estimated that only .8% of total benefit expenditure in the UK is paid out to those playing the system. While I agree that sponging is a problem and the £1.2 billion lost to that .8% is no laughing matter, those numbers also mean that around 99.2% of people receiving benefits are genuinely in need. 

From the information we’ve been given, it does sound like those parents in the article are being irresponsible. However, I think it’s hard to make an accurate judgment because there are all sorts of reasons why they may be on benefits.

Here’s an interesting Guardian article on the subject: http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/apr/06/welfare-britain-facts-myths

Post # 58
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@gelaine22:  I am not 100% on top of NJ Medicaid, but here in PA you only get it while you’re pregnant and postpartum or you completely have no income. So I don’t qualify for that. I just sit here without insurance. I had my tubes tied 6 years ago though, just saying. 

Post # 59
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@azzie17:  There are pros and cons to every side. Everything you can say about welfare Moms is a judgement, an opinion, you cannot know what their personal situations are. And for everything you can say about welfare Moms I can point out something I think is wrong with some people who can “afford” children having children. Which by the way, I’m not sure what you mean by “afford” children. That’s kind of subjective. Regardless of whether or not people work the system, which there are some that do and there always will be, just the way that salaries are lopsided in the fact that the more manual, hard labor you perform the less you get paid. Life is not fair. But regardless…you have to open your eyes to the fact that circumstances can change. And even though it’s not even in your wildest dreams right now, there may come a time where you need those services (welfare and what-not). It would be pretty horrific if the government decided to shut down those services because some people abuse them and you were left standing there penniless, homeless, and starving with your children. So before you judge you may want to entertain the idea that the mother (or parents) of those children might actually have been able afford them when they had them.

Signed – a welfare mom of 5, who has a job and still can’t make ends meet, who unexpectedly lost her decent job 2 years ago, spent a year and a half hunting for a job all the while collecting food stamps and unemployment compensation so that her children didn’t starve and had a place to live and now makes half the money she used to make.

Post # 60
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I believe statistically this is true. I don’t know many people earning mega bucks that have more than 3 kids, most probably because their career is an important part of their life and not conducive to having lots of kids. 

Post # 61
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@CloverQueen:  I had that happen to a friend once too. She was getting divorced, could no longer afford her rent even. She went to apply for benefits and (trying to be honest) and put down that she had $615 in her checking account. That was all the money she had and for the next months rent. Because of it they denied her. So there she was with her choice, rent or food. So she lost her house.

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