(Closed) Thoughts on "the Chive"?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

MrsYokiman:  THIS. Exactly.

Mmm… now I want a Wendy’s baked potato… 

Post # 19
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I agree with the other posters. It doesn’t matter what any of us think about it, it upsets you and you have to deal with it. Figure out why it bothers you so much, then figure out a way to talk to him about it. You can’t change what he does, you can only  tell him how you feel. This conversation should definitely happen before any proposal, in my opinion. You will have to figure out if this is a deal breaker for you. Is it really that bad? What harm is coming from him looking at this site? There have been several times i’ve been mad at my Fiance, but when I really think about it, there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. I just would like him to behave differently, but I can’t change him. I have to decide over and over, is this thing i’m mad about worth a potential fight? I usually come to the answer of no, it isn’t and I figure out a way to talk to him about how I feel AND I figure out a way to come to terms with my feelings and deal with them. Just like you can’t change his behavior, he isn’t responsible for how you feel. You are responsible for your feelings and what you do with them. Just because you feel a certain way, doesn’t make it a fact. Maybe if you really get to the bottome of what bothers you about this, you can figure out a way to make it not bother you. Good Luck!

Post # 20
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

vericari:  Honestly where we live we are surrounded by hot girls ,across the street there are three 19 year old girls that walk around their front yard in short shorts and what I would consider a bra. The chick next door is a 9/10 and also is out in her yard in sexy outfits sometimes.

I don’t really have an issue with any girls personally I know my Fiance is 100% commited to me. We both watch porn so I would be a huge hypocrite if I got pissed that he was looking at women on the chive.

I have a very healthy self esteem and our relationship is very solid so him looking at girls on the internet isn’t a threat to me. He also doesn’t do it all the time and for some reason if it did bother me he would stop immediatly.

 

 

Post # 22
Member
4244 posts
Honey bee

I have never met a guy who was into the Chive who wasn’t a big douchebag. The most prominent example I can think of is a guy in a “Keep Calm and Chive On” shirt sidling up to me at a pub sand asking what colour my underwear were 

Not saying everyone who goes on there is a douche, maybe regular guys go on there too….but I’ve never met one 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  ClaudiaKishi.
Post # 23
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

LOL the Chive is still a thing? WoW I forgot that website even existed! it kind of passed thru my area like a trend a year ago maybe- there was a shirt here, maybe a bumper sticker there- and I haven’t heard anyone talk about it since.

Post # 24
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

It always makes me chuckle when someone posts a problem about their comfort zone, and otherposters come to brag about how cool they are with it without giving any applicable thoughts or advice. I don’t think anyone has a universal “comfort zone.” I mean, I would have thought that a crazy mass murderer would be completely over the line for everyone, but then Charles Manson got engaged to someone; plus, being uncomfortable with pictures which objectify scantily clad women isn’t exactly earthshakingly restrictive.

 

OP, I feel icky about the Chive too. It bothers me that they promote unhealthy body images and reduce women to the sum parts of their breasts, bum, and the gap between their thighs (essential apparently, no matter how the “model” has to contort her body to achieve the appearance of one, or how much she has to distort her naturally beautiful self with photoshop). It would be one thing if the women actually gained from this, but they don’t- except in slightly creepy attention from a slightly creepy Internet. 

Maybe if you asked him to show you the appeal… Could you then figure out a different content provider? Gawker, Upworthy, Buzzfeed? 

Post # 27
Hostess
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t mind at all. He even bought me a female Chive On shirt. I never want him to feel like I’m controlling what he does. I know he is trustworthy, faithful, and madly in-love with me, and I have zero concern with him looking at galleries on The Chive, but I know I’m in the minority on this one, and if you don’t feel comfortable with your Fiance or SO going on these types of sites, then let them know, you should never have to feel uncomfortable about what they are doing or looking at and they should never have to feel that way about you. Everyone is different 🙂 My Fiance doesn’t go on it anymore, but his favourite gallery was Cat Saturday lol. 

Post # 28
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Anybody else think Chive was a cooking website? lol. I mean, the name and all…

Anyway, I just checked it out and it looked kind of like buzzfeed, except the girl section. It wouldn’t bother me as long as our intimacy was the same as before, but it clearly bothers you. That’s an issue and don’t feel like if someone says “oh it’s just half naked girls, whatever”, that it’s a trivial issue, because if it upsets you, it’s not trivial and your boyfriend needs to respect that. If he doesn’t, you have to wonder what else he won’t compromise on, you know? With that said, is there another outlet that he can have for his umm…”naughty thoughts”? I don’t mean you, because girl, let me be honest, marriages don’t work without a little bit of fantasy. Talk to him and redirect him to that other outlet.

Post # 29
Member
444 posts
Helper bee

My guy introduced me to the chive years ago, primarily because he knew I’d like cat Saturday, haha. The threads are pretty clearly marked; do you have a problem with his visiting the site period? Or only the girl threads? I know my fiance does not frequent the site for the girls, he looks at daily randomness mostly, although I think he’s stopped going there period since most of the content he liked came from reddit anyway.

As for where they find all those girls…well, you underestimate how many insecure women are out there desperately seeking any kind of validation they can find.

Post # 30
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

babeba:  You hit the nail on the head. When I said before I’m more comfortable with porn, it’s because with porn he can go search for whatever kind of thing floats his boat and for the most part what he is seeing is paid actors or models. The chive is a community that is telling its audience how a woman’s body should look, there’s no diversity in body type, age or even much in race. The girls submitting are young girls looking for validation by lowest means possible. It’s also being marketed as something to follow regularly, without the stigma actual porn has. Which means daily viewing of women’s bodies in a degrading way as a normal routine. It just skeeves me out.

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