(Closed) Those who never lived together before marriage: How long did it take you to…

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Throw away anything you dont need or havent used in the last year! If its special to you, put it in storage. We moved to a new place rather than me moving in w him or vice versa so I think that made it easier, it was just getting settled. We donated, tossed or stored a lot of stuff to help us get organized.

It was definitely a transission moving in with him. It was chaotic but fun the first week, then the next few were really irritating- he would get on my nerves with leaving stuff on the sink or socks in the living room etc, but Id say after a month we got the groove of things. (He still leaves his socks/clothes ALL over-whats with that!? Its like he starts stripping at the door right when he gets home)

As for sleeping, we never had any trouble there. We had been together for so long and slept in the same bed many times but when we moved in together and I knew both of us would always come home to our bed, or wake up in it, I think i slept even better from day 1!

Post # 4
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well we don’t live together yet, but I can answer #1. My Fiance is currently going through everything he owns and taking weekly trips to goodwill. He’s always lived with roommates and has never owned nice things, so the only items that he’s bringing (I’m allowing) into my house are basically his clothes. That’s so we don’t have a huge crazy mess when he moves in and we’ll just move less!

Post # 5
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mrsreid: LOL. Omg, my Fiance does this with his socks/clothes. He literally throws off everything he has.

I don’t even know how he collected so many pairs of socks, but they are always, always on the floor. Like it’s magnetic.

Post # 6
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

1) combine all yours and his stuff together?

very slowly! it took us about 3 months and two garage sales to fit everything together into our small little house.

2) get your house/apartment/space organized from the chaos of moving and wedding gifts?

again. it took 3 months. we unwrapped everything very quickly and the first thing we set up was our kitchen just for practicality’s sake

3) get used to sleeping with your spouse (as in not tossing and turning all night)?

this took about 9 months for me to really be totally comfortable falling asleep. but that’s mostly because we have a queen and Darling Husband is 6′ 2″ and takes up a lot of space. i like my space too, so i had to get used to him being there every night!

4) get into a daily routine where both of you could easily function (ex: morning routines w/ showers, breakfast, etc. and not be late for work)

we don’t have to get to work at the same time, so we don’t have an issue sharing our one bathroom in the mornings. mostly, it’s getting lunches ready, etc. because we don’t even eat breakfast together. we’re both get-ready-and-go people and don’t really relax in the morning before work.

5) get used to making daily dinners / meals (if you do)?

we love cooking together, so this is easier. i am the only one who gets groceries though, so if i don’t do it, we have random items from the pantry for dinner. 🙂 we don’t really have a time frame for eating as i’m hungry as soon as i get home from work, so we start up then!

6) get used to doing chores together?

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

We lived together before we got married, but we still had to deal with most of these things.

1) combine all yours and his stuff together? Are you talking about finances or home stuff? For each it took a few weeks.

2) get your house/apartment/space organized from the chaos of moving and wedding gifts? He was nice enough to go through all of his crap before I moved in, and I had just gotten rid of a bunch of my old stuff, so there wasn’t that much to do. I took my time with it though, just emptied out a few boxes a day.

3) get used to sleeping with your spouse (as in not tossing and turning all night)? I was used to that before I moved in…

4) get into a daily routine where both of you could easily function (ex: morning routines w/ showers, breakfast, etc. and not be late for work) That was pretty easy for us too. He’s slower then me so he’d wake up early to shower and get ready, and by the time he was out I hopped in. We never ate breakfast at home, just something quick to eat in the car.

5) get used to making daily dinners / meals (if you do)? That took me a little while b/c I’m awful at making decisions, and he has stomache issues so he can’t eat certain things. It’s been long enough now that I’ve made different things and know what he likes, so it’s easier to figure out a meal.

6) get used to doing chores together?

Post # 8
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@luckyjuls: haha, exactly! I dont know how hard it is to put them in the hamper?! The worst is when i find them in our bedroom, on the floor, in front of the hamper…GR.

Post # 9
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We aren’t living together yet but we’re slowly consolidating our things now so we don’t have to worry about this when the season picks up after the wedding and I’ll be at reherseals every other day.

We’re also having meals together now as it’s just easier. We plan out the meals on Saturday or Sunday, and then alternate who cooks or does dishes by schedules.

Post # 10
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

We lived together for a few years before getting married but also had to deal with some of these things

3) get used to sleeping with your spouse (as in not tossing and turning all night)? Even before we lived together we slept at each others apartments (dorms) a lot. In fact, for the first 9 months of our relationship we slept in a single bed! I think you just get used to it over time.

4) get into a daily routine where both of you could easily function (ex: morning routines w/ showers, breakfast, etc. and not be late for work) Darling Husband and I have different work schedules. I work from home 2 days a week so on those days he just gets up and showers without worrying about me. On the days that I do go to the office, I go in a lot earlier than him. I leave the house at 7:00 and he doesnt even wake up until 7:15 or so. Figure out who takes longer to shower and get ready and have that person go first in the shower. Both of us eat breakfast at work so this isnt something that we deal with.

5) get used to making daily dinners / meals (if you do)? I dont make daily dinners. Darling Husband cooks a lot more than me. But even the thought of having a home cooked meal every night can be different. Some nights we eat different things and some nights we eat the same thing. Its pretty much a daily discussion of “What should we do for dinner” We are still getting used to it after living together for almost 4 years!

6) get used to doing chores together?

Post # 11
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Thats really weird – I wrote a whole response to question #6 and it didnt include it!!!

Basically – figure out what chores each person doesnt mind doing and be responsible for those. Try making a list on a chalkboard or dry erase board if necessary. Take turns doing things that neither person likes to do. You will figure out a system that works for you but it will take time and probably some fights. For us, it was one of the hardest parts of living together!

Post # 12
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

1) combine all yours and his stuff together? Not very long, although we are lucky enough to have 2 spare bedrooms, and all of “my” stuff is in one, and all of “his” stuff is in another. By this I mean off-season clothes, momentos, journals, books, etc. Our daily shared stuff is just in our master bedroom or other rooms in the house.

2) get your house/apartment/space organized from the chaos of moving and wedding gifts? I don’t remember, but I think a few weeks. I know it was kind of crazy moving in and unpacking wedding gfts, etc, but it got done. It will get done! Though I’m still always organizing and reorganizing things.

3) get used to sleeping with your spouse (as in not tossing and turning all night)? We had slept in the same bed many times pre-marriage and it was tough because we are what I call incompatible sleepers. A month or so after the wedding we bought a King size bed and all problems were solved. I recommend it!

4) get into a daily routine where both of you could easily function (ex: morning routines w/ showers, breakfast, etc. and not be late for work) Our schedules have changed a few times since the wedding but I don’t think this took very long. Most workdays we do not sit down for breakfast together, and he also leaves for work before me so showers right before while I snooze a bit longer. Works out well!

5) get used to making daily dinners / meals (if you do)? Almost 2 years later, I am still not used to this (100% my job) just because sometimes I’m so tired and just want to crash…but I do it. We got into a routine pretty early on of me cooking and him cleaning up afterwards.

6) get used to doing chores together?

Post # 13
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

It did the same thing for my #6 as it did for PitBullLover! I had a long answer to it too. Basically I said we don’t have delineated “chores” per se, we just each do our part in keeping the house clean. That means picking up/vaccuming/etc when we have time or need to. I do more of the all-out cleaning every few weeks than he does, but that’s because I’m messier. He is good at keeping things neat and doing the upkeep like vaccuming and sweeping. We also do our own laundry which I hope to maintain because I hate laundry.

Post # 14
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

we dont live together but i spend the weekends and all holidays at his place so sleeping in a bed together, and doing basic chores together is nothing new. I already have some of my stuff in our new place

I guess it will take bit of time to get used to waking up with him on work days and living with him for more than a fews day… But I’m looking  for it!

Post # 15
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um, all of those questions, except the wedding gift ones, apply to people who moved in together before marriage. We all had to make the adjustments – it isn’t just the people who wait until marriage that have to divvy up chores and get rid of extra stuff…

1) combine all yours and his stuff together? I sold all my furniture since I had crappy cheap stuff from grad school and he had “real” furniture. I had already weaned my belongings way down because of moving from TX to MA for grad school. Didn’t need to do much besides that. He isn’t very materialistic, so he didn’t have to get rid of extra stuff either.

2) get your house/apartment/space organized from the chaos of moving and wedding gifts? I think it took maybe a week. nothing bad at all. But, I moved in with him, so I had less stuff to bring in and organize.

3) get used to sleeping with your spouse (as in not tossing and turning all night)? We had slept in the same bed many times pre-marriage and it was tough because we are what I call incompatible sleepers. A month or so after the wedding we bought a King size bed and all problems were solved. I recommend it!

4) get into a daily routine where both of you could easily function (ex: morning routines w/ showers, breakfast, etc. and not be late for work) This took months, and ultimately resulted in us buying a second comforter (he “burritos” up and hogs the blanket) and a new memory foam mattress that doesn’t transfer motion as much (burritoing is really disruptive!). I think when we move next we will get a king sized bed and two twin mattresses for it to isolate movement even more. Girl needs her sleep!

5) get used to making daily dinners / meals (if you do)? When we met, my husband had condiments and takeout containers in his fridge. So, cooking is up to me (I have taught him a few things, and we still have the occasional night where we each make our own food). I’m honestly still working on this, and we’ve lived together more than 2 years. I am trying to add in more variety and blend our tastes together better.

6) get used to doing chores together? That was always basically 50/50. Sometimes he does more chores. I spend more time actually managing things though. I keep track of what needs to be bought, when, who’s birthday is coming up, etc, which is kind of a chore in and of itself.

 

Post # 16
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

1) combine all yours and his stuff together? I was living with my parents and he was living in apt with 2 friends we had like no furniture so we just made do with what we could mooch off friends and family. Knowing that after the wedding and we moved into our mortgaged home we would upgrade. We bought cheap plates, towels and decor from target ikea and home goods

2) get your house/apartment/space organized from the chaos of moving and wedding gifts? Break it down room by room then we had a big yard sale with all the stuff we had doubles of or we replaced with wedding shower gifts

3) get used to sleeping with your spouse (as in not tossing and turning all night)? The bigger the bed, however we can only fit a queen in our room. My biggest issue was that Hubs likes to read before he falls asleep and i can’t sleep with the light on

4) get into a daily routine where both of you could easily function (ex: morning routines w/ showers, breakfast, etc. and not be late for work) Im an AM shower and he’s a PM shower. Hubs leaves for work before me i found that if helet me sleep i didn’t wake up on time so i adjusted my work hours so we had to be up at the same time. We eat breakfast in our office

5) get used to making daily dinners / meals (if you do)? I have a chalkboard in the kichen where i write the weeks menu. He helps me make the list then i go food shopping and we split the bill. I cook most nights and we sit down and eat together most nights. This evolved from a budgeting problem and us eating out too much. Most meals can be cooked 30-40 minutes

6) get used to doing chores together? I am def the cleaner of the 2 of us. It got overwhelming and our system still isn’t perfect. But we made the rule that if he gets home 1st he has to do 1 chore (laundry, empty dishwasher, walk dog, etc) before he can play video games, watch movie etc. I do bathrooms, he does trash, We split everything else up. This is what needs to get done what are you going to do and i’ll do other stuff on the list.

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