Thoughts on donating your eggs for money?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What are your thoughts on donating eggs?
    As long as it gives hopeful parents a chance to start a family : (25 votes)
    26 %
    I'd do it for the money. Plenty of where those eggs came from : (30 votes)
    31 %
    Other : (42 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    5161 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    allywed :  I don’t see what is so wrong with some people saying never or that it is not for them. They aren’t saying no one else should ever do it. People are entitled to make a subjective decision on what they themselves would or would not do.

    I am one who does not happen to think adding more people to the planet is a wonderful thing. Which is a significant part of why I am personally childfree, and part of why I absolutely can say I would never do this. I don’t care what others do, whether it is donate or sell their eggs, sperm, or have children, and so on. But it is something I will never participate in.

    I would on the other hand donate – without payment – a kidney or part of my liver to someone I cared about, but that is not the poll question. Heck I have even been on the bone marrow donor list for a decade or so. Again, we all get to decide what is right for us. I don’t expect others to also willingly add themselves to the bone marrow donor list, or to donate a kidney, or tell them “you can’t say never!”.

    I will also add that if someone is anticipating getting paid $10,000-$46,000 for their eggs, it is not just kindness or generosity at play, and it really is no longer “literally giving the gift of life” as you call but but “providing a couple with the opportunity to conceive and have a child in exchange for money”. It’s literally not a gift if you are getting compensated for it.

    Post # 47
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    carolinabelle :  I guess you and I haven’t been reading the same comments.  Of course, no one should have to donate (or sell) any bodily tissue, let alone their eggs if they don’t want to.  Those aren’t the comments I alluded to.

    What I have seen is many comments saying “Never!” and nothing else (weddingmaven, for instance), as well as many trying to discourage the OP from donating.  I have a different take.  If the OP is healthy and qualified and wants to do so, why are so many encouraging her not to?  I guess we have different reading comprehensions, especially when it comes to subtext. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I would donate my eggs to a family member or close friend if they were struggling with infertility and that may help them. 

    I would only consider selling my eggs if I was in a really desperate financial situation. It just seems like a lot of discomfort/inconvenience and invasive procedures for up to 10k.. honestly, I’d rather just work at my regular job to earn that money if I could. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    RayKay :  Please see my comment above.  As for generosity, I can think of nothing more generous than being an egg or sperm donor.  You and I have a very different idea about what generosity entails.  Being an egg donor is physically and emotionally taxing. Getting compensated for such a “gift” does not make it any less generous.  It just means that more women will “donate” so that more couples can find the right match for their child’s biological mother.  As someone who is child free by choice and does not want to over populate the world, you cannot understand how much it matters to many people to have children that are like them.  

    Post # 50
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I wanted to do this! Not even for the money, I don’t necessarily want kids, but it breaks my heart when other couples who do want kids can’t have any. I meet all the standards save the BMI related one. I’m about 20 pounds under what I should be and I have a hell of a hard time trying to gain weight 🙁

    I would give my all to make a difference like  that.

    Post # 51
    Member
    9528 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    berrybelle :  In case you were commenting to my post- it sin’t as much the baby belonging to the donor but the teenager/ young adult coming around wanting to ask about the donor mother. That is another can of worms I have seen happen to male friends who have been sperm donors. But you are right, egg donation is not for me. 

    That and who would want these old eggs? Family and friends who have wanted kids already have their own. There are plenty of other willing donors, just look at this thread of lovely ladies willing to volunteer.

    Post # 52
    Member
    462 posts
    Helper bee

    theatrejulia :  🙂 It was a comment for OP who wrote “would you consider seeing your babies”.

    I think if one’s mindset is that of zero emotional attachment (e.g. it’s just a child who shares some of my genetic code) I’d say you’re more suited than somebody who’s unable to uncouple the idea of the child being somehow “theirs”. To me OP’s language suggested she’s more the latter which is not a judgement as I know I wouldn’t be able to donate eggs and not think about what happened to “my” child.

    This being said, even if you are of the former (zero attachment) mindset I agree that child wanting to contact you could be a HUGE issue, especially in the UK where donor egg babies have the legal right to access identifying information about their donor when they turn 18. So for me with either mindset it would be lose-lose and not something I could ever overcome as selfless as that would be. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee

    I’m another “no way” answer. And I don’t think donating eggs is a particularly selfless act when there are so many children already alive that need loving homes. With every egg you donate you may be taking away the future home of another child in care.

    Post # 54
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    northbynorthwest :  Most couples who use donated eggs are using the husband’s sperm.  They want a child who they, as a couple, have a biological tie to.  The wives also want the chance to be pregnant and give birth to the child.

    Adopting is yet another very generous act, but I don’t think that eliminating ivf with an egg donor would have much of an impact on adoption rates.  I think a lot of those couples would just remain childless.  Just as many people have no desire to donate their eggs, many people are hesitant to raise a child that isn’t related to them.  

    Again, I think that you and Raykay cannot understand the joy that certain infertile couples feel from having a partially biologically related child with an egg donor of their choice.  It is a gift to them (and to the child), regardless of your personal ideology.

    Post # 55
    Member
    3050 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    allywed :  I’m not sure why you’re feeling so sensitive to this topic though. The OP asked for everyone’s personal feelings and made a specific poll asking if they would do it. People sharing that they would not do it whether with or without explanation is just as valid of an answer as those that would do it. If the OP decides otherwise then that is her own accord. If she is serious then she’ll look for opinions and research from sources beyond just a wedding website. If she decides not to then it’s clear that she is not of the mindset and personal preparation that one would need to be to donate at this moment. 

    It’s great to understand the positive side and it’s also great to understand the negatives. Trying to give someone a sugar coated view to feel motivated to donate will not end well if they then have regrets or mixed feelings after the fact. If someone cannot handle all the opinions and facts pertaining to it then they need to step back before they go through a serious process. 

    It’s nice that you are secure in your choice to donate and that’s what any parents would want from a donor. However, what is clear to many here is that the OP has some misconceptions about it and, whatever way we look at it, she needs to go look into it more to make sure she has the right information. 

    I also do not think you can presume what is a gift to the child. Yes, many children have no problems with the aspect of being born by donor egg or sperm. However, there are many children whom also go through great personal struggles and identity challenges because they themselves still decide they would have wanted to know whom their donor was. I know individuals personally that do. This is not to scare the OP or fight you but just that I think it’s faulty to downplay issues a child may have or face while speaking for them to say they’d feel gifted.

    Post # 56
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    soymilk :  I didn’t qualify to donate, so I am not a donor.  I am “sensitive” to this topic because I know how hard it is to become a donor.  The clinics won’t take someone who isn’t of the right mindset.  They analyze you psychologically.  My answers aren’t just for the OP, they are for anyone who might come across this question.

    Furthermore, I think it’s beyond insufferable to tell infertile couples that it’s for the best because the world is overpopulated or that they should adopt instead.  Infertility is a nightmare for people who want to reproduce and ivf with an egg donor is a miracle for many.  

    I’m sorry, but I won’t entertain the nonsense that being alive isn’t a gift.

    Post # 57
    Member
    3050 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    allywed :  Except no one is telling infertile couples they have to adopt or that it’s for the best. What anyone decides to do whether as an infertile couple or as a viable donor is up to them entirely.

    People that have personal convictions about the population crisis are merely expressing why it would prevent them from donating which is completely valid for them to feel and express. The point was to share how you feel about it…it wasn’t say how you want everyone else to feel about it. Everyone here is speaking for themselves not for others. If the OP or future readers cannot separate that and formulate their own feelings objectively then they have a farther way to go before being ready for the donation. Anyone absolutely serious about doing this will go to the clinic resources and their personal health providers to get advice. 

    I also won’t entertain the nonsense that being alive is automatically a gift that each and every individual must subscribe to.

    Post # 58
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    soymilk :  If everyone is free to express their opinions, why do my opinions bother you so much?  Every comment I have made except for one was a reply to someone who had replied to me.  Why do you have a problem with my responses to their conversation with me? 

    Post # 59
    Member
    3050 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    allywed :  Your comments don’t bother me. I’m merely replying because I have differing feelings and this is a conversation board. However, you also seem to easily express the intentions of many here and call out people for only putting “never”. You have every right to do so but it does not mean others and myself can not respond in turn to dispute the logic in it.

    Post # 60
    Member
    244 posts
    Helper bee

    soymilk :  I’m not trying to be mean, but you sadden me.  I can’t believe that you don’t think life is an “automatic” gift.  

    I can understand having a curiosity in your background, but I cannot understand being depressed and regretting your life because you don’t know who one of your biological parents is.  Being lied to from the start or having one of your parents abandon would you be very upsetting, but that is different from being the wanted half-biological child of an infertile couple.  Your mindset makes me want to go see a therapist.

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