(Closed) Those who have "Procrastinating" Boyfriends

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes! My boyfriend is procrastinating as well! He’ll talk about our future together marriage kids the whole thing. And just like you said, when he brings it up it’s cool but if you do he seems to shy away from that conversation.. I too have been a little bitter toward my guy lately toO.. I wouldn’t say I don’t enjoy being with him but I’m starting to feel a little resentment. Which I really hate that I’ve gotten that way… 

Hang in there.. 

I think that was a little harsh of your friend to say! And honestly you shouldn’t think he’s right! 4 years isn’t too long of a wait.. I complain all the time too but I do have some friends that waited a lot longer.. 

I wish I had better advice.. But I too am in the same boat you are… It helps a little being here though! 

Post # 4
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been with mine for almost 4 1/2 years as well. In that time, my friend has met and married his wife, along with several others. I can’t help but feel jealous! I get frustrated and super depressed at times… I take it personally, and ask myself “Why doesn’t he think I’m good enough?”

Last year, he called me on a Friday to ask me if I wanted to go to Maui. I said “Sure, when?” and he said “I don’t know, Monday?” I was ECSTATIC! I was CERTAIN it was going to happen. Even his dad was excited and he said “I bet you are going to be my future daughter in law when you come back!” so I went with him to Maui for 5 days. Every day, I’d wait for it to happen, I’d keep my eyes peeled, heck, every day, my family would call and ask “Any news? Did he do it?” I’d just laugh it off and pretend I didn’t care by saying “Oh no, he’s not going to, we’re just having a relaxing vacation!” On the last night, we walked along the beach with Mai Tais during the sunset and I was sure he would do it, but when we ended up back at the hotel room, I was disappointed. I waited until I got into my car alone to go to work after we got back and I cried my eyes out! His dad just shook his head and my dad even called to volunteer his approval for SO.

I think I’ve been super depressed ever since. I get myself pretty down on it. Some day after we’re married(If that ever happens…) I’m going to tell him how upset I was that he didn’t ask on that trip and I don’t think he really understands how much EVERYONE thought it was going to happen and how but of a letdown that was

I’m too afraid to ask “Hey! WTF(udge)! When the hell are you going to freaking ask!?” so I finally cracked down six months ago and asked him what his timeline was for us to have kids. “Ugh.. 3-4 years??” was his answer. Every time he talks about rings I get giddy, only for nothing to happen. 

Anyways, I hope this helps, and you are not alone! Patience is a virtue! (Pfft… A very short-lived one!)

Post # 5
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

UGH! Don’t even get me started…

Post # 7
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

That was kinda mean of your friend to say! Your best friend may know you very well but people never truly know the dynamic of yours and SO relationship. That’s what you have to remember. You have to get to the point where you either choose to wait it out longer or cut your losses. I can toootttallly understand where you are coming from because I am dating a total procrasinator man. He doesn’t like planning anything in advance, even for July long right now he’s like, let’s see a week before. HELLO, sometimes you need to plan!

I think you just need to give it some time (I know you have already but 4 years is still pretty good.. I am pushing 7!!) and not give so much pressure. Guys HATE pressure, absolutely hands down. It’s their comparison to a little kid pulling at their pant leg going ” why don’t you do it now, why, play with me, c’mon…” then walking away and coming back and repeating the same thing. They want to do it on their terms and on their timeline. I know this but do you think that me personally, that I remember it all the time? NOPE!! We are all human here and we all have our lack of patience. Just know he wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t love you.

To answer your question about him procrasinating because he may or may not be into you. I can’t tell you that, every relationship is different. Know that everyone relationships are different and they don’t all follow the same guidelines or cookie cutter. You can read all the books in the world or “signs a man is about to propose” but everyone is different. When he is ready, he will be ready.

@Helloemi – I have been on 5 trips with my SO now and I am tired of people asking or telling ‘ Oh he’s going to do it, he definately will!!” Hey at least he doesn’t tell you on the plane “don’t get your hopes up because I am not going to propose on this trip” like my SO does. and no girls, he isn’t an ass, he is the sweetest guy but he can be a little TOO honest at times. Which is a good or bad thing depending on my time of month LOL.

Post # 8
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Honest questions for you to ask yourself-

Does this relationship still bring me enjoyment, mental/emotional/physical fulfillment, meet my needs, and encourage my growth as an individual and a partner?

If my relationship does not meet all of the criteria above, am I the reason for this? Is he? Is there something that can be fixed to make it better, or is there a deep issue here that would be extremely difficult to bridge (e.g. incompatible values, lack of support, we’ve grown apart and I like who I am when we are apart more than I like who I am when we are together, etc.)

If my relationship does not meet my needs and help me to be a betterperson, why do I still want to be in it? Do I think that being engaged will make the relationship issues all better? Do I think that being married will?

If my relationship does meet all of the above criteria, and it really is an issue of timing, can I be content with being committed but not married for the rest of my life? Is this enough for me, or do I value marriage so much that I cannot live without that commitment in a long-term relationship? 

 

Only you know the answers to these questions. And there is no “right” or “wrong” answer here. Maybe you can get away all by yourself for a weekend to do some soul searching? Sometimes it helps to get away from the influence of everyone else in order to truly listen to yourself. Remember, there is nothing wrong with being in a fulfilling, committed relationship without a marriage. You don’t HAVE to be married. There’s also nothing wrong with saying “I need a partner who will commit to me through marriage. This relationship is not fulfilling that deep need (and other needs), so I chose to end it and give myself the chance to enter into a new relationship that will fulfill all of my deepest needs, including marriage.” Just because he is a nice guy and you’ve invested 4 years into him does not mean that he is the one you should invest another 50 years in.

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

My SO and I have been together 4 1/2 years and we live together he promised that he will propose this year (2012) but nothing yet I’m so sick and tired to waiting. Everyone I know around me is getting married ,planning weddings, getting engaged and having babies and they all started dating after my SO and I, so not fair.

 

When my friends tell me they getting married I tell my SO and I start complainng that its not fair that I’m tired to waiting and he’s  always relaxed he says soon and he says that we will have a wedding before those engaged couples do.

 

I so jealous i find it hard to feel happy for my engaged friends. I feel bad about that too.

 

I’m sick of waiting I have days when I promise my self that I will never mention it then on facebook my friends show of their engagement rings and i start complaining to SO again.

 

I have now stopped making dinner for him for more than a month now because I told him that I will cook when i become his wife. Why should I do all that when there isnt a ring on my finger. i also stopped doing his laundry.

 

He says he doesnt expect me to cook for him but either way sooner or later he will get sick and tired of watching me have home cooked dinner whilst he has pizza for dinnereveryday.

 

I love him and i am tired of waiting..He said it is going to happen in 2012.. but WHEN?

Post # 10
Member
6 posts
Newbee

ive been with my bf for 5 years, he says he wants marriage and kids but when it comes to a serious conversation about it he just says not now! i dont know when πŸ™

i duno what im supose to do either

Post # 11
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Hey now, at least you have a timeline! He said he would do it this year. That’s good! Alot of women don’t even get that. What’s the hurry? He will do it sometime this year! There is 6 more months in this year. You WILL have a ring on your finger! He is going to want it to be a suprise and by you pestering him it’s not going to be!! I would relax, enjoy the summer, enjoy your friends and family and know by new years eve you will have a ring on your finger. Man, if I knew that I would be estatic! I’ve been with my man for almost 7 and I don’t even have a timeline like that, so if I did and knew it would happen, I would count my blessings and be happy. πŸ™‚ Don’t be in such a rush when you have an exact timeline from him or you are going to miss out on the special little moments inbetween.  Love and getting engaged is a special time – you love him alot don’t you? Just let it be.. I have a feeling as soon as you let it be, it will happen πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

@lilymarie23 I guess I am getting a little impatient i Knew I wanted to to marry SO after a month of dating and he wanted to get a stable well paying job etc he finally got a great job last year and I started waiting and waiting I ask him when Im annoyed by friends getting engaged. and he said soon it will happen and this year only.

 

I guess I have to relax and wait it out and as you said enjoy the summer. I showed him rings I like hes too traditional he said he knows my taste and will buy a ring of his choice and i should trust him. This waiting game hurts especially when everyone around is asking me ” when are you getting married”? I always answer like I dont care much and say when the time is right oh we are trying to save first and I brush it off.

 

I told him that this hurts me and he said that those same people should ask him not me, so I just avoid those friends now. Everytime someone asks me that question I it makes me angry and start doubting my SO.

 

I need to be patient.

Post # 13
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@msgee – I know it’s easier said than done because I have had my moments FOR SURE.  It’s hard when everyone keeps asking or saying your next because it’s out of your control unless you are the one to propose like some ladies on this board. Trust me though, the wait will be worth it. He did give you a timeline which is awesome!! He probably just wants to get his ducks in a row. Some guys are like that (Mine is) Some guys can just do it and propose without thinking, other men want to make sure everything is in order. Just the way the dice rolls I guess.

It hurts when people keep asking those questions or you keep attending weddings and are like ” why isn’t that me?” I was feeling that this weekend at my friends wedding. and the fact I caught the boquet and my SO caught the garter didn’t ease up on questons either. But you need to have hope my friend. Start coming up with funny excuses, go out, take care of #1 (which is you) Live your life for you. Soon you will be engaged and planning a wedding as he will propose to you this year, so make this summer the summer of you! Go on a girls trip, spend money on some shoes because soon you will be paying for a wedding. Enjoy your summer and make it count πŸ™‚ It’ll get your mind off of it and you will have a kick ass summer before he pops the questions πŸ˜€

Post # 14
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Another idea —- Make a “I’m single and I know it” (not single but you get the idea) bucket list for the summer. It’ll get your mind off it and you will get to do cool things! I made one and I have stuff on it like, try 15 different types of wine, go on a day road trip, run 3 races (Im a runner), make 4 new dishes, buy 4 pair of colorred heels.. etc. That way I am getting out of the house, doing fun things with my girlfriends and enjoying the time before I get engaged and have babies πŸ˜€

Post # 15
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I can relate to all of you. πŸ™

SO and I have been togethr for 4 years this November…We have been living together for 3 years and we are in a appartment. I feel like this waiting is KILLING ME in every way possible it is so depressing. I too get VERY sour and mad when I see or hear about friends getting engaged that have gotten together way after SO and I did. -_- I do really good for awhile without bringing it up then once I hear or see on FB that another friend has gotten proposed to its like all hell breaks loose. I start nagging him and I hate it! He gets really mad at me and sometimes hes like “look you need to chill and calm down…I promise you it will happen.” I hate that cause that can mean 2 more years from now!! Last week I got so mad cause he mentioned that he wants to get a house and he knows that we cant look at houses until that ring is on my finger and he said “there is so much stuff I want to do like save for your ring, get a house etc…but I dont have the money to do that right now” LIKE AN HOUR LATER he said “I think I am going to get a new Ipod to go with my Mac book Pro (which he did just buy) I also want to buy this $100 software for designing stuff…..” I almost blew up…like he cant save for my ring but he wants to buy all that stuff??

πŸ™ ugh…I can go on forever about this….. ;( Hang in there bees…..

 

Post # 16
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Hey, you can always join me in my “Bitter Boat” as I call it (running joke with my SO) A few of my girlfriends and I were “in it” but I am sadly the only one in it now LOL. When my cousin got engaged the other day and phoned me, I pretend to row a canoe in a circle in the kitchen and said I gotta downgrade to a kayak now LOL.

One thing @eeerika22 I have learned from my arguments in the past with my SO is getting mad about him spending his money doesn’t get you anywhere. My SO called me when he was away at trades school to say he was going to buy a 4000$ bike and I was so peeved. Needless to say we got into an arguement and he told me that he works so hard for his money day in and out and if it’s something that is going to make him happy, he should be able to buy something and that I shouldn’t dictate what he buys and when, because then it won’t be a surprise. I was really mad but he had a point. He needs to be happy too and I can’t get mad at him for wanting something that makes him happy. But if my case, he could buy the bike and still have more than enough money for a ring, so it is a little different

The topic ‘Those who have "Procrastinating" Boyfriends’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors