(Closed) Thoughts on a bride not changing her last name

posted 6 years ago in Names
  • poll: What will happen to your last name after marriage?
    Keeping my maiden names after marriage : (102 votes)
    24 %
    Putting my maiden names as a middle name and taking FH last name : (60 votes)
    14 %
    Hyphenating the names : (21 votes)
    5 %
    Taking my FH last name. : (198 votes)
    47 %
    Not sure as yet. : (37 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    It was very difficult for me to decide. I wanted to keep my name. Hyphenating would have made my name just too long and I sign things too many times a day to be ok with that. I am changing my middle name to my maiden name and taking FH’s last name. I was going to take more time to decide but my diploma for grad school needed my name then FI’s mom was booking plane tickets for us for this summer and needed my name.

    I really don’t care what anyone chooses to do. It’s totally a personal decision. Having struggled with the decision myself I see the pros and cons to all the choices.

    Post # 4
    2227 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I will be keeping my maiden name because it’s the law here in Quebec. 

    I would have appreciated the option to take my husband’s name since I identify with it more than I do my father’s last name (I haven’t really talked to him since I was 13). In the end though I think I would have kept myown last name because it flows better with my first name, both of which are pretty ethnic. Mrs Rugbee wouldn’t have the same ring to it.

    Post # 5
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m not engaged yet, but I already know what I’m going to do, and none of your options fit that so you should add an “other.”  I’m going to keep my last name and add his to the end, but no hyphen. (Ex. First Middle MyLast HisLast)  My middle name is very important to me (my mom’s maiden name and I’m super close to that side of the family) so I don’t want to drop it.  I’ve been published under my maiden name, so I don’t want to drop that either, so I’m just going to have 2 last names.  I’m going to go by my BF’s name socially though.  I would actually prefer just to keep my name as-is, but Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t ask for much, and he really wants me to take his name.

    ETA: I don’t care at all what other people choose to do.

    Post # 6
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I kept my maiden name. It really wasn’t much of a decision for me, I never even considered taking his name. I just feel like as an equal partner, there’s no need to change my identity just because I got married.

    Post # 7
    3000 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @MrsRugbee:  You’re not legally allowed to change your name?? How did I not know that? Is it the same in other provinces??


    To respond to the OP, I am taking my FH’s last name after we are married and getting rid of my current last name. I never even considered other options. I like my middle name and signify changing my last name to his as our unity as a couple and a new family.

    Post # 8
    1856 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I voted that I’m keeping my name. This is partially because legally where I reside, neither spouse can change their name. You can of course be referred to as your spouses’s last name socially, but all documents must remain in the maiden name.

    I grew up with a mother who kept her maiden name while my brother and I had our dad’s last name. I’ve never felt passionately about it either way, but I do recall having many incidents where teachers/other parents/etc thought my mother was not my bio mom due to the difference in last names. My daughter has only my last name, and so we’ll leave it alone for now, although I may consider adding his second last name (he has a hyphenated last name already) to mine and my daughter’s if we have other children while living elsewhere in the future.

    Because I’ve never felt strongly about it and I’m not keeping mine for moral/personal reasons, I don’t really have an opinion about someone taking their FH’s last name. I think it’s a really personal decision, and I think people get judged on both sides. Women who choose to keep their last names are sometimes denigrated for not ‘being part of the family’ or other nonsense, while those who change it sometimes get told they’re following the norm, etc. It’s no one’s business but yours and your FH’s, in my opinion. I do wish it wasn’t the default option, and that couples who are uncomfortable with it being that way aren’t regarded as weird for thinking over their options and maybe choosing an alternative that works best for them.

    Post # 9
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I can’t wait to take my SO’s last name, for me it’s never been a question, but I can’t imagine judging someone else for whatever decision they decide to make!

    Post # 10
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I kept my maiden name, but EVERYONE calls me “Mrs. [DH’s last name]” automatically.

    I don’t give a hoot what anyone else does with their name as long as they aren’t making silly comments about what I chose to do 🙂

    Post # 11
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m planning on taking fiance’s last name. I think he would be devastated if I didn’t. I don’t have any reason why I would not take my fiance’s last name so I’m choosing to stick with tradition and take it. Honestly, it’s one of the things I’m looking forward to. I never liked my last name (it’s a female first name, so at work people think it’s my name), so now I get the chance to change it!

    Post # 12
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m a #1 because it’s the best choice for me. I’m not going to second-guess what someone believes to be the best choice for them in such a personal and emotionally-charged matter.

    ETA: my fiance has made it very clear that he has no preference in this matter.

    Post # 13
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I am taking my FI’s last name and my maiden name will become my middle name. 


    I don’t really have an opinion on someone not taking their FH’s last name. Whatever works for them! 

    Post # 15
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My Fiance would have loved for me to take his last name, and I would have added it to the end of mine, not completely dropping my name cause I like it. Unfortunately in Quebec I’m not allowed to take my husbands last name. In order to effectuate a name change here, you have to go to court. You pay a ton of money and present your case stating why your name is not a good name and often they don’t agree anyways. It’s ridiculous in my opinion but what can we do. 

    Post # 16
    2227 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    @Mrs. Fireworks:  It varies from province to province. The idea is that the spouses are equal when entering into marriage so they keep their names. In the end they’re not so equal cause something like 80% of kids take their father’s last name… And it’s super complicated to change your name: you’d have to prove that it goes against your religion or causing you horrible psychological turmoil.

    The topic ‘Thoughts on a bride not changing her last name’ is closed to new replies.

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