Thoughts? Anyone Heard of a Deconstructed Reception (Wedding)

posted 1 week ago in Wedding Related
  • poll: Would you consider having a deconstructed wedding reception? Would you love to be a guest at one?

    Yes I'd love to have one, yes I'd love to go to one

    No I wouldn't want to have one, yes I'd love to go to one as a guest

    No I wouldn't want to have one, no I wouldn't want to go to one as a guest

    Yes, I'd love to have one, no I wouldn't want to go to one as a guest

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    I did consider this briefly. It seems like a lot more work than you’d expect. Having looked into the microwedding route, it’s harder to find venues for smaller parties. And some expenses would be redundant. I think this would actually end up being more expensive. You’re essentially throwing multiple microweddings. However, your guests might not be as excited to attend or make it a priority because it’s not the actual wedding, or even anything resembling a vow renewal. It’s a small dinner party showing off photos of an event they didn’t get to attend

    After my husband and I got married in a teeny covid ceremony, our priorities shifted. We put our energy into finding a new home. Now that we have a house, it’s a lot of work. I can’t imagine constantly traveling and throwing parties for a 6 month period. 

    If dancing is what you care about, I’d have a moderately sized wedding at a blank slate venue. Have the ceremony in a public space. Use a DJ. Use nonfloral decor. There are lots of ways to cut costs

     

    Post # 3
    Member
    6216 posts
    Bee Keeper

    As a guest I would probably appreciate this. I live very far away from my family and I can’t just go to every wedding that comes around because I have work and other obligations. It would be nice to know that there was just one little reception in the summertime I could attend even if the wedding was a month I couldn’t possibly manage. As a bride there is no way I’d consider it though, it sounds like way too much of a hassle and I doubt it runs cheaper in the end. Definitely not cheaper than my own wedding since that was very low key. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee

    Pre-COVID, I had a small wedding with immediate family and a few very close friends (courthouse ceremony + restaurant lunch reception), and I was 100% satisfied with that (i.e., I didn’t feel the need to have extra parties/celebrations), so I am clearly not the target audience for something like what you are suggesting.

    But trying to look at it objectively, I still think your “deconstucted wedding” sounds like so much more effort, expense, time, and stress compared to just really dialing things back to the essence what you and your future spouse want and just doing that. There are so many ways to cut back, personalize, and minimize the planning hassles a ceremony and reception to consider before deciding to plan a large amount of small parties. But it seems like you are caught up in the “it has to be a large white wedding or nothing at all” fallacy. 

    Start at the beginning and have a deep, honest conversation about what you two want, making sure to leave out the wants/opinions/demands of anyone who isn’t you two. Then build your plan based on that and nothing else. Good luck!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1339 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    This sounds like a whole lot of extra effort and at least the same amount of money as a more traditional wedding/reception.  I would absolutely not want to spread my own wedding celebration out over 6ish months.  I can only imagine that by event number 4 or 5 I would just be over it.  

    Likewise, as a guest who was aware that I was in the bottom rung of parties to celebrate someone’s wedding I suspect I would feel like I was getting crumbs.  It’d be a no from me.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    7912 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    When we had to cancel our wedding celebration last year due to Covid we considered a lot of ideas. We ended up getting married with just the most minimal number of people for it to be legal and sharing a meal with them. Once that was done the desire to create another event or other events slowly disappeared. 

    Do you have the time to travel all over the country/world to make this work? If you get part-way through and can’t finish will some people be offended? As a guest I’d much rather attend a small celebration respecting Covid safety; I wouldn’t attend an indoor reception right now for anyone other than one of my children (and I hope they are smarter than that). 

    Post # 7
    Member
    774 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2021

    I think this sounds super fun as a guest! But as a bride, I think having to plan so many events would just really stress me out. There’s no wrong answer, so you should definitely do what makes the most sense for you and your partner, but for me personally, I think trying to host so many “mini-events” over such a long stretch of time would just feel like an exhausting marathon. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3815 posts
    Honey bee

    This all sounds ridiculous to me. A lot of aggravating work for the couple, and a weird vibe for the guests. 

    Groundhog Day Wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4541 posts
    Honey bee

    For my first marriage, we had a Destination Wedding with reception with just immediate family and close friend. Then we had parties in our current city, my hometown and his hometown. They weren’t small like you are describing, but planning all of those events was tiring, expensive and stressful.

    I eloped the second time 😑

    Post # 10
    Member
    1181 posts
    Bumble bee

    IMO, absolutely not, although obviously this is your decision.

    If I ever got married, I would have one wedding.  One ceremony with one reception.  Period.  I would make the very best effort possible to have everyone important to me in attendance on that day, and if necessary would have it in a location that facilitated those guests coming to my wedding.  I realize you’re in a tough situation with a lot of international travel (which would be an issue even without a pandemic), but I still consider second receptions to be just celebrations of marriage and I am not a fan of them.  If someone can’t attend my wedding, I’d get together with them later.  It sounds to me like this is a series of celebrations of marriage.

    Post # 11
    Member
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    I think it sounds fun and I’d do it if I could afford it. My wedding was intimate and I loved it.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    It does seem like a lot of extra time, effort, and money to do all of this. I would enjoy it as a guest though as I hate flying.

    Post # 13
    Member
    13563 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Contrary to what some are telling you, an intimate ceremony with a delayed reception or smaller delayed receptions is and always has been considered perfectly appropriate. Sure, the sky is always the limit, but I totally disagree you couldn’t do it a lot less expensively than a traditional wedding. 

    Just keep in mind that even though you’re not asking others to fly, you’ll be flying all over and attending multiple events, perhaps indoors or no masks with people from multiple households. Your guests may remain uncomfortable with some or all of that. I wouid be in your place or theirs. Having everyone test, including yourself, ahead of each event, staying outdoors, and requiring all guests to be fully vaccinated would help.

    I’d personally just Zoom the ceremony if things are the way they are right now. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    I think this sounds like something you might enjoy, and to me that’s all that matters! We liked the big party with everyone (though we kept it quite cheap!) but you make great points about the day passing fast, having limited time with each guest, getting stressed out by planning, etc. The day definitely went by fast for us. I personally love small intimate events as well.

    As a guest, I am happy to celebrate my loved ones’ marriages (and other life events) in mostly any way they choose! If my friend said “hey we’re celebrating two months later at Old Chicago” I’d be so down. So if this is something you guys think you would enjoy, go for it!!!

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