Thoughts on him calling you his Mrs when you’re still not engaged?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
936 posts
Busy bee

I find it disrespectful because he’s giving you a pretend title. It’s manipulative in my opinion. 

Post # 47
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

He does it with a cheaky smile and although I adore his smile – it pisses me off

Post # 48
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I think it’s harmless, honestly i do. However if time goes on, years began to pass and he still hasn’t even at least proposed but continues to refer to you that way, then yes I could see an issue there. My Fiance’ calls me his wife and I call him my Husband from time to time, as we believe in speaking things into existence.

Post # 49
Member
2886 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

whoisit :  My husband never did that, but we have a coworker who used to always say “Let me check with the wife” whenever we talked about getting together, even though they weren’t married and for whatever reason it really annoyed me.

But, they’re married now 🙂 

Post # 50
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

It’s indicative of where you’re from. Where I’m from, this is not insulting at all, and actually is considered flattery as it solidifies you as his partner to society.

However, I can understand it’s frustrating if it’s totally new to your diction. “Mrs.” sounds incredibly marital without geographical context.

It’s entirely possible, of course, that he is mocking the non-insulting form of this phrase and is using it to abuse you. Idk why he would do that, but hey, some men are dickheads. 

Post # 51
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Yeah, mine tried that and I nixed it asap. He doesn’t get to call me that till he commits to it. 

Post # 52
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Not sure why people are bothered by it!

i don’t see it as much different than calling someone “hon, babe, or dear” (which my husband and I do, often!).

He has said “Missus” and Wifey before, probably after about a year of dating, I just kind of thought it was cute. But then, after he proposed, I told him we shouldn’t say those words anymore until we were actually married, kind of like a “let’s wait so that it’s special” kind of deal (not that I felt upset/disrespected/mislead etc). Now that we’re married and it’s still a few weeks out, we literally say stuff ALL the time to each other. Get home from work “Hi wife!” Haha. We have a lot of fun with it. Sometimes I’ll jokingly call him “wife” and he’ll call me “Husband”. Lately he’s been saying “Mrs. Wife” haha. It’s all in good fun though. We have a laugh about it!

Post # 53
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

Absolutely not. I’d probably look up in fake shock and and ask when we got hitched. Not interested in playing pretend or picture painting. I’ll start thinking about engagement when I’ve got a ring on my finger.

Post # 54
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It’s so common in the Uk I am not sure why it’s a question! It’s a term of endearment – you may not like it but it’s just a turn of phrase. Other half etc etc all fall in the same category. 

Likewise when I say – I’d like to kill him, I don’t mean I literally want to kill someone. 

Post # 55
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My husband called me his Frau (wife) once before we were engaged trying to be cute. When we first started dating he looked up a bunch of German pet names that he could call me which I thought was really sweet even though he mispronounces them to this day. But that one I was like no I’m not your wife you don’t call me that until we’re married. He started a new job and wore a wedding ring for interviews to look more stable and when he got hired continued to wear it .A lot of people at his job thought we were married and I did let that slide because I didn’t want to harm his career in any way by being weird about it and we were already engaged and about to get married at that point. I wouldn’t have been ok with it in passing though and I made that clear. As many others have pointed out it can often be come a way to give a girl hope when she should really move on. I would at least talk to him about it and let him know you noticed and you’re not sure how to feel about it. After all his Mrs should be able to discuss anything with him right😉

Post # 58
Member
43 posts
Newbee

At first I found it cute and I liked it. Now after so long of waiting for the proposal, I don’t like it anymore and always say “ahem… Miss.”

Post # 59
Member
12320 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’m married and wouldn’t tolerate being called anyone’s “Mrs.” The connotation is not a good one. But words have meaning. It’s misleading and even more annoying when people use it to refer to a SO. 

Post # 60
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

weddingmaven :  Yeha I think Mrs. is up there among “ball and chain” or “boss” as in “Let me check with the boss” or “yeh haha the old ball and chain” implying that you’re a boring drag that’s keeping him from doing whatever dumbass thing he wants to do.

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