(Closed) Thought's on promise rings esp in this sitution.

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Oh no, sounds like he won’t be having a Merry Christmas! Eeep!

I’m not a fan of promise rings. I don’t see the point. I waited 7.5 years for my Engagement Ring and yes it drove me mad, but it happened when it happened.

I think your Future Brother-In-Law was very sensible to pay off his debt first – that’s what my Fiance did. He paid off his Credit Card and then put the ring on his CC, but he doesn’t have to pay too much interest on there because he hasn’t spent too much on it (if that makes sense)

Let us know how it turns out for them!

Post # 47
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

My thoughts on a promise ring? High school. She would be SO SO disappointed to open a ring box to find it’s only a promise ring.

Post # 48
Member
8822 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

smartsimple:  “she’s not the type that would be happy about a ringless engagement or a band (or a smaller stone for that matter).” — So then what makes him think the promise ring is going to be ok? This is so confusing. If you’re being pressured to do something, you either resist the pressure or cave and do that thing. You don’t do some stupid half-ass thing that’s only going to make the situation worse. Him giving her a “promise ring” in front of all the family is SOOO much worse than just … NOT doing that. If your fiance was close enough for his brother to tell him about buying the promise ring, I’d think they were close enough for your fiance to tell him what a horrible idea it is. But I’m also a firm believer in letting people suffer the consequences for stupid behavior, so maybe it’s better to just let this play out.

Post # 49
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

So she wants a photo of your ring to make sure hers will be bigger? Wow. Christmas morning is not going to go over well. At least you have a heads up to it. CRINGE!

Post # 51
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

A promise ring? I think I got one of those when I was like 14 from a boyfriend.

He needs to grow up and be a man. I feel really sorry for this girlfriend! I would be really devastated! 

Post # 52
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

smartsimple:  oh my god,  please do whatever it takes to stop him from doing this on Xmas in front of everyone.  That poor girl.  How embarrassing.  If he’s feeling so much pressure why doesn’t he just tell her to hold her horses another 6 months until he can save up to buy her the ring she wants?  If she’s being so picky about the ring she needs to be understanding about it taking longer.  That said this sounds like a mess of a relationship so maybe it’s best to just let it take its natural course… 😉

Post # 53
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

Please please have your camera ready… video is even better!

Post # 54
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

smartsimple:  OP, please do whatever you can to stop this from happening! This is genuinely something that could ruin their relationship. I know you said that your relationship with them is somewhat tense since you got engaged, but truly, if you care for them at all, you need to at least TRY to stop this from happening. Has NO ONE told him that this is a truly terrible idea? 

I’m just imagining her bursting into tears in front of the entire family, and dumping him on the spot. If you have any feelings of kindness towards this girl at all, please do whatever you can to spare her from this, and ruining the entire family’s Christmas.

 

Post # 55
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

smartsimple:  Nope. Bad idea. I had a promise ring, and I loved it but it was a very different situation. I was much younger and we were in a LDR. I think she would be upset and it would be super uncomfortable esp. if he gave it to her in front of everyone.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  katza.
Post # 56
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

smartsimple:  Could you maybe make a suggestion to him? He could easily purchase a silver and CZ ring for like, $100 on ebay and actually propose. He can buy the style and size he wants, and then replace it with a similar diamond ring when he can afford it. It would save him the money right now, make her happy, and avoid a big blowout fight on Christmas morning.

Post # 57
Member
6384 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

MammaPants:  +10000

Post # 58
Member
1353 posts
Bumble bee

Courtney1993:  I agree with this.

Or, for the love of God, tell this poor woman what he’s up to. 

I can already imagine it. She opens the ring box in front of everyone. She gets super emotional and happy, and screams YES! Then boyfriend says “Nope! Just a promise ring!” And everyone is like WTF is a promise ring? The whole family witnesses the excitement drain from her face and the room floods with disappointment.

Post # 59
Member
1824 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This guy is doomed.  All his options are bad.  Probably best choices would be a) talk to her and admit his financial problems or b) propose to her with a stand-in ring, and tell her he wants to take her with him to pick out the ring of her dreams, then start making payments toward the upgrade ring.  I don’t think she is going to be happy about any of these choices, but at least she won’t be traumatized on Christmas morning.

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