(Closed) Thought I had convinced myself to bring up the marriage talk tonight ..

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3104 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

why not wait til he brings it up again? i think making it a “thing” puts a lot of pressure on the conversation.

Post # 4
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

@mamadingdong:  +1. I totally agree on this.. wait till he brings it up, and it will come naturally. 

Post # 6
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It’s hard to just start the conversation, isn’t it?! In my case, SO had suggested that we discuss it (having somewhat sprung on me that he’d been thinking about proposing and being a little dismayed by my “OHGODPANIC errr… how about that local sports team?” response…). Even so, I had to take a BIG deep breath. Don’t know why it’s a weird one, but it is. 

My advice would be to enjoy your evening together and at some point, lightly, say that you have been thinking about what the future holds for you two (if you want to say something made you think of it that’ll work too – someone’s wedding or moving or a movie or a dream, the list is endless!). I would offer him the chance to either talk about it then or suggest another time to discuss it, but do either have the conversation or schedule it rather than just dropping it in and leaving it. I don’t know about you and your SO but I like to have a little time before delving into big conversations. 

Anyway, just a suggestion. Above all, though keep it light and listen to what he wants too. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3104 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@pokie45:  you said he has brought up ceremony sites and that sort of thing. the next time it comes up, probe a little bit. i feel like sitting him down and saying “where is this going?” makes things unorganic. the conversation will flow smoothly if it’s more like:

mr: you know what? i love that garden on 12th street. i can see getting married in that kind of space.

hebby: i LOVE that garden. it seems like this is something you have thought about. do you see something like that in our future?

obviously this is a corny sample, but i find that if you let the moment find you the conversation goes better πŸ™‚ my SO is super shy and reserved and after a few failed attempts, i’ve decided it’s better when we just have these conversations spontaneously.

Post # 9
Member
3104 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

haha! i know. and you don’t have to really wait for him. it’s more like, just don’t plan. if you’re near one of the places he mentioned, bring it. just don’t drive there and bring it up. know what i mean?

Post # 10
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

@pokie45:  Wow. We are in the same boat. SO tells me all the time that hes going to marry me, we talk about the future and baby names….but neither one of us has brought up specifics. We are supposed to have the talk tonight (I basically just want to know that its coming within the year), but Im not going to force it

Should you and I make a pact to do it together??? πŸ™‚ Im also supposed to spend a relaxing evening on the couch with SO….

I thnk that we both should just bite the bullet!!! If your SO is anything like mine, you just know that he wants to marry you! Its the logistics of it that are getting in the way.

If you do it, Ill do it πŸ˜‰

 

Post # 11
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

“Hey, we’ve been together for a long time, and it seems like we have a good relationship.  Have you ever thought about us getting married?” or “When do you see us getting married?”

or

“I’ve noticed you’ve been talking about married life a lot lately.  When do you think that will happen for us?”

This really is not a big deal.  If you can’t talk to him about your lives together, what makes you think that you will be able to talk to him about problems with the kids, health issues, etc.  You really can’t say the wrong thing to the right guy.

If he says that he hasn’t thought about getting married to you specifically, don’t take it personally.  Guys think (and say) things very literally.  You can say, “Well, maybe you should think about it then,” and leave it at that.

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