Post # 1
So, for background, I was recently married in August and am head over heels in love with my husband. I’m a very maternal person and (I think) naturally very good with children and have a lot of them in my family and friends network. We’re both 30, with stable jobs and secure finances. I can’t wait to have my husband’s babies.
Or so thought. We were going to start TTC last night but I just suddenly freaked out and made him use contraception. I just felt overwhelmed by the thought of making an actual baby. I love my job and don’t want to jeopardise it. I also love quality time with my husband and I’m suddenly scared of how a baby will change us. And sleep – I love sleep!
I guess I’m surprised at how selfish (is that the right word?) I’m feeling. Is it normal to feel this way? Or should I accept that I’m not ready for children right now? Honest but kind responses only please.
Post # 2
Boy does that sound familiar. We went through a similar experience back in April and I went back on BCP in May… then we went on a trip in July and saw all the cute families who clearly travel and make it work and that cycle was the last on BCP.
So yes, it’s completely normal to feel like that. Heck, I felt that way for the past 2 years. I wouldn’t say it’s being selfish but rather you just want to enjoy your hubby, your job, travel, work, etc, as just the two of you. That’s not to say you can’t do those things afterwards and enjoy it, but the alone time you’re going to get with your hubby and the devotion to your work will certainly change once you have children. It no longer will be about just you and your DH but your children will become a huge part, and rightly so. I know lots of marriages flourish when they have children right away but that’s not for everyone because clearly a lot of marriages also thrive when you wait. It’s an individual/couples choice. There’s no need to rush into it if you’re unsure at the moment, just take it one month at a time.
Post # 3
It’s SO normal!!! Having a baby changes everything, and you are smart to hold on to that precious sleep a little longer. Being just married in august, no harm in taking some more time to enjoy married life and your time as just a couple. I got pregnant a month after my wedding, we had been trying before then (I was 34) and I wouldn’t change a thing, but boy is life different now. It’s ok to freak out, it’s ok to not be ready yet, you have time.
Post # 4
I did this too. I was bothering DH and nudging that I reallyyyyy wanted to start TTC. When he finally agreed I freaked out and took an emergency contraception .The next week I told him I wanted to wait another two years if he was okay with that. Yikes 🙂 So normal!
Post # 5
It’s totally normal! Having a child is a big life change and I think it’s healthy to approach it with some apprehension.
I also was kind of (ok, REALLY) freaked out by having sex without protection/prevention of any kind. We spend pretty much our whole lives up to that point doing everything we can to prevent getting pregnant. We’re told that if a boy so much as sneezes in our direction, we might get pregnant. For the first few weeks TTC with DH, I felt like I was breaking all the rules by having completely unprotected sex. But you get over that! Haha!
Post # 6
Thank you all SO much for this 🙂 I felt so bad that I had been nagging my husband about how much I wanted kids and then this happened – I’m sure he thinks I’m a bit crazy! But you’re so right, there is no rush. Phew 🙂
Post # 7
Very normal! Just take the month or two off and re-evaluate 🙂
Post # 8
Sounds familiar! I didn’t put the goalie back on the field my first cycle, but I was so freaked the whole TWW that I didn’t know if I wanted the test to be positive or negative… Until it WAS negative, that is. Ten months later, all I want is a second damn line! I was scared of things changing my relationship, too, but my husband told me, “things are going to change no matter what. Whether we have kids or not.” That helped a lot. And at the time people on this board assured me that they, too, had been freaked out at first. It’s ok if you want to wait, but just know that for many of us who want to be pregnant yesterday, that first cycle was one big ball of anxiety and doubt.
Post # 9
That’s true – I hasn’t thought about it that way, but I guess it doesn’t take a child to change a relationship. I’ll remember that 🙂 Oh, and I really hope you get that second line soon!
Post # 10
Totally normal. I love kids and wanted kids my whole life, and when we started TTC I freaked out. The first 2,3 months I was hoping my period would come, and the first time I actually cried with relief when it did. Then after 3 months something changed.. I realized that it wasn’t that easy to conceive and started freaking out wondering if/when it would happen for us. By 6 months, I was crying with disappointment when my period came, and after 7 months I was overjoyed at a positive pregnancy test. I personally don’t think anyone’s really ready until it happens. Once I was actually pregnant, I was scared but really really happy and it’s just got better throughout the pregnancy. Now I’m just looking forward to meeting my little boy (in about 2-3 weeks). 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor
I totally know how you are feeling, even if I haven’t exactly had the same experience. Because I had the Implanon, it took me (what felt like) a long time to wrestle with the idea of going against a lifetime of conditioning to not get pregnant, the idea of actually conceiving a separate human being, becoming parents, etc, and I didn’t want to take it out untill I was really sure. All in all it was probably like 3 months from when we decided we wanted to TTC to when I actually got the Implanon out, so by the time it was out I was feeling really settled in the decision. Of course that was only a few weeks ago so things might change! I actually got the Implanon 2 years before we got married, so right after our 1st anniversary it was time to remove or replace it- at that time (just a year ago) I didn’t think TTC was going to happen for at least two years, so I got it replaced, but only a year later we were ready! The funny thing was that I had had baby fever for a few months before, and when my husband caught the baby fever he was ready to get going immediatly, and then I was like, no wait! Hahaha.
I think it is totally normal to feel somewhat conflicted! And just because you don’t feel ready today doesn’t mean you won’t feel ready soon, or be able to get ready in 9 months! Good luck!