(Closed) Thought's on promise rings esp in this sitution.

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

smartsimple:  So he’s giving her a promise ring in front of a group of people when she’s expecting an engagement ring? Oh no. Poor her. Poor him. I think this might actually trump the ‘surprise public proposal’ for awkwardness potential. I wasn’t sure anything could do that.

Post # 32
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

For me persoanlly, I’ve always thought promise rings was like claiming to be “a little pregnant”. Either you are or you’re not. I don’t get the in between. 

Post # 33
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope nope nope. I would be so mad if I expected a proposal and got a promise ring. If he bought a promise ring and used it as a place holder and still proposed I would be happy. But not actually getting a proposal when I thought I was getting one would crush me. I also, really don’t think I like the idea of promise rings in general. They seem silly to me. If he can’t afford it why doesn’t he just propose with that ring? It doesn’t matter… and there are some cute ones that Deff could work. 

Also, I must say that I would be even more upset that my so couldn’t manage to save up aNY money for a ring. That would not sit well with me, if he had a year to save and he just didnt think it was important, but thought he good get away with giving me something as an afterthought. 

Post # 34
Member
2460 posts
Buzzing bee

I just read your update and omg! He should NOT do this in front of anyone, unless he actually is proposing just with a more inexpensive ring.

I would literally be crushed if it is actuallt going to just be a promise ring not an intended ering and if it was in front of family, I would have to pretend to be happy with a promise ring when really I would want to cry. Poor girl, this is terrble!

Post # 35
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

Oh hell no. I was given a promise ring in sixth grade. You can get a gold band for what $30 on groupon? Start with that and go from there. Most women want the commitment of an engagement not the ‘ring’, not everyone, but most. He can reverse it and have the fancy ring be the wedding ring and say I wanted us to pick that out together down the road. 

Post # 36
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Cambridge Mill

smartsimple:  I have to agree with PP’s; promise rings were awesome…. when you were younger… too young to really think about being engaged or getting married. Once you are out of school and working I think promise rings are a little odd. It becomes more like just a gift of Jewellery at that point. If he is trying to save $$ for an engagement ring then I don’t think he should be wasting it on a promise ring as those can still cost $500 easy.

Now I have to mention that my Fiance got me a ring on our 1st year dating anniversary but it was very unique looking and we didn’t call it a promise ring. It was just a gift to celebrate a milestone.

Post # 38
Member
6816 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

smartsimple:  Oh no no no no no! He SHOULD NOT do this in front of everyone! I seriously don’t think he’s thought this through. 

Post # 39
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

I think he should just skip rings alltogether right now and be honest with her.  If they aren’t on the same page yet on finances, now would be a great time to have that talk.

They should have a nice sit down, and discuss that he really does want to get engaged and buy her a ring, but he’s drowning in credit card debt.  Ask HER whether she’s prefer a ring less proposal, or if she can wait until he gets finances sorted out.

If you’re at the point of engagement in a relationship, you really should be open about finances, and be able to have those kinds of talks.  I would want to know if the guy I was waiting on was drowning in debt!

Post # 40
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

smartsimple:  Yeah it’d almost feel like a slap in the face to me. I’d see the box and get the wrong idea especially after all of the talk- if he opened it and it wasn’t THE ring, I’d be crushed.

Post # 41
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

smartsimple:  Add me to the list of those who just don’t see promise rings as necessary. Either you are engaged, or you’re not. And as others have said, I think of them as something high school kids give each other. I think this girl will be disappointed if she gets that rather than the engagement ring. Also, people shouldn’t feel pressured to get engaged. Do it when it feels right. 

Post # 42
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I adore my promise ring. However, my husband bought it for me when we were moving in together, on his own, as a symbol of a new stage in our relationship. I wouldn’t have liked it if he had been forced or if I had expected an e-ring instead.

Post # 44
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

smartsimple:  Eek. Just read that he plans to give it to her in front of everyone?! I hope she realizes right off the bat that it isn’t an engagement ring, otherwise that could get horribly awkward / embarrassing for everyone. I hope this turns out well!

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