Those whose father passed

posted 2 years ago in Music
Post # 2
Member
4872 posts
Honey bee

Well, I didn’t actually like my father, so even if he were still alive I wouldn’t be doing a father-daughter dance.  Though I do have a family member who passed that I miss dearly and wish could be there.  So, I’ll just use examples from my friends.

There’s no law that you have to have a father-daughter dance even if your father is alive.  I’d say of my friends with living fathers, only about 50% even had a father-daughter dance in the first place.  Some because they just simply didn’t have close relationships with their fathers.  Some because either they or their father just simply didn’t like to dance or like being the center of attention.  Some because they just didn’t want to bog down the reception timeline with more “activities” than necessary beyond food/cake cutting/first dance.

Because the dance isn’t required in the first place, there’s no need to “replace” it with something.  You just don’t have one and go about your business.  If you want a replacement dance, then  I had one friend who danced with their mom (and two friends who danced with their mom even though dad was alive simply because dad was never really a part of their lives and mom raised them).  I had another friend dance with her brother who she is very close to.

As for father-daughter songs to pay tribute, I guess it depends on if you want to treat it as a memorial.  I personally am not a fan of treating celebratory events as memorials because it puts the focus on what isn’t and what I’m missing instead of what is and what I have ahead.  I prefer to remember people in other ways that focuses on happy memories of them.  So I personally would just skip the dance altogether and not play a specific “father-daughter” song and I would dance with my closest living relative (for me, my mom) in celebration of my relationship with them, not as a father-substitute. I would find other ways to remember my loved one who passed, such as carrying a picture of them in a locket, serving their favorite food or kind of cake at the reception, or making sure their favorite song got played at the reception (not as a separate tribute event).

Post # 3
Member
208 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
desifreckle :  my dad has been gone almost 10 years and I’m getting married next summer. I don’t think I’m going to do anything, honestly. Not because we weren’t close (very close) but because nothing feels right I guess. So, I’m just going to skip it all. I’ll probably have my parents wedding photo displayed somewhere. Also, I’m sorry you’re in this position as well. I encourage you to do whatever you feel comfortable with, even if it means doing nothing. 

Post # 4
Member
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I was really really close with my dad, and I just avoided the whole thing. I had a courthouse wedding with a reception but we didn’t do any of the traditional dances.

my older brother would have walked be down the aisle and done the first dance, but I knew I’d break down.

if your fiancé is ok with it, skip the parent dances. 

No advice as to how not to cry bee

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desifreckle :  

Post # 5
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I attended a wedding where the bride’s father had passed, she had her grandfather walk her down the aisle and dance with her

Post # 6
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2020 - Round Rock, TX

View original reply
desifreckle :  hi bee, first of all i’m sorry for your loss. I didn’t lose my dad, but my mom passed away when i was very young so i’ve been trying to think of ways to honor her. of course it’s a little different since there isn’t typically a mother-daughter dance. but i’m having her favorite song played at some point during the reception (“life’s a dance”) and i’m just having the DJ announce that it’s in her honor, and it will be a slow dance. it will also be the ONLY country song played at my wedding! lol. i’m also carrying her picture on a bouquet charm, which may be something you would want to do so he can still “walk you down the aisle” 

also, don’t worry about crying. you don’t have to be strong! it’s your day. i’ll be a mess anyways but I know when her song plays i’m going to cry a lot. 

 

good luck planning, bee ❤️

Post # 7
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

My father passed away when I was very young and my mom raised me and my siblings alone. She was mom and dad, so I did the only logical thing I could think of… asked her to walk me down the isle and dance with me 🙂 

If you are close with your mother this is an option, or you could skip this part entirely, ask another meaningful person to dance with you etc. 

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