(Closed) Thoughts on Man taking Women’s last name?

posted 7 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ask him if he wants to change it, especially if he isn’t very attached to it. The worst he can do is say no.

Post # 4
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Fiance and I still go back and forth on which of our names to take. He likes mine, I like his. I’m not sure about your options… I think if he’s okay with it, just have him take your name ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know of one couple who did that and it worked out fine.  The guy didn’t have an issue with it – he really did it out of love because the girl was the only child and her parents had no siblings, so there was no chance of the family name living on.  So he took her name since he had tons of brothers. 

Post # 6
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would ask, but understand that he may be somewhat surprised that you’re asking.

I’m of the opinion that couples should always look at all options, rather than assuming that it’s only a woman who does or does not change.  However there is often a lot more pushback if someone makes an unexpected choice (I think this pushback is a bad thing, to be honest, but I can’t help but acknowledge that it’s there).  The fact that he is not that attached to it and it doesn’t link him to his family may make it something he’s more willing or excited to do, though.

I asked my fiance about this.  He asked me about changing to his.  But we’re both pretty attached to our names so it’s not happening.  We don’t plan on having children, but if we do, we’ll hyphenate or something like that, since he would want them to have his name, and I told him he could name them whatever he wants when he figures out how to get pregnant. ๐Ÿ˜›

Post # 7
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it’s totally up to each person/couple – if it’s what you both want, it would be great! But if he prefers to keep his, you can each just keep your own names. That’s what my Fiance and I are doing.

Post # 8
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

my Darling Husband took my name!
similar situation – his father wasn’t the best guy, had other families (that Darling Husband doesn’t know at all). his father & mother left their country to live here in the US and he just didn’t grow up knowing the people that share his last name. the only one he’s in contact with now is his mother.
I, on the other hand, have a pretty big family, lots of uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc. so Darling Husband took my name and has the same name as his big gigantic family, the one he got by marrying me, hehe ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m  bit more traditional about this and think i would find it a bit strange if any of my guy friends got married and then took the woman’s last name. I must be old fashioned

Post # 10
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I asked my Fiance to take my mom’s maiden name but he won’t so I’ll be taking it and dropping my dad’s last name. His loss on not sharing a name, he’s mad about it but I’m not fighting I just said no way in hell-o am I taking your last name. That was the end of the story lol.

Post # 11
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t know what’s best for your situation, but Fiance and I decided that we would both take each other’s last names so that our new and shared last name would be My Last Name-His Last Name. Neither of us wanted to give up our last names–I mean, they’re a significant part of our identities. But we also want our family (including future kids) to all share the same last name. So this was the perfect solution for us. We view our last names as a special piece of ourselves that we are each giving to and sharing with one another when we get married.   

Post # 12
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My cousin and her husband had this problem. My cousin has a very unique first name Mikel (Meh-Kell). While she didn’t want to keep her last name, she didn’t want to take her FI’s last name either. He has this crazy long polish name that I still don’t know how to pronounce to this day. So they compromised. They took his mother’s maiden name “Love.”. I know you said your Fiance already had his mother’s last name, but I think its just something you guys are going to have to sit down and really hash out. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My rational/girl-power side says: why couldn’t he take your name? There is no reason that you should have to take his or he shouldn’t take yours. 

My emotional side says: I probably wouldn’t do this. I have a very strong personality and I am kind of sensitive to the issue of people thinking I “wear the pants” in the relationship. I know it shouldn’t matter what people think and I’m an adult and whatever…. but emotionally it bothers me if someone thinks that my Darling Husband and I don’t have an equal relationship. And because him taking my name would be outside the norm, I would worry that it would be seen like I made him do it or something. Stupid– I know. But thats how I’d feel. 

Post # 14
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it is a great idea if he is ok with it. Be aware that some states allow the man to change the name on the marriage license/same way as a woman, and some make the man go to court to legally do a name change that way. California is a state that allows the man to take the woman’s name easily.

Post # 15
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@bells: I’m with you.  I know there is nothing technically “wrong” with a guy taking his wife’s name but I know the traditional / old-fashioned side of me would find it a little strange if someone I know did this.

If your Fiance is fine with it though, there is certainly nothing wrong with him taking your name.

Post # 16
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Personally, I much prefer when a Woman takes a Man’s last name cuz I’m a little traditional/old fashioned that way. I never liked my last name so I’m really looking forward to taking my FI’s last name. I say do whatever will make you both the happiest.

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