(Closed) Bees who never had a longing for children…did that change at some point?

posted 8 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Did the longing to have children change for you?

    It has never changed for me.

    Over time I suddenly wanted children.

    I became pregnant and still did not have a longing to have children.

    I became pregnant and suddenly I had a longing to have children.


  • Post # 17
    6468 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

    Growing up, I didn’t want children. I wanted to be a teacher, but I didn’t want kids of my own. I was adamant that it wasn’t for me. I met Mr. Jaguar when I was 18. Over the years, we talked more, and I realised that I DID want them. I wanted them quite badly! That need/want continued to grow – and here we are, TTC now. 🙂

    Post # 18
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I had always desperately wanted children until I turned 30 (at 4 I had imaginary children, Reenie and JoeJoe and babysat all through junior high and high school).  But now, I think I’m about 60/40 in favor of not having them.  DH wants them, so we’ll have them, but I no longer dream of having them.   I’m not sure what changed other than once you experience your friends having kids it starts to “unromanticize” the whole idea.  As a special ed teacher, you get a strong dose of reality as well! 

    Post # 19
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’m in my 40’s and didn’t want to have children until I married my DH.  I love my nieces and nephews but I really enjoyed not having the responsiblity.  I’m the eldest, so I played “Little Momma” for my sister growing up. 

    Post # 20
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Only with my current SO have I ever had that uncontrolable urge to have a baby. My body screams baby now LOL this coming from the girl who Never ever ever was gonna even think about having a child. I now have baby names lol 

    Post # 21
    1413 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I am 32…

    I really WANT to want to have children(social pressure)—but in my heart I know I don’t.

    Never had the longing.

    And I don’t know if it ever will change.

    Post # 22
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I’d say it is maybe a tiny bit in the process of changing for me. I never ever wanted kids before my current husband. But also, “real life” seemed pretty far away. And then I got married and I love my easy life so much and was like…. why would I want to have a kid and mess all this up? lol

    But then I started getting little twinges. Not for babies, not at all. But for kids. I feel like I’d be a really good mom (and enjoy being a good mom) to kids once they are like 4+. I love doing artsy crafty stuff, I love baking, I could just kind of see me teaching a kid how to add using eggs like my mom did or teaching the kid how to garden or whatever. I think I’m to the point where if I could just BAM have a 4 year old I’d do it. But the 0-3 stage still scares the crap out of me. It just doesn’t seem like any fun at all.


    Post # 24
    279 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m not sure whether I want kids yet. Whenever I try to think about having kids I just think about how I don’t want to get pregnant now, or in the next few years. I’m still in school and living with my parents, so it’s definitely not the right time for me.  I think I will probably want to have kids in about 7-10 years, but that seems so far away to me now. It’s hard to imagine what my life will be like then, and what I’ll want. My boyfriend know he does want to have kids. I’ve told him that I think I will want to, but I can’t make any promises.

    Post # 25
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    As others have posted, I was always told you’ll hit 26/27 and you’ll change your mind. I never ever ever wanted kids. I knew my ex did and marriage, but my response was god no, why? It’ll make it harder to break up! Should have ended that relationship quick, but 6 years later I finally woke up.

    My partner I know would like kids. He has said, he has never wanted kids before. If he was gonna start a family it would be with me. I’m still on the fence. We’ve decided to talk more about it as we go. If he is ready and I’m not, we won’t or vice versa.

    I’m 24 and he is 27. We’ve got plenty of time to figure it all out.

    Post # 26
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I got pregnant while on birth control. I had never planned to have children. I then had a miscarriage. It changed every thing for me. 

    Post # 27
    4655 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    @AllShookUp: Oh my goodness this is my feeling exactly! If a friend or family member offers me to hold their newborn I always want to say no but am afraid of seeming rude. They’re very cute and I like them, but WHAT IF I SCREW UP?

    I’m highly childfree. I actually love kids, I’m a teacher of elementary schoolers, and I adore them even though they’re little monsters sometimes. I even like babysitting from time to time. I just am horrified at the notion of having any for myself. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the responsibility of even being fully responsible for the well-being of my DOG. I get so easily stressed out over things like that. I have so much respect for people who raise kids!

    SO and I are happy and feel that our family is complete without a kid, but he has loooots of siblings… so we’re looking forward to spoiling the dickins out of their little ones!!

    Post # 28
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I never wanted kids, but figured I’ll change my mind one day.  Now i’m conflicted because I still dont want to have kids because I don’t like kids, but at the same time I want to have my fiance’s son.  So basically, I dont know what i want.

    Post # 29
    2583 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ve always wanted kids, even since I was a kid myself, and so does DH. I’m finding it really interesting though that some of you are distinguishing between wanting kids and liking the idea of having them, but the actual reality of caring for a child scares the crap out of you or you don’t feel a maternal instinct.

    I can really relate to that last part… kids are several years off for us, but I’m not really sure I’ve ever felt a “maternal instinct,” more just a strong desire to have kids and do all the fun motherly things that go along with it. I have no idea how I’ll handle the stress of actually being a mom, and it terrifies me. I’m actually horrible with kids, I just like to think that with my own, since I’d be handling them from the beginning, I would be better with them and understand them 😛

    I guess I’d just never really recognized the difference between wanting kids and actually having a maternal instinct, but I guess there is a pretty big one. I’m still young enough that hopefully the maternal side of me kicks in too at some point!

    Post # 30
    214 posts
    Helper bee

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    @Cantstartafire1:  I’m in the same boat.  I was against having kids but being with Mr. Koi made me want them.  Being with him makes me want to settle down and be domestic and have the family that neither of us had growing up.  But as I’ve warmed up to the idea of children, he’s gotten colder and colder to it…

    Post # 31
    9118 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I have never wanted kids. I actively refused to play with dolls as a child much rather playing with the fun stuff like cars etc. I seriously wanted to be a priest as a child because they couldn’t have kids. I received a lot of flack for not wanting to have kids in my late teens/early twenties and definately got bombarded with the when you find the right one you will change your mind or when you grow up (hello I am 24 and been more places in the world solo than you and I am not grown up?) you will change your mind. It never happened.

    I was relieved when at 26 I had to undergo medical treatment that meant I would more than likely never be a parent and was highly encourgaed to harvest eggs. I declined and even had to get a psychological clearance saying I was making a reasonable decision in order to progress with the treatment without harvesting (crazy I know!). I was relieved because now people wouldn’t be so judgemental about the choice not to have kids (because it wasn’t a choice anymore). But I still get the odd person saying well it is your own fault you did say you never wanted them (not that I have changed my mind in the least or even mentioned changing my mind!). Like I couldn;t adopt if I was so moved?

    I am now nearing 36 and still am adament on not wanting kids. Not wanting kids was also one of my compatibility wants when dating. I was always open when dating about never wanting kids. Luckily I found the man of my dreams and he dislikes kids and didn’t have a desire to reproduce either 🙂

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