(Closed) Thoughts on guests bringing babies to wedding ceremonies

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

definitely a hot topic and one that is much discussed on the boards.  it is up to you and your Fiance to decide what kind of event you’ll have, but be prepared to receive flak either way. 

if you go with the no babies rule, you should be consistent and make sure you’re ok with some new parents deciding not to attend.   babysitting services are not required, though some do provide a sitter, a baby/kids room or at least offer some local resources.  perhaps you could find a recommended service in your area or some listings and offer them as resources to the new parent, politely explaining that you’d prefer no infants at the ceremony.

the key is to be clear and consistent and, if possible, offer alternatives to bringing the newbies to the ceremony.

Post # 4
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I agree with miss m.  This is your choice, and if you do decide no children you, your mother, or mother in law (which ever is appropiate) should call and speak with the couple explaining they are sorry, but children are not invited to the reception/wedding

   Some people will take this hard, some won’t.  Make yourselves happy.  That’s all you can do.  And no, I don’t think it’s your responsibility to provide a sitter either.  

 

   Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t see anything wrong with allowing them to bring the baby but expressing concern beforehand – "I’m so happy you’ll be able to attend, but because of our videography, please be ready to take Junior to XXXX if he starts to whimper." Something like that…

Post # 6
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

I’ve already voiced my opinion on this on the other thread, but today I had someone RSVP with their baby and then ask if I could provide a babysitter (which I offered) because "I don’t want my daughter to screw up your wedding!"  They’re from out of state and I am absolutely thrilled that they’re coming, and I am more than happy to hook them up with a sitter.

Post # 7
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I provided a babysitter for my out of town guest with a child and they spent the entire time upstairs with the baby because the baby screamed whenever mom left their site.  Oh well.  I tried.  But the in town people needed to leave their kids at home.  They complained and I smiled as they had a great time at my wedding without their kids.

Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

We are having an adult only wedding. Let me tell you, we’ve gotten a lot of heat for the choice that we’ve made. But at the end of the day it’s what I’ve always planned and I don’t regret my decision at all. It actually sort of warned me for who would be an issue in months to come. Stick to your guns!

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

children 3 and under are free at my venue, so those are allowed 😛

Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Your guests should know that if their baby’s name was not included explicitly on the invitation then he or she is not invited.  Everyone knows this.  You are totally not being a bridezilla if you kindly explain to them the situation and ask that they get a sitter.  I’m having kids at my wedding, but I totally understand not wanting them there as well.  Plus, it will give the mom and dad a chance for a nice evening out without baby.  And who doesn’t love that?

Post # 11
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

We decided not to have babies at our wedding as well.  Not only is the venue not safe for kids (a pool and a cactus garden), we have tons of friends and family with little ones and don’t want to pay for them all in catering costs, renting tables, etc.  In addition, I really don’t want any kids crying during the ceremony. 

At first, I felt like I was being a bridezilla.  Although, after talking with some of my friends that are Mom’s, they actually agreed with me.  Some of them were actually relieved to know that they have an excuse, have to get a babysitter, and can have an evening with their husband alone. 

I included a little poem on the wedding website.  It says:

To all our wonderful friends and family with babies at small children

The wedding is an evening affair

Please leave your children under someone else’s care.

Thank you!

I am going to write something like this on a separate paper and include it in the envelope with the invitation as well (for the people that apply).

I hope all these tips help everyone!

Post # 12
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I worded mine the same way and everyone wrote down their names (not their babies).  Day of the wedding 7 random children showed up.

🙁  I think people just don’t understand the 2 only thing does not include kids.  I felt bad for my friends who had called to ask me. 

Post # 13
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I REALLY wanted to go no children…then Future Sister-In-Law recently announced she is pregnant with her 1st child. Not sure how that is going to work out in light of the new (joyous) news. I may have to sacrifice what I want to maintain that relationship. That being said, I can definitely see where you are coming from and do not feel like you are being a bridezilla at all! I think consistency is the key.

Post # 14
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I was married a few weeks ago and we had a small ceremony with our families and a few friends.  And since I have a daughter, I didn’t ask that anyone leave their children or babies at home.  The ceremony was outside, in a smallish backyard.  There were 7 children 4 and under.  And honestly, I was so focused on the ceremony and vows that I was sharing with my new husband, that I didn’t notice that my 1 1/2 year old nephew was freaking out and screaming the entire time.  And I barely noticed that my 3 year old daughter migrated from standing next to my Maid/Matron of Honor to stand in between my husband and I (actually that was really cute and made for some VERY awesome photos).  My advice is that it IS your day, but a baby (or toddler) crying won’t ruin your day.  Likely you will be so focused on the amazing act of love, that you won’t even notice.  Good luck.  And if it is what you want, fight for it.  

Post # 15
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Erin – I was recently at a wedding where there was a newborn but no other children. I think if I recall correctly your wedding isn’t for a few years, so the child may be a toddler by that point, but maybe your sister will be ready for a break!

And Rachiesmom, while I do agree with you that I will probably be focused on the ceremony, our church is very "live" sound-wise, with the sound of talking on the one side of the church readily audible on the other side (this is how they do their intentions, people speak them from all over the church). Now, with people in there I know it’s going to absorb some of the sound and I’m well aware that there are going to be other sounds, but there is a huge different between your nephew freaking out in a backyard setting and your nephew freaking out in a small indoor church setting. But I’m glad that your daughter was a part of your big day – that must have been the icing on the cake for you!  

Post # 16
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

My fiance and I will not be allowing any children under 10 at our wedding, except for the 2 flower girls, who will be 5 and 7 and are immediate family. He has no small kids in his immediate family. We both have friends with kids and they will be told, no babies.

I do not like children. He does not like children though he tolerates them a bit better than I do. I do not want screaming kids ruining our day.

 

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