- 8 years ago
…but now I am sitting here alone, having sobbed my eyes out.
It’s our 2.5 year anniversary. Not really a huge deal, though. We did both acknowledge it, though. We went out for lunch together today and he said, “I’m going to have a surprise for you later.” I said, “a food surprise?” (like dinner or something) and he said, “no.”
I get home from work, and he’s on the couch eating takeout. He said the surprise was going to be bringing me home ice cream, but then he just…didn’t. No real reason was given.
Okay. I sat down trying to process my idiocy for thinking he would propose. He asked what was wrong; I told him I got the wrong idea when he said a surprise. Then I calmly said, “I know it’s not all about me, but I guess I just thought it definitely would have happened by now.” (Background: we have lived together for 6 months and he definitely has no problems with money, family, etc – it’s all in line and we talk openly about getting married next year.)
Then, out of my boy’s mouth, came this gem: “So when we do get engaged, what are you going to be miserable about then?”
I had been on the verge of a little teariness, but this broke me. I sobbed. I told him that what he said was just plain mean. I excused myself and sobbed properly over the bathroom sink. He came in apologzing, saying he crossed the line, he didn’t mean it, etc. I cried in his arms until I realized it was making it worse. I broke away to our bedroom, where he followed and we talked. He would give me no information about his thoughts on engagement, but that he does think about it often.
Still, this means nothing to me. He thinks I’m just a miserable wench, apparently, and that I won’t be happy either way. (He said he didn’t mean the “miserable” comment – but why else would that come out? Please.)
I feel so broken. All that should matter is that we love each other, but I can’t see that through the tears right now.