(Closed) Thoughts on siblings getting married within same year?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Hostess
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think 3 months between the two weddings is comfortable. Three weeks…not so much. I don’t know the circumstances though, I wouldn’t immediately assume them putting their wedding 3 weeks before yours had anything to do with you. That could be the easiest time for her to get off work, maybe they had a really specific venue or theme that was only available during that time…who knows? I generally try to give peopel the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to. 

Post # 18
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I would also be pissed if it were just 3 weeks’ difference!  3 months is pretty reasonable.  In some ways it’s still a little shitty of them to set their date before yours (at least I wouldn’t do that to my sister if I were engaged after her).  But that is the risk you run with a long engagement.

Post # 19
Member
13 posts
Newbee

Personally, I would be upset if my sibling set their date close to ours in the same year. It takes away from each event, makes it financially hard for out of town guests who have to travel 2x, people would compare and so on and so forth. I’m sure you’re wedding will be wonderful regardless. I just feel bad- that sucks!

Post # 20
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wanted to have a joint wedding with my older sister… she did not like that idea. She wanted to get married at the same time but not the same date so she wanted to have our weddings a week apart because the majority of our family lives in another country so her thing was they would come down for the week and one weekend they would have one wedding to attend then during the week we would have family stuff to do together and touring and sight seeing for those who want to see our country and then the following weekend would be the next wedding. I didnt like that idea but it doesnt matter she isnt ready to get married yet and I’m getting married in October…. but I probably would have gone with her idea in the end (she is my older sister).

Post # 21
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I get what you’re saying. Its a lot to have two weddings so close.

My brother is getting married the end of May 2014. Fiance and I got engaged and since my brother (who is older than me) is getting married May of 2014, Fiance and I wanted to wait until after their wedding to get married and have a good amount of time between. However, we didn’t want to wait a full year (but needed to have a summer wedding because we are having a Destination Wedding and my brother and his Fiance will be in grad school). So we’re getting married in early August, so its about 2 months apart. We all agreed that this was a good amount of time to “cool down” before our wedding started.

I think 3 months is good, but 3 weeks would be stressful! And I think you both deserve, as couples, to get the spotlight on you for a while. I personally feel like its more than just one day… but maybe I’m greedy. =P

Post # 22
Member
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SeptemberBride2013:  That’s a pretty big percentage to have to travel twice so close together. Not really within your control, unless you want to change your date, so don’t stress about it. You and fiace and parents will just have to scarf energy bars or something!

Post # 23
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have 2 friends who are sisters and they got married exactly 2 months apart and I’m really good friends with both of them (I was in the bridal party for one). Not only do they have a family in common, they have a ton of friends in common!

It wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t a deal breaker for me. I attended both weddings, both bridal showers and both stagettes. Fortunately I didn’t have too far to travel, but not one of those 6 events was local for me. The kicker is that their OTHER sister got married only 9 months before! All 3 sisters within 10 months and their family somehow made it work.

And then there’s my family. My two older sisters wanted to get married in the same summer but decided the younger would wait a year so it wouldn’t be inconvenient/too much of an expense for the family.

To each her own! For some people it’s a non-issue and for others it’s a big deal. Your brother and his fiance should have been more sensitive to the fact that it bothered you (it would definitely have bothered me!)

 

Post # 24
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I began dating my fiance in 2008 and we became officially engaged in June 2012 with a wedding date of May 11, 2013. My brother met his fiance in September 2012, got engaged December 2012, and will be getting married June 22, 2013. Considering that my Fiance and I had to wait forever to get married because of financial reasons, we were pretty peeved that my brother would choose a date so close to ours when he knew our date for six months! The thing that makes it bad is that our youngest brother is graduating high school in May and will be having a party in early June. So, our large family will have to make it to 3 large events in a month and a half time frame. I honestly think it’s rude, just because we had to wait so long, he knew our date for a really long time, and he was supposed to walk our mom down the aisle, but decided to drop out. Yay drama lol

Post # 25
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I am in a similar situation except our weddings are a little less than 5 months apart and I think its uncomfortable for BOTH my Future Sister-In-Law and I. A little back story on us.. My fiance and I are 23, we started dating in April of 2007 and got engaged in September of 2011 (right after college graduation). His younger brother is 21, started dating his (now) fiance in December of 2008 and proposed in March of 2008. When his brother got engaged, we had not yet set a date but told the family we were looking at late spring/early summer 2013. His fiance immediately set a date after their engagement of June 2013 which pissed me off because that was around the time line of when we were looking at. I dealt with it though and we decided to set ours for March 2013. Since then, there date fell through and they are not getting married in August 2013 putting us 5 months apart..While we are both happy for one another, and I have gotten over my initial being pissed off over her choosing an initial date so close to us,  here is my main problem with it:

You only get ONE day. I feel like neither of us are getting “our time”. We are having to share everything. Maybe this is me being oversensitive but in the beginning when I started planning it was ok and sometimes even fun to share ideas. But ever since it has gotten closer, anytime I do/talk/post to facbeook something about our wedding.. its like she has to out-do me. The day invitations started arriving she sends out a message on facebook to family/mutual friends that her save-the-dates are on the way. I post the link to our website and SHE goes and creates one and posts it to her page. It’s like she can’t stand me getting the attention even though I personally feel like she should back off until after the wedding. I didn’t start doing stuff until the 3-4 months before and even after our wedding she will have 5 months. If you are in a situation where one will back off until the others is over, then I think it would work.. To be honest, it kind of sucks being the first wedding because you have the share the spotlight beforehand and then when your day is over, the others get the spotlight to themselves until their day. Some may say “oh well you got 6 months in the beginning being engaged without them” but its different the beginning months than the months right before the wedding.

It’s hard but honestly, what can you do? It is hard for guests overlaping as well. We had about 30% of mutual guests. Now some were close family who would be at both weddings regardless and live close enough that they can come to both. But some are having to choose. One set of grandparents (who live across country) told both couples that they could not attend because they could not afford to fly out twice within a 6 month period and it wasn’t fair to choose one wedding. Another set is choosing to come to ours but has to miss theres (which may seem unfair to them, and I understand that, but the reason they choose ours over theres is because they went to his brothers graduation but missed my fiances). Other aunts and uncles are going to ours or theirs but can’t come to both because of expenses. 

One other issue is money. Now, neither her nor I expected our in-laws to do anything but they told me from Day 1 of our engagement that they would pay for the rehearsel dinner plus help us out with other small stuff. When they offered this, they had NO idea yet that there would be 2 weddings. Now his parents are still paying for both rehearsel dinners and some other small stuff but I feel bad them having to pay for both without much time.

Post # 26
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with OP for the most part, but I think 3-6 months is a large enough gap. I’m going through something similar. FI’s sister and her fiance got engaged 5 months before us, and were going to have a 1 year engagement. When we got engaged, we settled on our date thinking it would be 11 months following FSIL’s wedding. THEN, Future Sister-In-Law changed their date to 2 WEEKS before ours for financial reasons. We were kind of like, wth? Then they changed it yet again to a month and a half before ours, which is better, but still pretty close. It’s hard on everyone because we are all in each other’s Wedding Party so we are having to shell out more money than just on our own weddings, and we have a lot of mutual BMs/GM and the same ring bearer and flower girl. Plus, the issue with Out of Town guests (which make up about 20% of our invited guests). So we’ll see how it goes! Smile Plus, I feel like sometimes we are competing to see who will have a better wedding, as bad as that sounds.

Post # 27
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Brooklyn55:  I CAN TOTALLY RELATE! Future Sister-In-Law is getting married a month and a half before we are, even though we set our date first. And I almost feel like I can’t post anything wedding related on FB because I don’t want her to try and out-do me or to steal my ideas. It’s fun to discuss your wedding planning with them, but at the same time it’s like you have to watch what you say… Not cool!

Post # 28
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MissJuicy:  Ah its harder than people think. I am almost afraid to post on here about it because I don’t want to hear “how self and ridiculous” it sounds but its hard.. Every girl wants to be a bride and “have their time to shine.” Its not as much fun having to share it! And like you, I feel like my Future Sister-In-Law and I are constantly trying to compete. Which honestly, we’ve been doing even when we were just dating. His brothers Fiance facebook chatted me the other day and was bragging about all the “cool DIY projects she is doing” (knowing very well I am NOT creative) and then started bragging about how much fun there wedding will be with the open bar (we are having limited alcohol because my family is pretty conservative plus we have some recovering alcoholics and we want to respect them, we will have alcohol but limited and wine/beer only). But I am not completely innocent… My budget is almost triple hers (they are doing theres for 5,000 and ours is costing around 15,000) so when she starts bragging I can’t help but be like “Oh yeah we are doing this” knowing she can’t afford it.

I will admit, its immature and STUPID but its hard!! I probably wouldn’t be so bad about bragging but she seems to like starting stuff.. We both act SO nice and sweet about it like “Oh that sounds awesome” but we both know whats going on. Deep down, I could care less what they are doing. Her and I have different styles and our weddings will be awesome in there own way. The real thing that bothers me is having to share this time with her and then her getting 5 months to herself AFTER our wedding. I feel like she shoudl wait til after our wedding to go around talking about it. Its different for you though because yours is a lot closer so its nots like you can keep quiet about yours until after theirs. 

Post # 29
Member
25 posts
Newbee

Personally, I think its fine. I would say that the sibling getting engaged second should take into consideration that guests may not make it esp. out of town family who just traveled BUT thats just part of their decision. As a bride I think it’s selfish to expect others to put their life on hold for me. My soon to be sister in law is pregnant. I don’t expect her to stop her life because I am having wedding stuff going on. We just get to be there for one another and enjoy it together!

Post # 30
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Bridgewater Place

I got engaged about the same time my younger sister did as well. The next summer to get married would be the same summer my sister was getting married. I decided it wouldn’t be fair to her or our family to try to get married about the same time so my Fiance and I pushed our wedding out an additional year. While it’s going to end up being a 2.5 year engagement – it actually works out better for us because we can save thousands more dollars and have more of the wedding we would like to have.

What it’s even cooler is that we are sharing a lot of the same stuff and are having fun discussing various wedding plans. Even my mom is enjoying all the projects 🙂 The only weird thing so far is that a couple of our family members suggested that we have a joint wedding…um, no.

 

Post # 31
Member
7534 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My H’s brother and his partner got married about 10 days after us at our honeymoon location. We were nothing but happy for them.

I think if it works for you do it. But if it doesn’t work for you, then you need to be the one that changes your date and not the other couple who iare happy to get married so close together.

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