(Closed) Thoughts on quick dating/courting to marriage relationships?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I knew after my first date with Fiance that he was someone incredibly special and I remember talking about our future together very early on in our relationship (first few months). We moved in together after about 10-12 months and since then have travelled the world together, got a joint mortgage, joint finances etc and next year we will be getting married!!! It’ll actually be our tenth year together and I’m so excited to celebrate our first decade together by saying our vows in front of all our family and friends! 

when you have your whole lives together, what’s the hurry to rush down the aisle? 

Post # 32
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Bellagio Hotel, Las Vegas

Well I met my fiancé on a dating site on Feb. 16 2014 and on May 16 2014 we got engaged. Dec. 5 2014 is our wedding date. I know it seems very odd to some people because it doesn’t seem like you can know in a short period of time if that person is the one. But for us it was right, it’s like I’ve known him for years. I can say whole heartly I am 1000% in love with this man. And that I know I’m meant to be with him. And my family and friends know I’m not someone who jumps from relationship to relationship. I was single by choice for about 2 years because I’m not some who needs to be with someone to be happy. So when I told them they were all excited because they know I don’t believe in divorce. So for me to say yes to this beautiful man means a lot. I think everyone is different. And some people just know what they want sooner then others. 

Post # 33
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
SellyJo:  I 100% agree with you. 

It took us 7 years to get engaged. We knew early on we were in this for the long haul and wanted to accomplish some other things before spending money on a wedding; we both finished our education, bought a home, got a dog, got settled in our careers, travelled, bought another home.. And then, decided to get married. The time felt right and the finances were right, people give us the ‘Its about time’ line but we don’t get it.. About time for what? We literally never considered getting married before becoming engaged last year. It just wasn’t a priority when compared to some of the other things we wanted to do. 

Post # 34
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Bellagio Hotel, Las Vegas

View original reply
FutureMRS3lastnames:  do you know khole personally? I’m guessing no, so you can’t speak on anything about her relationship. You only know what you see on tv. Relationships and marriage aren’t easy. And unfortunately, there are times where you need to let them a relationship or marriage go not because you aren’t in love with the person. But because you know that no matter how much you love them. Staying in an unhealthy relationship due to addiction isn’t right for anyone. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  AntonyaDial.
Post # 35
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My future SIL actually JUST got married to a guy she met on plenty of fish about a year ago. She had a court house wedding earlier this year (after 8 months of knowing him) and then just had another “proper” wedding at a banquet hall recently.

While I get that there’s no “one size fits all” arrangement for length of dating before marrying, her marriage raised some red flags and made her family concerned for several reasons.

1) She had to bail him out of a bad financial predicament with her own money long before they even got engaged. Which means that she had barely known the guy at the time she was giving him her money.

2) It was her first relationship. She had never really dated around or gotten to know several other guys before committing quickly to him.

3) It was an online dating scenario, and no one could understand why they were rushing to a committment or wedding. It isn’t in her personality at all to be the one to “wear the pants” in the relationship or push a guy to marry her. She doesn’t have that kind of confidence. So, people questioned what his motives were to make her jump into marriage with him so fast.

4) Her family caught her now-husband in several lies before getting married.

5) And this one may sound superficial, but it’s the truth; she herself is a very cute girl. She could easily find a guy who is her equal in looks and interests. But her husband is very short, and fat, and clearly doesn’t care much about how he looks. I get it that looks don’t always matter, so please don’t jump all over me for that. But I just can’t see where the attraction is. I can predict her potentially going in 5 years “hum, I’m not attracted to the guy anymore…I just can’t do it anymore”. Which happens ALOT in relationships.

6) this may seem silly, but the night before the wedding we found out that her husband made her stay up all night to clean up his house for the next day since they had family coming over beforehand. I get wanting a clean house and all, but really? The night before your big day youre gonna demand your wife to be act like a maid?

So basically, there was a huge question mark hovering their entire union. But we speculate that with her personality, she will probably always be happy with what he has to offer since she doesn’t really know any better.

So that sums up about how I feel that sometimes quick-to-marriage unions are often not the greatest idea for alot of couples.

Post # 36
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
AntonyaDial:  Definitely don’t know her or anything about her relationship but from what SHE has said in the press, her husband had a drug addiction, cheated on her numerous times and refused to go to marriage counseling. If she had dated him for longer than, what, 26 days before marrying him, she probably could have figured out that it wasn’t going to be a healthy situation for herself. When you date someone for 3 weeks and then commit your life to them, it’s risky. There’s A LOT that you don’t know about someone after 3 weeks, IE: if they use drugs or have mental illness or are abusive etc.

Post # 37
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
Kat_Kit2000:  some dont work. some do. my parents only knew each other for four months. she barly spoke english and had two other children. they loved each other for 25 years until he passed. how were they the greatest love story i ve ever seen or heard of.?? idk. they wornt overly religious. also my Brother-In-Law only knew his wife for 5 months and they married and seem to be rocky at times… but idk maybe they will be together for 20 something years and their daughter will think of them the same way i see my parents. my grandparents were an arranged married in brazil. lived happily ever after and had 10 kids. ? luck of the draw i guess. some people are lucky, others are not. i also know a couple who dated for 10 years and divorced a year later… some times people are unlucky. even though my parent married only after 4 months i do believe waiting is better. 

Post # 38
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Kat_Kit2000:  You’re going to find out information you wish you had known before you got married, whether you were dating for 6 months beforehand or 6 years. I would have married my husband after our first date, had the timing of our relationship been better. We dated for 4 years before we got married.

Post # 39
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I haven’t taken the time to read all of the responses so I apologize if I’m repeating previously stated thoughts already, but here’s my take on it:

I personally cannot understand the fast-moving relationships. I realize that some of them work out in the end and that they can be successful with a little luck and a lot of hard work, but to me…it’s just one big question mark. Why would you not just take the time? Why would you not want to be more sure? And this goes for everything in my life – not just relationships. If I can be more secure about something (whether this be a boyfriend, a job, or even buying a pair of pants), why wouldn’t I want to take all possible precautions? I’m not a fan of “throwing caution into the wind” and don’t understand how that ever prevails over making a “thoughtful, calculated decision”.

On the religious front, my sister was with her (now) husband for 6.5 years before marrying. They did not sleep together and they did not ever live together. And guess what? They survived every moment of it. No one exploded, no one died from waiting, and now they are in a happy, fulfilling marriage with lots of new adventures. I always use my sister as an example because now I know it can be done; religious people do not have to get married within the year.

Sorry if that sounded a bit “ranty”; I just can’t see it from other people’s perspectives when it comes to this particular issue.

Post # 40
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My husband and I met on a dating site. I am Christian so had very firm ideas on waiting until marriage to sleep with someone. However, that had nothing to do with how long I should/should not date someone, etc. He was raised Catholic but no longer practices it. His parents raised him to make his own decision about love, sex, etc instead of being influenced by religion.  We talked online for a few months and had our first date end of April 2013. In December just before Christmas we got engaged. We just got married August 9th, 2014. We know after a few months that we wanted to get engaged. We might have gotten engaged later but I was leaving on a study abroad for 6 months. That alone really tested our relationship (it was horrible not being able to see him) but we got through it. I’m not worried about finding out some deal breaker. 

I think you find out most of the deal breakers or things that would bug you in the first 3-6 months of dating. At least that was my experience. As far as I’m concerned if I found out anything by now that wouldn’t keep me from loving him or make me wish we hadn’t gotten married so soon. For me it was a matter of loving someone with my whole being and not wanted to spend a day apart longer than I had too. 

 

(Sorry for any typos, I’m on my iPhone)

Post # 41
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My husband and I are another case of knowing almost immediately that we were meant for each other. We just instinctively knew and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. We seriously talked about marriage after about 2 months, we moved in together after a year and got engaged soon after and got married a year later. All of our friends and family could see that it was the real deal so no one had any concerns. We were both in our thirties when we met and had been around the block a few times and knew exactly what we didn’t want in a relationship. Like any relationship it takes some work at times but we are so happy we found each other and we love our life together.

Post # 43
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Personally, i got engaged after 5.5 years and married 1.5 years after that.  Marriage was never a priority to me, and i really didn’t need to be married to have a fullfilled life.  Btw, our parents are still married, so i don’t have this negative view on marriage, i’ve just never had the urge growing up.  Even now being married, it really doesn’t feel thaaaat much different.   We do have a baby on the way, and i suppose he won’t be a bastard since we’re married, so that’s good…

the only quick marriages i’ve seen have been religious.  My parents dragged me to church where we were taught that pre-marital sex was a big no-no.  I’m sure believing you shouldn’t have sex before marriage makes the courting processes go by alot faster, though I am more of a ‘try before you buy’ kinda gal 😉

Post # 44
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was engaged by six months, married not long after that. 28 years later I am still learning things about my husband but the commitment to make things work is there. In a unmarried state walking away is a much easier proposition. My husband dated a girl for 5 years right before he met me. She wanted to get married, he didn’t. I had been engaged once but broke up with the guy. The guy I dated right before my husband started talking seriously about marriage and buying a ring and I couldn’t get out of that relationship fast enough. Basically when it’s right you know it, there’s no hesitation. 

And neither of us is religious.

Post # 45
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
Kat_Kit2000:  I think a lot of Bees on here tend to be young so — at a young age it generally makes sense not to rush into anything.

But when you’re older and you have more self-awareness, I think it is different. One example that comes to mind: I think Joan Rivers met her husband Edgar when she was in her 30s. They married within two weeks or so of meeting each other and were married for 20- some years. OK, that’s an extreme example. 

Then there is my sister. She was about 34 when she met her husband on a blind date. They were engaged about three months later, moved in together at four months and got married at seven months. They’ve been happily married 12 years now.

Darling Husband told me he loved me only six or so weeks after we started dating. Within a month or so after that he was telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We got married two years after meeting each other– not exactly rushing it — but my point is that we knew very early on that this was “it.” 

I know there are many more examples of couples who got married quickly and it ended up being a big train wreck.

It really just depends on the couple. 

 

The topic ‘Thoughts on quick dating/courting to marriage relationships?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors