(Closed) Thoughts on Prenuptial Agreements

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I have no problem with them. We don’t have one because we were both "poor" when we got married, but I know plenty of people who do. Most of them have family money, businesses they own, etc. and I don’t see anything wrong with keeping that separate. Almost all of the ones I know of have sliding scales or an out when it comes to having kids.

Post # 4
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, all I know (so far) is that I’m getting one.  Blah.

No, seriously, I don’t mind.  He comes from a family where such things are done, and I’d much rather battle the thing out beforehand than afterwards.  Plus, it gives you a lot of valuable information on your financial viability that you might not know otherwise–for people who haven’t talked about money and future plans, it could be especially important.

For me, it’s a gesture of good faith for his family. 

Post # 5
14 posts

I am totally for pre nups! I think that is very important if either of you has debt or money ….. my sister has one and a just in case you cheat clause, which outlines exactly what she will get and or lose. Also how much she will get per child in cause of divorce… it’s something you and your fi need to talk about.

Post # 6
596 posts
Busy bee

We didn’t get one but I can understand why some couples do.  I know that seems naive to some people but we’re both very confident and happy about the decision.

Post # 7
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We’re both poor going into marriage so no need for us.  I understand the need for some people, and having a plan in case of divorce is nice for some people, but I feel like if we really would end up getting divorced – which would take some major bad things happening for it come to that – I know he would support his children

Post # 8
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

we don’t have a formal prenup, but i owned our home for 8 years before he came into my life.  we have a written agreement that everything we owned before our marriage is off-limits (including my/our house).

Post # 9
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I thought I was going to need a prenup b/c my Fiance and I come from totally different backgrounds. I am now also the sole inheriter of my father’s foundation now that my brother has passed. I mentioned it to my Fiance, and he could care less. He says we’ll likely never need to deal with it, but he doesn’t care b/c it isn’t his money in the first place. And if something ever were to happen to us, well, I don’t want to be stupid about it. So I think it’s great when people protect themselves. Ther’es always a tactful way to go about it without sniding someone though. After all, both parties have to sign it!

Then I found out that inheritances aren’t something a divorcee can touch anyways. But I see their validity in family business and if one person is significantly richer than the other. I know I have friends who consider it "waiting for a divorce" but you know, when you’re talking millions of dollars, sometimes it’s better to just protect your interests, sign it, and hope that you never need it! and it isn’t an "insulting" thing I think…I mean, after all, if you don’t need it, then what’s the big deal? and if you do need it, and the divroce ends unpleasantly…I’d want to know he wasn’t coming after "my" money just to hurt me. I’m a realist.

My aunt is one of those people who believe that when she marries a guy, she’s entitled to half his money, no matter what. I don’t always believe this is the case(my aunt’s bee married like 15 times) ….although for, like, stay-at-home moms, etc, I see some validity. It’s so case-dependent. they have a place and time

Post # 10
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m a believer in them if either person has any major investments, companies, etc. Or debt. Especially if one of the people has credit card debt. As a kid, we had family friends who basically financed college on credit cards. They got married, joined their credit accounts, and tragically, she passed away from a brain tumor before she was 30. He was left with all of their credit card debt, plus medical bills. He eventually remarried, but he and his second wife spent the first three years of their marriage paying off the debt. I can’t imagine what a burden that is on a new marriage.

The lesson I took from it was: if you have anything of yours to protect, or anything of his you don’t want to be responsible for- prenup.

Post # 12
17 posts
  • Wedding: March 2010

Thanks for bringing up the topic, Kara. 

I agree that it is very important to understand the community property laws in your state – if you don’t decide (in the form of a prenuptial agreement), then the law decides for you.  If you’re comfortable with that, then you probably don’t need one.

A lot of people mentioned that they’re poor going into marriage – but you never know what’s going to happen down the road as far as asset accumulation goes.  If you plan on having children, I strongly suggest you look into it for their sake.  

Post # 13
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

…I do not see the point of prenups…but fear this turning into the "strippers thread" because I have a way of coming off strong. And some people might feel very strongly against the reasons I am against prenups.

With the exception of girls that have stated that it makes sense if one of you has long standing debt. So that in the long run the debt does not affect the other….although I’m really not sure of the logistics.

The way I/we look at it is that prenups only come into effect when you are divorced right? So the whole reasoning of a prenup is to protect yourself in case of a divorce. So…..even before your marriage starts you are already expecting the possibility -however slight– of a divorce? To me, that’s not a good way to start a marraige. That’s just me.

In closing, I tried really hard to be PC about the way I posted this so hopefully no one is offended. 

Post # 14
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

We will have one.  I have a family business, stock options etc and a large (way over millions) fund that will become mature at the age of 30 (after we are married).  Because of this we are signing one to keep all that seperate.


On the flip side me makes about 5 times more than I do in a year…so it is sort of evened out… 

Post # 15
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Completely honest- I would be really upset if I was asked to sign one.  I do feel like it’s acknowledging the potential for failure of the marriage.

It wasn’t an issue for my husband and I- we didn’t have much to start with, and we both were only marrying because we were 100% committed to being married for the rest of our lives.

So- emotionally I would be hurt if asked to sign one.

However, I can totally understand why people have them- especially people who are getting remarried and have children or other special circumstances.

Post # 16
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2007

From the pov of someone going into medicine, prenups are important more than just for protecting assets in case of divorce. In some states, like NY, any shared marital assets are up for grabs if one spouse is a physician and is sued for malpractice (which, believe me, happens frequently, esp in NYC, often without having anything to do with the physicians’ ability, but that’s another story). Pre-nups can protect such assets from being taken in such a case. I’m not sure of the details, since it’s not relevant to me (husband will also be a physician) and we’re not likely to end up practicing in a state where personal assets can be claimed in a professional lawsuit.

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