Thoughts on dating while fat??

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

curiouscat2017 :  ugh ok i see, those people who made that kind of comments seem not very nice at all. sometimes i have the impression that it’s often women pushing down other women but the guys might not think the same.

Post # 32
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

 curiouscat2017 :  That makes sense — I definitely empathize with feeling like the heaviest person in the room (I’m in medical school, so what you’re saying about med school classes being slimmer on average rings true for me). I understand your perspective now, thanks for explaining ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 33
Member
4568 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

ne11y23 :  Interesting. I do want to point out that an Aussie 16 is quite a bit smaller than a US 16, a US 16 is an Aussie size 20.

I am about a Aussie 14 and don’t look anywhere near as awesome as the lady listed as the 16 ๐Ÿ˜›

OP, just DO IT. You are worthy of love and affection whether you are a size 0 or 40, it just doesn’t matter. 

Post # 34
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t make a comment about weight in your profile – prospective dates will be able to see pictures of you, so they won’t be blindsided. Men love confidence, so “own it” and don’t spend your first impression on a dating site apologizing for yourself (which is how that sort of comment would be construed). This is different from someone saying that they’re only looking for serious relationships up front, which can be necessary as a filter.

Post # 35
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I met my Fiance at my heaviest and he loved me as much then as he does now at my lightest! So I don’t think you should close yourself off until you think you look like what people want! 

Post # 36
Member
2660 posts
Sugar bee

OP–one thing we have learned from last weeks tragedy: We are not promised tomorrow. Live your life fully, no matter what you weigh.

Post # 37
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

You know “fat” people get married too, right? Like people that are not just “a size 12/14” but medically classed as morbidly obese? How do you think that happens?

Post # 38
Member
47 posts
Newbee

Omg I had to seriously think if I had written this and forgotten! I kind of fell exactly the same right now, put on some weight and lost all confidence. I’m not really sure I want to find my soulmate but i’d like someone to do coupley things with. I just worry so much that people will think eww she doesn’t look like her pics or oh jeez, she’s big and I keep thinking, once I lose weight i’ll put myself out there. I havent spoken to any of my friends about it, we don’t see each other often and i’m the tough one who is there to give them advice, I don’t speak about my issues.

 

Post # 39
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

curiouscat2017 :  I’m very familiar with the medical, law, and business fields, since I went into one of them and have a Darling Husband and many, many friends who are in the other two (elite universities are feeders into these fields), and while yes I agree that these people tend to be slimmer than average, they are not always a size 0-4. Many are a size 6 or 8 or 10 even. You really can’t judge sizes by looking at people. 

I don’t say this to be mean, but I wonder if you have some sort of body dysmorphia that was brought on by people bullying you about your size. The way you have been treated is not okay at all, and I hope you know that. But at the same time, I also know that you are wrong about this idea that almost everyone in the medical, law, and business field is a size 0-4. Slimmer than average (size 14) I will give you, but not a 0-4.

 

To the OP: I’m a “big” woman; size 18-20. I have endocrine problems that make it easy to gain weight and extremely hard to lose, so much of my weight was gained in my late teens/early 20s. And guess what? I still consistently found men who wanted to date me, and found me sexy. My Darling Husband is tall and well proportioned, on the slim side. Curiouscat2017 would probably be curious as to how I found myself a partners like that (actually all of the guys I have ever dated have been this type)–all I can say is that, in my experience, men like women of a variety of different sizes and find them sexy. I didn’t need to act any different, I was just my normal self, so my tip for you is to be yourself and put yourself out there.

I understand that you’re feeling insecure, and I do think that you should work on ways to feel better in your body, but I don’t think that you should hold your life back because you’re not at the “perfect” weight. If we’re being honest–you might get there in a few months or a few years or you might never get there. How long are you willing to put your life on hold? I don’t think you should, I think you should work on loving yourself as you are but also live your life in every other way, and that includes dating and self-improvement.

You deserve to be with someone who will love you as you are now and as you will be in the future (including weight loss/gain, and any other changes that happen in life). Those men are out there, and that’s what true love and partnership is about.

Post # 40
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

anonbee299 :  I agree with your friends. A guy should like you just the way you are. Yes, it is good that you want to work on yourself and get healthy for YOU, but I don’t think that’s necessary to go on Bumble! I use it too and it’s like a game when you see it’s a match. Good luck!

Post # 41
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I won’t say that I’m fat, but I’m definitely curvy, chubby even, and I’ve never had a problem getting dates. Like women, men definitely have “tastes”, so just accept that you might not be everyone’s cup of tea, and go out there and rock it. Honestly, if I met a guy who didn’t want to date me until I was post weight loss, I wouldn’t want to be with him anyways.

 

My current SO dated me originally years ago when I was struggling with an eating disorder and weighed about 100 pounds. We reconnected a few years after when I was about 50 pounds heavier, and he swears he didn’t even notice… ๐Ÿ˜‘ so yeah, I wouldn’t even worry about it. Work out for your health definitely, but don’t worry about dating.

Post # 42
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

anonbee299 :  I think you should date if you’re interested in dating.  Don’t wait to live your life.  This time is valuable and precious.

I have a very dear friend who has wanted to date for years, but hasn’t because she wanted to lose weight.  I begged her to put herself out there, but she insisted that she couldn’t until she lost the weight.  She has lost some weight, but not at her goal, and it’s been years, and she still isn’t dating.  At this point, she’s seeing her friends get married and she’s pretty lonely.  She’s such a wonderful person, and it makes me so sad, there’s probably some awesome guy out there who’s lonely and would love to be with her, but she’s missing out.

Go for it! And while you’re at it, you can work on yourself and work out, etc to get to your goals.

Post # 43
Member
440 posts
Helper bee

 As long as you feel emotionally ready, go for it.

The only caution I’d have is that if you go from a size 16 to a size 10, you may lose some of the earlier suitors because they may have a preference for certain body types. Like I’m a size 2/4 American, if I went up 3 sizes to an 8, there is a fair chance that my SO’s sexual attraction towards me might diminish quite rapidly. And vice versa, if he went from the way he looks now to an overweight or steroidal-looking body type we’d probably stop dating too.

And yes, you deserve someone who loves you no matter your size, but sexual attraction is separate from love. You can love someone and not be attracted to them physically, likewise attracted to them sexually but not love them. And just because someone stops being attracted to you sexually when you gain/loss weight or whatever doesn’t make them a bad person, you are attracted to what you are attracted to and no one should be guilted for it.

ne11y23: Australian sizes are drastically different, I’m an American 2 and I happily fit into an Aussie size 6, my yoga pants are a size 8. A size 14-16 Australian is size 10-12 American (what OP wants to be, not what she is). FYI since I moved a year ago and the sizing differences threw me off quite badly when I first went shopping.

Post # 44
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Lose the weight first if you’re not happy about it!

1) So that you’re confident and happy with yourself
2) So you get to be more selective in your dating

I spent my whole life 20-30lbs heavier than I wanted to be… I lost 40lbs while going through a bad breakup a few years ago (at age 29) and dating became SO much more pleasant than it had ever been!

I was happy and feeling good about myself for the first time, and I met my wonderful SO shortly thereafter – remember – like attracts like!

Also – 15 pounds is nothing! You can lose that in 2 months.

Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 45
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I think it depends. If your type is a super fit/buff guy then I can see why waiting until your at a comfortable weight before putting yourself out there. However, if body type doesn’t mean much than go for it. 

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