Post # 1
Or perhaps more specifically, within weeks of each other? I know there is no formal etiquette for this (I checked) so I’m curious about the general consensus?
Back story: My FH and I decided to have a very long – nearly 2 years – engagement. His brother got engaged shortly after we did and initially was planning a shorter engagement (about 8-9 months). Their date fell through rather quickly (long story) so my future SIL decided that she would ideally like to get married 3 WEEKS before us instead (at this point we were still a year and 9 months away from our wedding so there was plenty of time). I suggested that it may be wise for us to avoid booking our dates too close to each other out of consideration for our mutual guests and the family. This caused a HUGE issue 🙁
My FH’s parents totally agreed with us but his brother and fiance were pretty mad. They ended up settling on a date 3 months before our wedding which is much more comfortable. If it were me, I probably wouldn’t want to get married within 6 months of a sibling (barring extenuating circumstances of course). What does everyone else think?
*DISCLAIMER* Please don’t get mad at me if you and your sibling got married within weeks of each other and it was wonderful! I’m not trying to me mean or judgemental 🙂
Post # 3
The only issue for my family would be the out of town guests. It would be hard for them to travel so far.
Post # 4
I know many people will say “you only get one day.” Which is true, but realistically, family weddings are exhausting. Three weeks is probably the minimum I’d want for family weddings. You will want to have the opportunity to enioy his wedding withiut thinking of all the last minute things you need to do this weekend. And the guests will get to enioy each and think of them as separate events.
And for people traveling from out of town, more time between events is usually appreciated. I think three months is a good timeframe.
Post # 5
I know siblings that did it within 2 weeks of each other. They were fine. The only issue I could see would be money or vacation time (for other family members who have to travel).
Edit: I forgot to answer, I would probably be comfortable with about a month’s difference unless there were any other circumstances (extensive travel required, $ requred), in which case maybe more like 3 months.
Post # 6
What percentage of guests overlap? What percent of those are so far out of town that they will have to fly? If thisn’t very high I think you’re fine. My sister got married after me and is getting married 6 weeks before me. BUT our overlapping guests are the local ones so I think it’s no big deal. And it’s nice to be planning at the same time.
Post # 7
Agreed – our concerns were primarily travel (we both have a lot of mutual out of town guests, not to mention my FH’s parents live in Alaska), overlapping/conflicting events (bachelor and bachelorette parties, showers, etc.) and I guess excitement levels or burnout for guests and even for the four us?
Thankfully, things have blown over but I’ve had residual guilt for causing them any stress! Well, there is also a lot of weirdness between my future SIL and I (we used to be really good friends but she got realy weird – mean, competitive, etc. when she started dating my future BIL) so I do wonder if she was doing it on purpose.. Either way, it’s going to be fine now 🙂
Post # 8
My brother and I got married a few months apart. No big deal. No issie what so ever. A few weeks would probably be a little stressful for pretty much everyone but I think 3 months is a good compromise. As for out of town guests. Some just wouldn’t be able to make it to 2 weddings whether it be a few weeks apart of 6 months or a year apart. I would not plan a wedding around this factor.
Post # 9
@JenGirl: There are probably 40 – 50 people who would have to travel to both of our weddings – a little less than half of our guest lists.
Post # 10
I think 3 weeks is too close too. 3 months is very reasonable though. I understand that it is to decrease the burden of mutual friends and family. Honestly, I would probably have to choose which sibling I liked better if it was 3 weeks apart and I lived out of state.
In my parents culture, siblings cannot get married in the same year. I am getting married in April and my little sister asked to get married in September but they said no even though they will not pay for either weddings, I am not doing anything traditional like a bride price, and they are not even coming to my wedding. I do feel bad for her because she does listen to my parents and they’ve been engaged for a lot longer than I have. But on the positive side for my little sister, my parents have also declared 2013 a bad year to get married.
Post # 11
I think 3 months is fine and your right, 3 weeks is tough to swallow unless there were extenuating circumstances.
Post # 12
@SeptemberBride2013: I would probably be annoyed if they booked it 3 weeks before ours was booked. It seems so much like trying to steal your thunder. And it makes it hard for out of town guests – stay 3 weeks or make two trips within 3 weeks. 3 months I wouldn’t mind though, or within the same year.
After I got engaged one of my sisters mentioned wanting to get married soon even though she’s only been with their bf a really short time, and I got a bit annoyed. I come “larger” family and they have never shown much interest in my life, they never congratulated me on getting amazing grades or graduating recently, and I sorted of felt like our wedding was my chance to be in the spotlight for once. Some will say that’s silly, but whatever.
However, if it did actually happen to me, I would find comfort in the fact that our weddings would probably be completely different.
Post # 13
@starsr: Thanks! I don’t think that sounds silly at all. I really believe that being a bride is a really special time and it’s perfectly normal to want to have the spotlight on you for once! I would be bummed if I were in your position too.
If it makes you feel any better, I noticed that my sisters and some of my friends started talking about wanting to get engaged shortly after we did. I think it’s just a normal reaction – you see how happy it makes your friend/sister/etc. and it gets your wheels turning a little bit 🙂 Consider it a compliment!
And lastly, you absolutely could take comfort in knowing that your wedding would be unique! I’m trying to remember the same thing 🙂
Post # 14
I ideally, 2-3 months is about the lower limit for siblings. Only because of travelling guests. Since you have a lot of travelling guests, I think you need that 3 months. I think expecting 6 months is a bit much, but it depends on your families.
The closest I’ve personally known siblings to marry is 5 months, and it wasn’t an issue at all.
Post # 15
We are in a similiar situation. My Future Sister-In-Law was engaged first and chose to have a 2 year engagement. For a couple months I pretended like we would get married after them but that idea drove me crazy and we settled on a date about 6 months before theirs.
I could never imagine 3 weeks! Holy moly! However 3 months is reasonable.
Post # 16
@ThreeMeers: “I think 3 months is fine and your right, 3 weeks is tough to swallow unless there were extenuating circumstances.“
I would never consider doing something like this to my sister, nor would she do something like this to me! It’s just rude.
@SeptemberBride2013: “Well, there is also a lot of weirdness between my future SIL and I (we used to be really good friends but she got realy weird – mean, competitive, etc. when she started dating my future BIL) so I do wonder if she was doing it on purpose.“
Without knowing her (and jumping to conclusions) I would say, by what you’ve said, she’s trying to make everything about her – which is pathetic.