(Closed) Thoughts on female pastor?

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
3036 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

I think your request is a bit silly and very rude. But the only non-offensive way I can think to go about it would be to single out a specific pastor you like and ask if there’s any way you can pick him. 



Post # 18
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, why wouldn’t you want to be married by a woman? Do you think that a woman would do a poorer job running then ceremony than a man? Do you object to women in the clergy, in general?

You have clearly chosen to have your wedding in a church that supports clergy that are both male and female, so if you don’t like that stance, then I would find a different church. I don’t really think there’s an inoffensive way to put this. I’ve known a couple female clergy over the years, if they got this request they would be nice (they are pastors, after all) but be very hurt by the sexism of the request.

OP, do you work? Think about how you would feel if someone came to you and asked if they could work with one of your male colleagues because they didn’t think it was appropriate for a woman to be doing your work. That’s how it’s going to feel to this pastor. Personally, I’d just get over it and have her be the officiant. But if it’s something you can’t get over, I’d see if the church will let you bring in your own officiant (and you can find someone you’re comfortable with) or find a new church for the ceremony.

Post # 19
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

happybunny177:  there’s no way to make that request without being offensive. You are essentially asking the church to be an active participant in gender discrimination. If you have  conservative, religious beliefs, perhaps it would be more appropriate for you to get married in a church that shares your beliefs rather than requesting that a more progressive church adapt to suit your beliefs. 

Post # 20
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

happybunny177:  I think you should meet with her before you make any decisions.  You might find you really like her.

Otherwise, it would probably be pretty sexist and offensive to request a different pastor.  I don’t really get the issue though, if your church is ok with femal pastors, why aren’t you?

Post # 21
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

happybunny177:  Is this your church? If so, they support female pastors, so how could you be opposed to this? If this is not the church you attend, you should find a church that doesn’t support having female officiants. I would find it highly offensive to ask for a male pastor. Not saying you can’t make the request, but it would be very offensive to ask this church especially if they support it.

Post # 22
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry, but are you serious? You’re a woman, right? What do you have against a female pastor? I honestly want to know. I also come from a “stronger religious background” — 3 of my immediate family members (2 women!) are pastors. So I am curious what your reservations are.

Post # 23
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If I was that pastor I’d be very offended. Actually I feel offended now though this is not directed to me. Anyway I generally have a serious problem with any kind of unfair discrimination. Being from a country that has a huge history of discrimination and culture that has a tendency of undermining the capabilities of a female doesn’t really help as well. I’m just a black South African woman & I’ve been discriminated almost my entire life. It’s not nice at all. 

Post # 24
509 posts
Busy bee

If the church you’re affiliated with allows female pastors, and you don’t believe in that, it’s time for you to find another church.  If you have very strong religious beliefs, you have to go somewhere that holds the same belief system as you.  I think it would be EXTREMELY inappropriate to request a male pastor.    There is no way to ask without being offensive.

Post # 25
1214 posts
Bumble bee

happybunny177:  Wow!  Why aren’t you getting married in your own church that has imbibed you with those neandrethal beliefs? Will you become your husband’s property when you marry him? 

Post # 26
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

happybunny177:  Hmm…I’m going to try to answer this objectively. I guess just explain that you would be more comfortable with a male pastor as opposed to a female one. I see no other way to pose an awkward and borderline offensive request. Everyone is free to make their own choices, but yours puzzles me. I also grew up in a very, very strict religious household (Catholic), where you were married by a male priest if you got married in the church, so I understand your background, but I purposely chose a female friend to officiate our wedding. Is there a legitimate reason you don’t want a female pastor? If you feel so strongly about it, why are you getting married at a church that allows one? Surely if they don’t have a problem with it, you shouldn’t either. 

And just an aside, prepare yourself for the responses, haha, because I’m forcing myself to be very objective in responding, but I really just want to shake you and demand to know what the eff is so wrong with a female pastor!!!???

Post # 27
4245 posts
Honey bee

Overjoyed:  Are you seriously comparing gender discrimination to colour preference?

Post # 28
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

happybunny177:  Are you not in your own church? If you are, your church accepts female pastors so it would be and insult.

If you are not in your own, you might be refused, if they find it it an insult? However if you are paying for the church hire/pastor and the church is not your own, you might talk to a clerk or something?

PS I would LOVE a female pastor but in FI’s church they are rare.

PPS Is it the ladies name you oppose? Shame, she did not choose it.

Post # 29
108 posts
Blushing bee

I’m the opposite.  I wish Catholism allowed for female priests, so that I can be married by one.  I don’t see why a woman would be less spiritual or know god any less than a man.  You haven’t even met her!

When my husband and I were first married, we actually had a sister of a friend who is a female Rabbi offer to marry us since the Catholic church was giving us such a hard time.  The offer was very sweet, but it was not our faith, so we declined.

At least you have the option of chosing.  Perhaps you may want to consider finding another church or chosing a faith that is not progressive at all.  I wont say any more than that, since as a feminist, this whole topic makes my blood boil…

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  ellie17.
Post # 30
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ClaudiaKishi:  No, I’m not. Actually, I’m not discussing discrimination at all. But I can see that some PPs are eager to see it that way. 

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