Those who eloped, how did you tell family your plans?

posted 1 month ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We always knew we wanted to elope or call it a private wedding or weddingmoon or whatever. And it was no secret. When we got engaged we told everybody that we’re going to Hawaii when the wedding topic came up. 

From my side there was my aunt who wanted a wedding mainly for herself to show off but my mom silenced her immediately. Not sure what she told my aunt but I never heard a word from my aunt about it. My grandma didn’t get the concept of elopement and just kept on saying she’s too old to travel to Hawaii. My friends were very cool about it, I got a bachelorette part and everything. Most seemed even to be a little bit envious of that plan, some even copied the idea (so far there was a Maroco, an Austrian alps and a Florida elopement following our announcement)

His side only his mom said “oh yay a party” and my husband said no “no party” that was it. They were very exited and happy for us. 

So, we didn’t have any “problems” at all. Not that we would have been worried if someone would have been unhappy. We are not in the business to make others happy with our big day. 

If a private ceremony is what you want then go for it. For us it was the most amazing experience. So relaxed and peaceful and fun. It was definitely the best day in my life. 

Post # 4
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

My first husband and I eloped.  We told them once we were married.

Post # 5
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

Present it as a fait accompli. 

We have decided from the get go to have our shared dream of eloping privately to our honeymoon destination. It may disappoint some family and friends but it is what would make us the happiest as we want it truly intimate with just the two of us.

If you are interested, we would be pleased to show you pictures when we return.

Post # 6
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Someone I used to work with set their wedding date for ~10 months out, booked a cool location, and told the family (through word of mouth or save the dates, I don’t know) the date when they’d ask. Then, 2-3 months before that date, they went on a weddingmoon and eloped. He said that only their parents knew. Then they sent out the invitations for their reception/party (no ceremony) when they got back, and apparently everyone had a blast without feeling excluded (and, since it wasn’t a wedding, they got great deals on all their rentals/catering). 

You don’t owe people a party, but if budget permits, it’s a nice way to get your private ceremony and still keep family involved. If we hadn’t been gifted some money by our parents, I think this is what Fiance and I would have done.

Post # 7
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

We plan to elope in June! Ours hasn’t been a secret but we don’t necessarily advertise it. We told our parents but beyond that we’ve answered people’s questions as they’ve asked. For the most part we’ve received surprisingly positive feedback. I was expecting to get a lot of pushback but besides the initial “are you sure’s” from parents we’ve had lots of support. It’s not really easy to do the un-conventional thing but make sure you have your “why’s”. When aunts and uncles would ask why we weren’t just getting married here we explained that it’s actually much less expensive to get married in Hawaii with just us. We’ve been able to help people feel more included by chosing to host a casual family and friends party when we get back at his parent’s house. I am so thankful that we are chosing to do it this way. The more time that passes the more glad I am that we are doing what’s right for us. Instead of paying for 6 hours of memories we will be spending 10 days in paradise! Feel free to let me know if you have any questions! I’d love to help! Congratulations(:

Post # 8
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Also, I forgot to add that before you announce your decision make sure you and your Fiance are 100% on the same page and be firm in your choice. When people try to change your mind stand your ground and maybe give them a reason or two why eloping is what you’ve dreamt of. 

Post # 9
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I mean you really aren’t eloping if you’re telling people in advance. I think phrasing it as a private ceremony would be better and you could better explain your plans at your leisure 

congrats on your engagement! 

Post # 11
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

You have no idea how many people we know have said “I wish I’d done that instead” when we tell them what we’re doing! 

Post # 12
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We just waited until they asked about the wedding and told them we would be eloping when they did. We didn’t tell anyone who didn’t ask. Not everyone was happy about it, but our wedding was perfect, and in a few years when we have a reception, if there’s any wedding drama (which is the reason we eloped) at least our special day together making that promise to each other won’t be ruined.

Post # 13
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

We didn’t really elope, we just told our parents and his siblings “We’re getting married at City Hall on this date if you want to be there.” For everyone else we mailed out wedding announcements. Only one or two people had the nerve to get snarky about it to us. No regrets.

Post # 15
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

We originally were going to have a wedding with our families, but the plan has changed.  We are now planning to have a wedding destination with my children only.  So we’re basically eloping.  I think we’re going to tell our family that we love to get married at the beach in Sanibel where we also got engaged so we’re just going to have just my children there.  I will also let them know that we will have a small wedding celebration at the house in the summer. Because we are much older (in the 40s) and this is our second marriage, I don’t think our family will say anything and my parents are no longer with us, so no worries there.

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