Post # 1
I’m hoping to get some perspective from bees who have eloped, are eloping, or considered it but decided to keep planning their wedding.
I’m feeling like I am spending a lot of time and money planning a reception and the ceremony has become pretty unimportant. People are asking if the ceremony will be 10 minutes or less and other similar comments. To me, it seems like a whole lot of money and time to plan a party for people I feel obligated to invite.
I’m considering cancelling our October wedding and just getting married at the courthouse sometime this month. I’m worried that I’ll regret this decision years from now (specifically not having my dad walk me down the aisle, not cutting the cake, first dance etc.)
Hoping to get some perspective.
Post # 3
@Tigerlynn: Im not even engaged yet and have been struggling with this! But let me tell you.. I’m friends with a girl, and a few days ago she let everyone know via instagram and facebook that earlier in December, her and her boyfriend had gone to the courthouse and gotten married. They shared it with their families as a Christmas surprise, and after Christmas let everyone else know. You know what I felt? JEALOUS. It seemed like the most wonderful, romantic thing in the world. She wore a short white dress, had a bouquet, and looked like the happiest girl alive.
Post # 4
I eloped with my DH and we had a small restaurant dinner for us and about 35 family members and friends when we came back.
The main reason for this was all the money we saved doing it this way. It was definitely very low stress and lots of fun for us, and we had almost no arguments.
That said I do have some regrets not having anyone present at the ceremony and not doing the party and the ceremony all at the same time together at the same time. But it’s not something I think about a whole lot either. So I think if you are feeling like you are just needing to invite a bunch of rude ingrates who don’t even care, you may really enjoy an elopement.
Post # 5
@Tigerlynn: Your dad can escort you into the court house.
There is still a way to elope and have the things that are important to you. Maybe just planning a smaller, private ceremony with immediate family and a few close friends might be better for you?
Maybe a small destination wedding? I see way too many brides here that regret their big wedding that was for someone else. Please don’t be one of them. Talk to your FI and see what you guys really want out of it, and go from there.
Post # 6
@Tigerlynn: We considered a courthouse wedding (FI wanted it, I wasn’t sure) and then decided to go with a small wedding (~40 to 50 peope). How I WISH we had stayed with his courthouse idea.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA
We contemplated a huge wedding… and then an elopement… and then we decided on a destination wedding with 20 guests, with a cake/dessert reception. no dancing…. (which was 50/50 wedding/elopement lol) and honestly, I loved our little wedding, we saved money that we would have used for a big wedding, and i LOVED the pictures from it… but we both kind of wished we would have saved the money completly and eloped just us… The simplicity, stress free, cheap way to do it… and you can still find ways to make it great and romantic and yours<3
FYI: Cake cutting SUCKS! how do you cut the bottom layer of a cake that has 2 tiers in it? I still dont know!!! And i totally understand, your spending money for your wedding, but you feel like you have to spend it up to peoples expectations, not your own…. and then most of your money is going down peoples throat… It’s stressful, and it shouldnt be. And i dont regret for a second not having a first dance. lol We arent the type of people who love the attention anyways. And for the dad walking you down the aisle, my brother walked me down the aisle so thats you. You can always have your dad walk you down to the judge? lol Theres cute ways to go about it… believe me. Pinterest it:)
Post # 8
We’re having a private ceremony. It will be relaxed and stress-free; we can enjoy the day and focus on our love for each other. (My wedding motto is “No fuss—just us!”) We plan to have a casual party with our immediate family and close friends at a later date, to celebrate with them and show them our wedding video. On the day of, however, it will just be me and my best friend—and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Post # 9
We’re eloping and then having a casual party at a later time. We’d rather spend our money on a house and also on a long honeymoon. However, we are very non-traditional and do not like being the center of attention. For the party I plan on wearing a nice dress though, and hiring a photographer.
Post # 10
@Tigerlynn: We also planned out the whole big shin-dig for around 100 ppl until the stress, price, and more got to us. We just decided we were spending too much $$ & stressing ourselves out for a single day that was really for everyone but us. DH wouldn’t have enjoyed it after all that, and I hate big crowds and entertaining so many ppl. We decided on an intimate beach wedding with our legally required 4 witnesses and called it a day. It was great! Minimal stress- we just used a package with our hotel coordinator in Mexico- and the hotel took care of the rest. We did a dinner afterwards but no dancing or anything (DH is soo not a dancer at all). Our 4 witnesses left to go back to the states the next day, and we spent another 4-5 nights there alone for our honeymoon. Then we flew to our families home state for a casual bbq celebration at the local park. All in all, less than $5K (which was under half our original budget not including the honeymoon) very little stress, and we are still so happy with our decision. We did have some drama with DH’s family but it all turned out to be 100% unrelated to our decision and was some personal issues his mom was working through more related to “losing” her son….
If you want more reading I posted about it here:
Post # 11
Thanks for the responses so far.
Did anyone get really involved in their planning before decided to elope? I have my save the dates addressed and stamped and ready to go out this week in addition to a deposit on the venue and caterer, bakery and photographer. I don’t think at this point any of the money is refundable.
Any other bees with thoughts on how to get back to enjoying wedding planning?
Post # 12
I had paid the deposit for a DOC, thinking we would be having a bigger wedding. Still, I was very stressed and unhappy. Once FI and I decided to have a private ceremony, planning became enjoyable again! We decided what was important (photography, videography) and either scrapped the rest or chose cheap DIY options.
Post # 13
@Tigerlynn: eloping is awesome. I did it. But you need to do it because its what you want, kwim?
Post # 14
@Tigerlynn: What is it that you and your FI really want? Is it just stress getting to you?
Maybe you just need to take a break in the planning for a week or two. If you haven’t sent STDs, do not sent them yet! You have plenty of time.
If after taking a break, if you still are unhappy with your plans is there a way to use the same vendors and scale it back, upgrade your options, invite just the people you really want there, and use just one space instead of the whole facility?
I saw the photos of your venue. The fireplace area is gorgeous all on it’s own. The room really doesn’t need much for decor. I would keep it simple with candles of some sort, and pops of color on the tables.
Post # 15
@Tigerlynn: My wedding was suppose to be oct 26 of last year. Everything was settled, going through the process and everyone knew. My registries were done, invitations picked out, food picked out, the whole planning was complete. I was excited at first, but then here comes the feeling obligated to invite this person and that from my parents. Then feeling like I was throwing a party for everyone else instead of a wedding. I originally wanted just about 30-40 guest. Then it was turning into over 100. FI wasn’t liking that. Unfortunately, I stopped talking to my mom, for unrelated reasons and decided to cancel my wedding because I didn’t want her there. My dad was upset and bummed because the family was looking forward to a wedding. But once I canceled, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I can breath! Lol. Best decision ever and we do not regret it. We are now just going to elope, just the two of us.
Post # 16
We’re “eloping”, more or less. We’re signing the papers at the courthouse with some close friends and family, and then flying to Jamaica for a private ceremony on the beach. I stressed over planning a big wedding on a really tight budget for the longest time, and now I have nothing to stress over. It’s wonderful.