(Closed) Thoughts on the Bachelor Party

posted 13 years ago in Parties
Post # 17
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Whenever I read these posts I picture women who are insecure and have poor self esteem and are being manipulated.  If the bachelor party bothers you, why are you so insecure that you feel you can’t object.   That doesn’t make you cool.  

And, being told that you have to trust him is very manipulative.  Why do you have to trust a guy to go out and get drunk and have naked women rub their junk on him, right before your wedding.   Isn’t this more of an issue of respect, as in does he respect you.  Isn’t it a bit embarrassing to have to say your vows when the last image of your fiance that the groomsmen have is of him ogling strippers or having them all over him.   Does this show respect towards your relationship.

And saying that you trust him but not his friends is a cop out.  I’ll bet all the SOs are saying the same thing.  Besides, isn’t it near as bad that his friends would push him to do things that disrespect you and your relationship.   That he permits them to do that says something about him, and it’s not good. 

And, saying that he is being forced to have this party because of his friends means that he not only allows his friends to disrespect you, but that he is spineless (or alternatively that his friends are making this type of party because that is what he wants–have you even considered that possibility.) 

And for the posters who say that they are uncomfortable with the bachelor party but never in a million years would their fiance change his behavior just for his friends, didn’t he just do that, ie have a bachelor party that he supposedly doesn’t want and that makes you uncomfortable, just for his friends. 

Finally, a man who supports his best friend in lying to best friend’s fiance about best friend’s bp has poor taste in friends and and a complete lack of  integrity. 

 

 

Post # 18
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I feel very, very strongly about strippers. To me, looking at another woman’s naked body, in person, and paying to do so, is flat out cheating. If he did it while we were dating, I’d be out of there. If he did it while we were engaged, I’d be out of there. If he does it while we’re married, I might very well be out of there. It’s not about “allowing” or “not allowing” or feeling insecure. It’s about what the naked body is for, and for me, it’s sacred and special, not a commodity. He’s an adult and can do what he wants, but as I’ve posted before, I’m an adult, too. If what he wants is to look at other naked women, then what I want is to not be with him. If there were strippers involved, those wedding vows would be hollow and a lie, and I wouldn’t say them.

Frankly, I’d rather not be married at all than to be married to someone who tried to ignore one of my heartfelt beliefs.

But these are my boundaries, not everyone’s. And that’s okay! 🙂 Just please be honest with yourself. You never “have” to put up with anything. If this is one of your values, then you certainly don’t have to compromise.

Post # 19
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we’re having ours together…we’re renting a very expensive house in wisconsin dells (waterpark capitol of the world!) and the Kalahari Resort. i’m not sure if there will strippers WE haven’t decided yet but whatever…we’ll all have a great time with or without them!

Post # 20
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If he’s that adament about going, then you might have a good reason to be worried. Have a convo with him to see how important it is that he goes. If he refuses to budge on it, that could be a red flag. Or it could be as simple as him not wanting to let his buddies down – which is probably the case. But either way, if it makes you uncomfortable then it’s an issue and he needs to hear you out. A strip club shouldn’t make or break his bachelor party – if it is important to you, it should be a pretty easy thing. If he’s that into the strip club thing, you may want to investigate a little further because eitehr 1) he’s letting his friends talk him into it or 2) there might be a good reason hidden under all of your worry that you don’t trust him there. I woulnd’t worry about getting on his friends’ bad side. This is a pretty common concern and the guys probable expect it. If you have any kind of concerns about it, you should tell him and hopefully he has enough respect for you to hear you out.

On a slightly different note, I personally just don’t understand strip clubs to begin with! Under any other circumstance in life if your SO was groping a naked woman, it’d be considered cheating. Why do all of the rules suddenly go out the window the second you walk through the stirp club doors? In my opinion strip clubs are simply just a publicly acceptable place to cheat. Yuck. 

Post # 21
Member
3579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My brother is going – It makes me feel so much better no one will even try to do something that would be disrespectful to me or our relationship with him there 🙂

Post # 22
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it if you trust him and are secure in your relationship with him.  Fiance will be going to a strip club too.  He has said though that doing anything isn’t worth ever losing me over and I know that he is very trustworthy.  He was engaged once before and his fiance cheated on him.  It was devastating for him.  I couldn’t ever see him doing something like that to me, especially with some stripper.  Besides, my brother will be there. 

 

 

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