Thoughts on him calling you his Mrs when you’re still not engaged?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

If you’re ok with it, it’s fine I guess.

That said, I wouldn’t like that though for a few reasons…

1) don’t call me your Mrs. or wifey or the wife or anything along those lines whether we’re married or not. I find it gross and some a bit disrespectful. Actually, so does my husband, so it works out.

2) If you’ve only been together a year, aren’t engaged, etc it seems strange to me.

Post # 32
Member
2723 posts
Sugar bee

I could see it being annoying if you’re anxiously waiting to get married and he’s not ready yet, but if you’re on the same page with your timeline it wouldn’t really hold a lot of meaning either way to me. I hear a lot of people saying similar jokey things when they’re not married or engaged. It’s entirely dependent on context whether it’s offensive or not. 

Post # 33
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
whoisit :  

What do you mean ? ! “We live in London and are not those types of people ”  What  “types of people’  would  those be? 

Post # 34
Member
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Nope. That’s a privilege that comes with a signed marriage license. 

Post # 35
Member
6787 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

My husband tried that with me a couple times- calling me “wifey” before we were engaged. I let him know “I am not your wife until I’m your wife. I’m not going to be playing this game where you refer to me as wifey but we aren’t married and never will be.” It didn’t last. 😉

Post # 36
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

View original reply
whoisit :  When my boyfriend and I bought our house together, he tried to put me down as “fiance” on all the paperwork and I was like NOPE (triggered lol), it was lowkey insulting to me that he would call me his fiance if he hadn’t proposed. I basically told him that if he wants me to be his fiance, then he needs to make it happen and propose to me. I’m not going to present our relationship as something it’s not. 

If you’re okay with it then it’s NBD, but personally I don’t play those games. I take those titles seriously. 

Post # 38
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

If you were engaged then it could be ok but I wouldn’t be ok with it if I wasn’t engaged.

Edit: I mean, it really should only be said once your married. But when I was engaged I hated the word fiancé so if I was dealing with a company like the bank or our phone provider I’d always say things like “oh my husband will be home” “my husband will do that” etc, just cause I felt like if I said fiancé then that was an invitation for them to go “oh congrats! When’s the wedding??” Which I never wanted to talk about with strangers haha.

Post # 39
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I guess I’m in the minority here but I think it’s cute! I think it shows intentions. 

Post # 40
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Another Aussie chiming in that ‘The Mrs/Missus’ is a common term for significant other, and many people do not even associate the term with marriage. I also believe referring to in laws in common and normal even without marriage, didn’t know until reading this thread that others thought differently. 

Where I would take exception is when people start actually saying my wife/husband/wifey etc without being married, that seems more like the ‘playing house’ scenario to me that people try to avoid when they would like to move the relationship to engagement stage. 

Post # 41
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
whoisit :  The term ‘missus’ is used all over England, I’m currently living in the south and I hear it a lot. As PPs have said it’s a term of endearment used for gfs/partners. It’s not a hint of anything more. Sorry to be blunt, I just wouldn’t get my hopes up based on that.

If you continue to find it confusing maybe you could ask him what he means by it? 

 

Post # 42
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Canadian Rockies

Eh, he’s always called me “Wifey” on occasion. Doesn’t bug me. We have been together almost 7 years and are now engaged. The problem is, our fave names for each other are Boyfriend and Girlfriend, and now we aren’t that anymore technically lol! I need a new nickname for him once we’re married…

Post # 43
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I fucking HATED this. He would buy me birthday cards that said “to my wife” and I’d be like well, I’m not your wife.. so… 

I didn’t mind when other people did it. We had been together for 10 years before he proposed, so lots of my friends would call him my husband etc. Idk why it bothered me so much more when he did it though lol. 

Post # 44
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

My guy knows my distaste for the word “wifey” and has never referred to me as the Mrs, the wife, etc – but it really bothers me when other people frequently say it about me… I’m actively working on not responding with a snarky comment (stemming from my own impatience with wanting to be engaged) but over the past couple of years have gotten more jaded when people ask me when we’ll be getting married and usually retort with displaying my bare finger and something along the lines of “Why are you asking *me*?” 

Bad me… Bad.

Post # 45
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

Lol. I don’t get why so many are weird about that. When my Fiance and I started dating, after dated long enough to say the I Love Yous, he was calling me wifey now and again to his friends. Like, “Let me check on that with the wifey.” Or something along that line. I think it’s just a fun playful term thing. He told me after we got engaged that he knew I was “the one” pretty early on. So I think him saying that term was partly to him seeing a future with me. But I could care less about that word. Even if I was dating some rando and he used that word. Who knows? Maybe I’m just one of those people who don’t think too much into something like that.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors