- 3 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
I have two friends, each of which met her husband/fiance on a dating website. Both women are religious and abide by their respective religion’s traditions. They went on websites specific to their religions, met men interested in marriage, got engaged, and now one is married and one will be getting married within a few months.
Without getting into a religious debate, I’m curious about your thoughts on this short and structured process. Since I have been with my SO for 5 years, I continue to learn new things about him every day, and can only assume this will go on the longer we are together. Given this, I cannot imagine getting engaged after just a few months. How do you know all of the essential information? How do you how the person will be in different situations? You don’t know what their reactions are like.
I guess my biggest fear is finding out some big dealbreaker way after the engagement/wedding. For example, I have a friend who has been in a relationship with a woman who is an extreme hoarder. Like house filled with boxes floor to ceiling. They’ve been together for a few years now (dating), but I believe he only found this out about her (or the extent of it) fairly recently. Obviously it is up to him whether to stay in the relationship, especially this far into it, but I think finding something like that out earlier on might have influenced whether they would have made it this far. I can come up with a bunch more examples, but extremes might include addictions (shopping, gambling, alcohol, etc.) and especially physical abuse. I’ve heard too many stories of domestic abuse, so one of my fears for these people who go from short dating to marriage are that they might get themselves into a dangerous situation and not have a way out.
I know people have stories of friends, parents, other relatives, and even themselves meeting, falling in love, and living happily ever after (my own parents and grandparents have experienced this). But I’m a realist and tend to be cynical when it comes to people. So realistically, how can you possibly know someone well enough after just a few months to make the decision to spend the rest of your life with them? (And not necessarily, but especially if in your religion/culture divorce isn’t much of an option?)
I don’t want to offend anyone, so I apologize in advance if I have. I just want to learn from other people’s perspective on this topic.
I’m posting this in waiting mostly because I think the ladies on this board experience something that comes more so after some time in a relationship. So on the one hand I think you might see where my curiosity comes from, and on the other, I think you might share some really interesting insight on waiting through different time periods.