Post # 1
So I’m not really looking for adive I’m just curious as to what other people think about this situation. My Future Brother-In-Law has been dating his gf for 2 years. I know for the past year the talk about being engaged has come up quite abit. in november 2014 he told his mom he was going to propose to her in november of 2015 and ofc his mom just about told everybody. Anyways fastforward to September 2015 his gf asks me when my Fiance is proposing (bf at the time) because Future Brother-In-Law told her that he’s waiting for us to get engaged because he “doesn’t want to steal our thunder” (whatever that means since their engagement has no relation to ours); secretly I think he was just trying to buy time. Anyways my Fiance proposed in November and now I guess there an immense amount of pressure for him to pop the question but he didn’t plan/save for it at all. Anyways, her mother and brother I guess have been bothering/questioning him about his finances and he eventually had a mental breakdown to his mother about the stress. Anyways, he recently got a line of credit in which he’s chosen to pay off some credit card debt (which I think is a good idea) but now can’t afford an e-ring so he’s decided for Christmas he’s going to buy her a promise ring (he’s 30 and she’s 24 btw). I just want to know what you would think of a promise ring if you thought you were going to be proposed to soon or just promise ring in general. Would it appreciate it or would rather that money go towards the e-ring?
Post # 2
Me personally, I’d rather have the real ring. I’ve never been fond of promise rings. They just remind me of high school times far too much. I’d rather my man save up for a ring ring. It wouldn’t have to be fancy either.
Just my two.
Post # 3
I think it would feel like a blow. A nice RHR, sure, but if I was expecting a proposal I would not be a gracious promise ring recipient.
Post # 4
I would rather have the engagement ring in this situation, especially if I thought I was going to be proposed to. I have nothing against promise rings, I atually have one but in this scenario, I would certainly want the real ring and real proposal!
Post # 5
I’d rather my partner propose to me when he felt ready, not because he felt pressured to, and that he were responsible enough to save money and use it wisely.
So yeah, I’d stave off the engagement, and I’d skip the promise ring.
Post # 6
I would not be happy about receiving a promise ring. For me it’s engagement ring or bust. There are a lot of people who would be perfectly happy with one and that’s ok too but it sounds like the girlfriend is going to be heavily expecting an engagement ring so a promise ring will most likely not go over well.
Post # 7
I agree. Skip the promise ring and have him save for the engagement ring.
I also think a 30 year old should not be giving a promise ring, no matter how old his girlfriend is.
Post # 8
I think a) he’s too old for a promise ring b) he needs to work on money management before I personally would agree to marry him anyway and c) getting engaged/giving a promise ring because the family is badgering him is a terrible idea anyway. As another said, I would not take it kindly if I was expecting an engagement and got that whole mess instead. All three combined would be a huge sign to me that this man isn’t ready to be an adult, much less a husband. Obviously that’s her decision though!
Post # 9
I agree with other PPs. I see a promise ring as something you do in high school. Anytime after that (especially if the guy is 30!) is kind of like a slap in the face. Especially considering it seems obvious that he told her an engagement was going to happen soon.
What I don’t understand is, HE’S the one that told his mom he was going to propose in a year. He didn’t think that whole time that he should start saving some money?
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2016 - Garden
What in he world….
This is freaky because this happened to me the exact same way!!! My Fiance is 30 and I’m 24. And we’ve been dating for two years!!!
he told my mom in july that he was going to propose to me in nov2015. she told me literally five mins after he told her. She can’t keep secrets haha. So for 4 months I was freaking out thinking how he was going to propose. But he finally proposed around thanksgiving last month. And about the sept 2015 thing my FIs best friend got married….
The only difference is the ring I got wasn’t a promise ring.
So freaky…..do I know you???? Just asking….
Psh…there’s no way this is related to me…. But my gosh I was literally freaking out like my heart was jumping because this situation is just like mine. So freaking crazy
Post # 11
I would be heated for sure!
Post # 12
I think that if he can’t sit down with his Girlfriend and talk about the fact that he simply can’t afford to get her an engagement ring right now, that he does plan to propose at some point, and that the pressure she and her mom are putting on him is too much…then he doesn’t need to be with her at all.
To answer your question, I’ve personally never been a fan of promise rings, and I’d think that if this girl is expecting an engagement ring, then she’s going to be horribly dissappointed. He needs to have a discussion about this with her so that she doesn’t have her hopes up at Christmas.
Post # 13
IF I knew propose is on the way, giving me a promised ring will hurt my feeling….and I won’t take it.
It’s like telling me I was goign to propose to you but I can’t afford the ring…so here you go, take this one for the time being until I’m *ready*…….
Post # 14
Personally, I wouldn’t worry about what anyone else does in their relationship.
Post # 15
IF he really wants to propose buy can’t afford an expensive ring, he needs to have a talk with his Girlfriend and let her know that she can have either an engagement now or the ring she wants, but she’ll have to wait. They could get engaged now with a less expensive gemstone or diamond simulant ring if he has the money for a promise ring.
I was “waiting” at Christmas last year. If my now Fiance would have given me a promise ring I would have been really upset. You get that little box!! And it’s a ring!!! But oops, he’s not proposing, it’s just a promise ring. Whomp whomp.