Thoughts on Spanking

posted 1 year ago in Beehive
Post # 46
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I believe that spanking is lazy parenting, and research shows that not only is it an ineffective form of discipline, it is also damaging long-term.

Post # 47
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

carolinabelle :  I completely agree.  I also can’t stand the cute euphemisms people give it because I think they’re lying to themselves.   You’re either hitting your child hard enough so that they know they’re being punished and stop the undesired behavior or you’re not.  And if you’re not then it’s not “effective ” and the child keeps on doing what they’re doing so why would you in turn keep doing something that doesn’t work? Obviously,  those quick little “bops”, “pats”, or, “pops” are hard enough to hurt your child and you need to be honest with yourself.  You’re using a discipline method that’s solely created to physically HURT your child.  I’d never be ok with that as a parent and I’m really surprised that there are so many parents out there who are.

Post # 48
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely not. Never. It’s not socially acceptable for me to behave like that with other adults or for my child to behave like that, so why on earth would I do that to someone much smaller and weaker than me that I apparently love? What sort of example is that setting? I can get by in the rest of my life without resorting to violence, I certainly don’t need to hurt my child. 

Post # 49
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

nativegirl9109 :  spanking is abuse. Analysis of five decades of research with 160,000 children has incontrovertibly shown it is not effective and causes harm to the abused individual and the society they live in.

This information is very easy to find online. For example: https://news.utexas.edu/2016/04/25/risks-of-harm-from-spanking-confirmed-by-researchers

Anecdotal “evidence” of the “I was spanked and it did me good/didn’t do me any harm” is worse than worthless: it is inevitably biased and spreads dangerous ignorance.

Post # 50
Member
4532 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

nativegirl9109 :  My parents used to smack us but I can honestly say they maybe did it a handful of times and tbh I think I did deserve it. I remember once I snuck some chocolate  from thr pantry and hid the wrappers in the white couch in the fancy lounge room which attracted a mouse who had decided the chocolatey smelling couch was a great place to have 11 babies. I was 8 and I got a smack for that. The fancy couch had to get thrown out because they ate the fabric and the baby mice pee’d all over it and the stains and smell where not able to be professionally cleaned out. Oops 😞

My mum preferred psychological torture. She’d tell us off and if we did it a second time she’d make us go get the wooden spoon out of the cutlery draw and put it on the sink. If we were naughty again she’d then use it on us. Ironically we stopped whatever behaviour after getting the wooden spoon out of the draw and we never got smacked on the bum with it. My mum also gave us the look (which basically meant wait until you get home) if we did something in public or gave us the sneaky pinch. I remember as a kid thinking oh crap and then reverting to my best behaviour in hopes that my mum would forget when I got home…

I don’t think a tap on the bottom or the hand is thay harmful if its done sparingly and with minimal force. Excessive and brutal force is something entirely different. You shouldn’t be smacking your kids every week because it means your doing something wrong as a parent. I knew as a kid that my parents were the authority and that you should respect authority if they are fair and  equitable with you. A smack was the last resort in consequences for actions and if I got a smack I knew I had really done something bad and I actually never repeated the behaviour again. 

I’m not against smacking if its done in the right way. It should never be a beating or done with any real regularity. So many other options are available to you as a parent to use first. The best method is to be fair and consistent in your discipline. Kids will try you less if they know they can’t get a way with it. Kids are also quick to work out who’s the soft touch parent and if mum and dad aren’t on the same page. I’ve seen my 3 year old nephew actually work this out and manoeuvre around the easy to get around parent to get his way…

Post # 51
Member
2771 posts
Sugar bee

fromatoz : Agree.  When I interact with “bad” children, or children who think they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and however they want, and then cop an attitude when told to not behave poorly, 99% of the time it’s a learned response that adults don’t mean what they say. 

Like my SIL will put my nephew in time out (he’s 4) for all of 15 seconds and then feels bad he’s “sad,” so she lets him up. And he goes back and does the EXACT thing she put him in timeout for the first time, and she doesn’t do anything because she can’t be bothered repeating the process. 

They do the same thing with my nieces. All the time. Rinse and repeat. 

Or they’ll barter with the kids. If you do this, you can have this. Except once they receive the item or treat or whatever, they go back to do naughty things, and they get bartered with again, thus getting a second reward.

These are all learned behaviors. I don’t think spanking is necessary but I do think parenting requires looking at the big picture and not just at this moment in time.  

And knowing your child is half the battle. Like my son is 6.5 months old, total rough and tumble boy already. So when he clamps down on my nipple and I react with an “Ow!” he gets startled and doesn’t do it again. When I’ve reacted with a “No.” and flick like everyone suggests, he laughs. So I just say “Ow!” and he’s learning we don’t do that. Now, he looks up at me while he’s clamping down to see if I will react the same way. And I always do. It’s been almost two weeks now since he’s clamped down – which is great with mastitis again.

Children are so damn smart, pretty sure he’s smarter than me, just doesn’t have the means with which to show it off yet.  

 

Post # 52
Member
9213 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I was spanked and slapped a few times growing up. Would never ever consider it with my baby. Not even an option.

Post # 54
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and spanking is not a thing in our house.  Mainly because I believe (and teach them) that we do not hurt other living creatures out of anger or frustration, and spanking them would completely contradict that.  I also am big on teaching them to respect their and others bodies, which again I believe spanking contradicts.  They do have consequences when they misbehave though, not spanking does not have to equal not disciplining.  Believe me when I say, telling my 5 year old no TV for a day or cancelling a fun outing (and following through with it) works veeeerryy well.  She’s never been spanked and I consider her to be an excellent listener for her age.

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