(Closed) Bees who never had a longing for children…did that change at some point?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Did the longing to have children change for you?
    It has never changed for me. : (32 votes)
    34 %
    Over time I suddenly wanted children. : (47 votes)
    50 %
    I became pregnant and still did not have a longing to have children. : (3 votes)
    3 %
    I became pregnant and suddenly I had a longing to have children. : (4 votes)
    4 %
    Other : (8 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m 42.  It has never changed for me. 

     I’m pretty sure I don’t have a biological clock.  I think I got two stomachs instead.

    I love kids – I adore my nephew and niece and I started babysitting neighborhood kids at 11.  But I have never, ever, ever wanted one of my own.      

    Post # 4
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    When things started to get really serious between husband and I, I wanted to have his child. Never felt the urge to have one before that.

    Post # 5
    Member
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @MrsElopement:  I never wanted children in my early and mid-twenties.  The day I turned 27, the clock started ticking.  I am not sure if it was being able to see a future and a family with the right guy, if it was my age, if it was becoming more “adult,” or what.  But I have this crazy amount of baby fever.  That being said, I have plenty of friends who do not want children and never plan to have them.  Some even had a hard time finding doctors who would do vasectomies because they were younger couples (early 20s).  I think some people never want children and some women never get that maternal instinct, and I am totally cool with that.  I believe you should do what is best for you as a couple.  But it is frustrating when people tell couples, “It will change as you get older.”  Because I know some that never will change their minds.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Even when I was with my ex, the only other boyfriend I was ever serious with (for 3 1/2 years, yikes), I never wanted kids. He did, but I didn’t. And no, that’s not why we broke up.

    But now, with SO, I want kids eventually. Something about finding the one I guess sparked it in me.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It did for me. We don’t have any kids yet but I would like one eventually. Had you asked me this question a few years ago I would have answered very differently. Honestly, I think the reason that I want to reproduce is because of my husband. He’s always wanted a family and I’d like to be the one to give him that. I’m the first to admit that I really don’t like children (some would even use the word “hate”) but I know that I will love the shit out of my own kid even if I can’t stand his/her friends. 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    4324 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @MrsElopement:  You and I are in the same boat. It almost disturbs me that I’m “missing” the longing for children. I always think of them in a “some day” kind of way, but I’m 30 now, and I know my time is dwindling. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    7777 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It took me until feeling my baby move for the first time to feel any kind of maternal instinct. I have a 3 month old daughter now and I love her to pieces. Other people’s kids still piss me off though. I’m only 24 though, so who knows when that would have changed for me.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @UpstateCait:  I know that I will love the shit out of my own kid even if I can’t stand his/her friends. 🙂 

    Hahaha. Yes! This not only made me laugh but really hit the nail on the head for me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’m glad you made this post… I haven’t voted but I’m interested in seeing the results… A lot of times, I too feel as if I was made without a biological clock… or at the very least, I have one, but the batteries are very very weak. But in a way, it makes me sad… I almost WANT to want to have children… I hear so many couples talking about their happy experiances and new families, and my parents and his parents both would like to see grandchildren, but I can’t just seem to muster it up. Mostly, I see children, and I either want them to go away (beause theyre annoying) or I want to run away (because newborns scare the shit out of me. What happens if I DON’T support their heads? Do their heads fall off? If I hold one wrong, will I be responsible for killing a newborn? Totally not worth the risk, people.)

    Sadly, (or gladly, depending on how you look at it) my FI’s views are very similar. Sometimes we get into the baby conversation and start naming our theoretical children and get all excited… and then we actually think abou ACTUALLY having children, and the answer is always NO, or at the VERY best, a mythical “one day…”

    I’m turning 27 btw, and he’s 32, so I sort of assumed the clock would be working by now : /

    Post # 12
    Member
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    The older I get, I want children less and less 🙂

    Sitting at roughly 110% sure right now, compared to about 80% when I first started thinking about it seriously. 

    ETA: ladies who are saying that there’s something about finding “the one” that changes your mind, let’s be fair: my “the one” also really doesn’t want children, and that also made me want them even less. If he did want them, it would probably sway me the other direction. Also, to this day my mom says she loves her own kids (my sister and I) to death, but can’t stand anyone else’s.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My biological clock doesn’t have batteries. Growing up, I could never picture myself with  kids. Husband, yes. Kids, hell no. It just wasn’t something I could see for my self.

    I’m now 28 and I’ve been told COUNTLESS times over the past 10 years that I will change my mind and have a kid or two. Honestly, I love kids. I was a nanny for almost 3 years to an amazing pair of twin girls whom I’m still close to (thier mom is one of my closest friends). I adore my friends’, coworkers’, and family member’s babies. But I truly have no desire to have my own. I’ve never wavered. 

    Also, Fiance is 49 now and has 2 grown daughters (ages 20 and 17). I would feel incredibly selfish asking them to adjust their lives to accomodate a new baby. Luckily, that’s not something I need to worry about since we’ve agreed that we don’t want (more) kids. 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    11233 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I was always adamantly no-children-for-me-thanks. It took getting serious with Fiance (like, talking about marriage, etc.) for me to realize that I’d love to have kids with him. I’d been in serious relationships prior to that, but I would have jumped in a lake before having kids with those guys. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @AllShookUp:  I suppose “the one” thing wouldn’t really apply to me, considering, as I said, my ex did want children, and that didn’t sway me one bit.

    The topic ‘Bees who never had a longing for children…did that change at some point?’ is closed to new replies.

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