Thoughts? Anyone Heard of a Deconstructed Reception (Wedding)

posted 4 days ago in Wedding Related
  • poll: Would you consider having a deconstructed wedding reception? Would you love to be a guest at one?

    Yes I'd love to have one, yes I'd love to go to one

    No I wouldn't want to have one, yes I'd love to go to one as a guest

    No I wouldn't want to have one, no I wouldn't want to go to one as a guest

    Yes, I'd love to have one, no I wouldn't want to go to one as a guest

  • Post # 16
    Member
    13549 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    There is not one thing rude or wrong with delayed celebrations of marriage etiquette-wise. What is considered inappropriate is the opposite, inviting people to a wedding ceremony and not the reception to follow. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    848 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @tkdh:  I am trying to be careful regarding COVID so I definitely wouldn’t want to attend a big, traditional reception. (I’ve turned down several big weddings that are happening in the fall.) But I would still love to celebrate the wedding of a family member/friend, so I would attend one of these deconstructed receptions as a guest (as long as everyone is vaccinated).

    However, it sounds like it would take a lot of work to host something like this, so tbh I probably wouldn’t want to plan it. But that shouldn’t deter you!

    Post # 18
    Member
    803 posts
    Busy bee

    I think this would only work if you framed it more as two very small wedding celebrations. More than two would be way too much. I can imagine this happening if the bride and groom’s family are in different countries and can’t travel, for example. And the “wedding” would just be a really nice dinner or small party in each location. For the overseas one, I assume it would also include a few days of time with the family and then travelling around that country or somewhere else nearby as the honeymoon. Planning 12 mini events would be exhausting and no cheaper than one big wedding. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee

    A dozen mini receptions sounds exhausting and expensive to plan.  Additionally, I personally would get bored by the third one. It’ll be the same speeches and well wishes over and over celebrating the same thing over and over. It honestly sounds mind numbing for the married couple. As much as I absolutely loved my wedding, it would get old fast doing it over and over. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1312 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    I just can’t imagine, six months after getting married and four receptions in, pretending to be excited about cutting yet another cake. At a certain point, don’t you just want to be done with it?

    I think looking back, it would also make my memory of my wedding feel less special. Like, which dance was our first dance? Which cake was my actual wedding cake? Is there going to reach a point after X number of parties where celebrating my own marriage feels like a chore?

    Post # 21
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    I don’t know about a DOZEN of them, but I was strongly considering holding two celebrations since all my invites are in California and all of his are in the UK. Ultimately, it was too expensive. ☹️

    It’s difficult because many of his very close friends really want to come, but an 11 hour flight one-way with children <5yo is, understandably, difficult to arrange/justify.

    I agree with PPs that say that this is more for the guests’ convenience than the bridge+groom.

    Post # 22
    Member
    7934 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    that sounds exhausting

    Post # 23
    Member
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    A close relative of mine married for the second time and decided to have the ceremony while they were on vacation with just adult children there. She then invited relatives to a party at her house a few weeks later. I took no offense at not being invited to the ceremony and enjoyed the party. 

    Probably guests would enjoy these gatherings. I just think it would be a lot of work for you to arrange so many different get-togethers. But if you are up for it…

    I think it is perfectly fine to reimagine weddings and do something other than the traditional.

    Post # 24
    Member
    9869 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    This seems silly to me. You get one day for your wedding. Dragging it out in multiple dinner parties across the country/world is excessive. Celebrate with who you can and move on with your life. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    7519 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Quite honestly this list of your event

    Mingling and Champagne

    Seating, welcoming all, introducing everyone to each other, 

    Acknowledging how each person has contributed to them in their life

    Place photos from wedding weekend and walk guests through ceremony and parent’s marriage advice 

    Read excerpt from ceremony, sharing philosophy of marriage.

    Lastly, asked guests to add their blessing/ an excerpt to a book they bring to each dinner as well as to the original ceremony with immediate family

    Sounds exhausting and boring as a guest. Well except for the mingling and champagne. I mean introducing everyoneto each other feels like a conference dinner and sitting through 19 stories of how each person has contributed to the bride and grooms life sorry but yawn. And walking me through a ceremony I wasn’t invited to and your parent’s marriage advice? 

    Sorry but this sounds like a terrible party to me.

    View original reply
    @tkdh:  

    Post # 26
    Member
    145 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think if a couple elopes, sure I’d be happy to have dinner with them later on! But I don’t want a slide show of your wedding or recap of the ceremony or all this extra fuss. It’s just a dinner- order champagne and have fun. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    2880 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    One of my closest friends tried something like this. The edition of the post-wedding party thingy I was invited to ended up getting cancelled. I think one of the parties (over a holiday weekend) was particularly costly and had the most family, so they were essentially “over it” after that. I wasn’t offended, but I hate that my best friend is married and I didn’t get to celebrate her wedding in any way shape or form. 

    I would have been a candidate for this kind of thing since my husband and I are from different countries, the city where we met means a lot to us, plus we have our “home” city and then yet another where a large set of his family lives. Thankfully, it didn’t cross my mind at the time.  

    Post # 28
    Member
    735 posts
    Busy bee

    There’s a million reasons why this doesn’t make sense. It sounds like some fake trend the wedding industry invented to make more money because people are having smaller weddings now due to COVID. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee

    We thought about doing this–and would have if my husband hadn’t really really really wanted everybody he knew dancing at once .I think that I would have loved the opportunity to spend time with people (to make that happen we ended having a three day wedding ,and I think this way of doing it would have saved us literally 30-40 thousand dollars!)

    Post # 30
    Member
    1918 posts
    Buzzing bee

    As a bride, this sounds like my worst nightmare – probably as expensive and time-consuming to plan as a one-off wedding, but I end up having to do it 10 times – no way!

    As a guest, I’d be happy to attend a mini-celebration of the couple’s marriage, and I’d love to be able to look through the photos, but I would advise making it less structured than your proposed outline – so just have a nice dinner and the opportunity to look through the pictures/chat with the couple.  I would probably be sad to miss the actual ceremony, but would understand why the couple chose not to invite me to that.

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