(Closed) Thoughts on opening marriage

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

The one open relationship I’ve seen in action went down in flames. After a year of an open relationship, the guy decided he liked the side piece more and divorced his spouse. And kicked his spouse out of the house and had the side piece move in. 

Post # 3
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

NO DON’T DO IT!!! I agree with bibliophilacticbee! I’ve seen this happen as well! 

Post # 4
Member
4481 posts
Honey bee

I think “open” relationships can work for the people who are truly called to that lifestyle and enter into relationships where all parties are equally committed to it, know what they are entering into from the beginning, and truly believe in that lifestyle and I have seen it work for them.

I think more often than not, monogamous couples who try to make their relationship “open” (particularly on a trial basis) are trying to fix something broken in their relationship and are just too scared to say what they really want (up to and including breaking up) or to do the necessary work on the relationship itself.  And more often than not, that can’t be fixed by “opening up” their relationship to additional people.

Post # 5
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anonusername :  What are the reasons for opening the relationship?  Have either of you been in an open relationship before?  Are either of you poly?  I’m a monogamous hippopotamus so an open relationship would never work for me.  Whether it will work for you depends on a lot of factors but i don’t think that open relationships work for people who are monogamous.  

Post # 7
Member
710 posts
Busy bee

Whose idea was this? Yours or his? The only ones I know of ended in breakup/divorce in which the husband left the wife for the other woman and then ended up leaving that woman for yet another woman. 

Post # 8
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I know one couple that was swinging with another couple. Now the husband is having a baby with the wife from the other couple and left his wife for her. 

Post # 9
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

A couple we are friends with opened their marriage this year. Honestly, it’s weird. They now each have someone they are “dating”. I think it would be different if they were into it from the beginning, but I don’t think that’s the case in this situation. I don’t know if I see it ending well. 

Post # 10
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Are you guys bored in your relationship? Are you trying to spice things up? What do you think opening up your relationship will do to improve it? What is it going to add? A lot of people are secure in their relationships but that doesn’t mean the next logical step is testing that security.

I can’t recall an open marriage working out well with a couple that didn’t previously have an open relationship. There is so much that really isn’t known until you are in the situation and it can be very destructive to even the most solid couples. I wouldn’t recommend this step if you’re just looking to fill in the gap on something missing in the relationship 

Post # 11
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Have I been in an open relationship?  No.  Do I think they can work?  Yes.  That said, I think both parties have to be equally willing and invested.  Communication is key.  Both parties have to be honest about what they are comfortable with and willing/able to tell their partner when they are uncomfortable.  It can be very easy for jealousy and resentment to build.  Whether or not it will work also depends on the motivations for opening the relationship.  If something isn’t working in your current relationship, inviting others into it is not likely to fix it.

Post # 13
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anonusername :  So do you both have poly leanings?  And if you’re trying to spice it up do you actually mean a threesome or just sleeping with other people? If it’s the latter then I’m not sure how that would actually be spicing things up in  your marriage since you’d be having these sexual experiences separately.  It would be like if my husband wanted me to wear a sexy outfit and i agreed but only if he wasn’t home to see it.  

Post # 14
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

Not all open relationships lead to disaster. I know of 3 couples with open relationships and two of them have been together for 7-10+ years. All of them were basically open from the start, it wasn’t a temporary or trial thing. 

Post # 15
Member
2101 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

anonusername :  so like, threesomes? Or dating people on the side? I think the first can be fine (no personal experience). Everyone I know who has done the second has gotten divorced and usually someone left for one of the side pieces. 

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