Post # 47
My sister/MOH, two bridesmaids, and two cousins are all getting married within a year of my wedding! We all have very different styles and will have very different weddings, and I can totally see how someone might be upset (especially after bringing up the possible issues).
I was really lucky that everyone has been really thoughtful and awesome about our dates, and understanding if we can’t fly back to the US (we currently live abroad) and across the country to be in/ attend 2 weddings the month after our own.
It’s been pretty fun talking to my sister and BMs about wedding planning stuff, and being able to appreciate our different styles while helping each other out.
It may be too late now, but what about just going with it and seeing if you and Future Sister-In-Law can bond over wedding planning? Since there’s nothing you can do to change it, you might as well look for the silver lining!
Post # 48
Honestly, if any of my siblings called me up and said “hey I’m getting married 3 weeks before you” my response would be “Great! Where, what time exactly, and what do you need me to help with?”
I really don’t think anyone (including siblings, family, cousins, parents, or friends) gets a say in when a couple chooses to get married. It may be inconvenient for some family members if they did pick a few weeks before another family wedding, but it’s their day and they get to pick.
Post # 49
I frankly think it’s rude when one sibling decides to get married so close to another sibling’s wedding without consulting them first, but I’m biased because I’ve been on the receiving end of the situation.
My Fiance and I were engaged last February and our wedding is planned for this summer. Everyone has known this for over a year as we booked our venue around April 2012. This March while we were visiting our hometown, his sister approached us and told us she wanted to get married in Maui—and she wanted it less than 4 weeks before our wedding. At first I was excited, but then I realized that I would have had to give up a week of vacation time (our wedding is in our hometown and we currently live away so we have to book vacation to fly home. I’ve been working to build up enough vacation time), not to mention we’d have to pay for the trip to attend her wedding. We’re saving up for our own as well.
I thought it was pretty selfish of her, especially given that she had hidden her relationship from the rest of the family and we weren’t even introduced to him until last less than 4 months prior. A family friend is convinced she’s rushing it because she couldn’t bear to be the last sibling married (FI is the youngest, she is the middle child). She had claimed she didn’t believe in long engagements and didn’t understand the fuss about a traditional wedding. She acts condescending and judgmental towards the white-dress type wedding (she had a bad experience as a bridesmaid I think). Then why didn’t she just go to City Hall??
The plans for her destination wedding fell through when she realized it wasn’t going to work for a lot of people and none of her siblings were exactly thrilled about the timing of it(she hadn’t even bothered to ask her and FI’s parents at this point) and so she decided to settle on having it at home. But THEN she wanted to have it either in June (at this point it was less than 3 months away- good luck planning that one) or in the fall. The June date booked before she could decide, so she ended up booking her venue one month after ours. Now it’s kind of funny because she’ll likely end up having the type of wedding she previously expressed disdain for.
Some people don’t care whether their sibling/friend/relative gets married within such a short time before/after their own wedding and that’s fine. I certainly don’t expect that my wedding date should have been the *one and only* this year, and I don’t believe in super long buffers between wedding dates, but I certainly would have been less bothered by it if she had at least considered to ask us about it first. 3 months is fine, but 3-4 weeks is cutting it close though and is inconsiderate imo.
Post # 50
My feeling is that siblings should as a courtesy book their weddings no closer than 3 months apart. Their family will have a lot of time, stress and money tied up in each wedding and it’s not fair to expect their loved ones to do it twice in a shorter period of time. Especially if there are a lot of Out of Town friends and relatives.
In some ways a wedding is indeed only one day, however, immediate family is usually tied up not just on the wedding day but for the shower, rehearsal, most of the day before the wedding with prep if not a lot of the week before, and then recovering for a few days after. Family ends up buying shower and wedding gifts, paying for rentals or new outfits and often taking a day or two off work. The emotional and financial expense can really add up for the family of the bride or groom. I really feel that a family needs a few months in between weddings.
Post # 51
- Wedding: October 2021 - Wyckoff, NJ
@Brooklyn55: Maybe getting preggo before their wedding? J/K
I have a similar situation with a friend, but it’s really no big deal. We have very different visions and are looking forward to each others’ day. The only issue is really the heavy event schedule around the August-October time frame for our mutual friends.
Post # 51
I know this is years later, but I just now looked this up to see what others think. Here is my thoughts…although it is really late.
I’m 28 years old and only a few years ago, I was told about a superstitious belief that affected my family. Let’s flash back to June 1982, my parents were getting married. On December 31st 1982, my Uncle (mom’s older brother), got married too. Well that is just one day away from 1983, I’ve always wondered why couldn’t they wait. They all knew about the superstitious belief of marrying in the same year as your siblings. The belief, according to my mom, tells that if siblings marry in the same year as each other, one marriage will be cut short, either by divorce or death. So here is where my story really begins. As much as anyone would love to not believe in this superstition, these are the facts that really happened to my family. It was June 16th, my mother’s birthday, it was a Friday. My dad was running late for work that morning. He drove so fast that, as another car pulled out onto traffic, heading in his opposite direction and before that car could get onto their lane, my dad crashed into the driver’s side with his motorcycle. My dad flew several feet from the crash. One of my dad’s legs was amputated because he had gotten wet gangrene, a deadly condition due to the injuries sustained from the crash. The gangrene had spread throughout his body and he could not fight it anymore. My dad was only 31 years old; he died on June 20, 1989, 2 days after Father’s Day. He left behind my mom, my brother (7 yrs old), my two sisters (5 & 4 yrs old) and me (2 yrs old turning 3 that Dec. of 1989). Now my family really believes in this superstition, and it took this tragic accident for my Uncle to believe it too. Only a few years ago, my Uncle’s children (daughter and son) were both engaged. His daughter is the eldest but she got engaged months after her younger brother. To speed things up, she wed in Vegas, “months” again, after her engagement. Hmm. Well, she couldn’t marry a year after her brother because, to my belief, her father (my Uncle) wants the eldest to marry first. No surprise why his daughter had a quick wedding, her brother and his fiancé had set their date for the next year (2013) and by the way, her brother’s wedding was just so beautiful (well planned and not rushed at all). Well, this all goes to show that my family, most especially my Uncle, believes in this superstition now. You live and you learn.
Post # 52
if most of the overlapping guest list are close by (less than 1.5 hours), then I’m firmly in the ‘you get ONE day camp. Because my only concern of having two weddings so close is the travel etc on guesys who would do both Weddings.
Now, if family are all spread out (there’s 7 hours between me and my family) and the wedding would be a big travel thing/require a day’s leave from work etc, then I think a few months is courteous FOR THE GUESTS. Nothinh to do with the couple.
ps. If I worked out how to do bold on my phone, I wouldn’t have used caps 🙂
Post # 53
OK…. so we wanted to get engaged last year but my FH’s brother proposed and he asked us to wait 6 months between so that we wouldnt “steal their thunder” (this upset me slightly but I was ok with it, it just meant getting married a bit later in 2016). Just before we got engaged they set the date for July 2016 and we chose October 2016. They weren’t happy about our date because it was close to their wedding (3 1/2 month gap) and would be too much stress for them and the guests (my FH is his best man and vice versa). My partner is german and his relatives (excluding immediate family) live over there (we are based in UK). They are getting married in the UK where all the siblings/mother lives, so German guests have to pay for flights etc. but we are getting married in Germany as I also have family over there so the cost will be vice versa. I don’t think the gap is too short and the people that would have to pay for flights to the brothers wedding won’t have to pay for flights to ours. But now I feel like I am the bad guy. How close is too close? We don’t want to wait a year longer as we want to go travelling for a while the following year and I can’t get time off work between Jan – Apr. I don’t want to upset anyone but I also don’t want to put our lives on hold.
Post # 54
Old post, but I love the discussion 🙂
In my experiences, I think much of the stress or lack thereof is based on the family dynamics. How supportive are parents, how close are siblings/relatives, how involved is everyone in each others’ lives, what expectations do family members hold, etc.? All in all, how much drama has there been leading up to the engagements and wedding planning?
For us, the issue was actually with DH’s cousin. We got engaged 5 days before her. I think there was some initial tension because her now husband had obviously planned out his proposal way in advance, and we just got engaged on a convenient weekend without telling any family members ahead of time (even though the ring had been in DH’s possesion for 6+ months).
We planned a long engagement, there was over a year and a half between the cousin’s wedding and ours (theirs was prior to ours), and there was STILL family drama because of two weddings being planned at the same time. It all varies based on so many different things. Myself and the cousin were both very happy about each other’s weddings and never had an tension with each other, but DH’s family just lovedddd the opportunity to use the cousin’s wedding as ammunition about our “poor decision to get married”