Thoughts on dating while fat??

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

anonbee299 :  

Oh, Bee.  Don’t let a number on a scale or size tag control your life or be the arbiter of your self esteem.  Neither of those are even trustworthy.  According to my doctor, our weight can fluctuate as much as seven (!) pounds over the course of a single day.  Women’s clothing sizes are all over the map.  You can have three different manufacturers label their jeans the same size yet vary wildly in actual size.

I used to be quite heavy. And never without dates. In fact, I gained even more during my divorce.  I did online dating and had a great time and met Dh pretty quickly.  He has never, ever criticized my weight.  I suspect if you tied him up and interrogated him, he would eventually confess that he likes the way I look thin a bit better.  But, it’s never been a matter of importance to him.

When I did the online thing, I always checked the “few extra pounds” box.  I was very honest about exactly who I am.  It was important to me to be as truthful as possible.

IMO, your online profile is the linchpin of your whole online dating experience.  When Bees post here about all of their terrible online dating disasters, I have to wonder what they might be putting out there.  So, my advice is put more thought into what you want to say in your profile and less thought about your weight.

Post # 47
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Oh no no no, don’t even think about trying to date or live your life until you lose that 30 pounds. In fact, don’t even bother leaving the house. You might as well just sit inside with a paper bag on your head… see how silly that sounds. Go date, girl!

Post # 48
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

I met my fiancé online and was kinda nervous because I was at a pretty high weight for myself. Evdn though I had gained weight, I was finally happy with myself after an abusive relationship, and confidence is definitely sexy! The funny thing is that he was nervous about his body too because he’s a body builder and in his past dating experience, women were too intimidated by his size. I say as long as you are happy with yourself, you should absolutely jump into the dating world! There is someone for everyone out there and what one person might not be attracted to, another one will find beautiful! 

Post # 49
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

anonbee299 :  I actually found dating to be a lot easier when I was chubby, which for me was 145 pounds and size 8.  I had no problem meeting nice, normal guys who were attracted to me.  

But I hated being chubby because I didn’t feel physically good, so I started working out and eating better.  I lost 35 pounds and got to my current 110 pounds, size 2.  Let me tell you, the assholes come out of the woodwork when you’re thin.  So many more men objectified me.  I had more “high earning potential” superficial guys interested in me, but fewer of the average looking good guys.  

My point is dating is never easy, but it’s probably easier when you’re average.  That way, you get more people to choose from who pick you because of your personality as opposed to your appearance.

You shouldn’t wait to lose weight, you should wait until you feel a little better about your break up.

Post # 50
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I totally think you should get back out there! Who cares what size you are and most guys like some meat anyway. I know I’d be wondering the same as you, but just do it! Good luck!

Post # 51
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Recently I heard someone on the radio advise all men and women with online dating profiles to have a full body picture on their profile. Words don’t give a good, objective idea of appearance. Chunky means different things to different people. If you’re upfront and honest with a flattering, but unretouched photo of your body, rather than only providing a face portrait, people can decide for themselves whether or not they’re interested before contacting you or meeting up.

You want to weed out those who are not worth your time from the get-go. You also want to avoid getting to the point where you’ve been speaking with someone and have established a connection, and then are worried they’ll reject you if you meet in person, because they are surprised by your size.

Size isn’t everything, so you should get out there now!

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