(Closed) Thoughts on "the Chive"?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

I find the idea that we shouldn’t call attractive women attractive so fucking outrageous. It’s not shaming anyone to call someone attractive. One person being attractive doesn’t negate the attractiveness of others.

And yes, I’m telling you that pushing your booty out and standing with your feet slightly apart will give virtually anyone a thigh gap IN A POSED PHOTO. I’m fat, I have thunder thighs and regularly rip holes in pants because of my chub rub. But even I can give the appearance of thigh gap by standing apart and pushing my butt out and taking a picture from the right angle. 

There’s more shaming and hurtfulness by acting like it’s somehow hurting women everywhere to call women posted on the chive attractive, or to call them “slutty” for…what? Having big boobs in a bikini? Taking pictures of a thigh gap? Being attractive?

Post # 64
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

It’s not about “not calling someone attractive” it’s about not reducing women to body parts in mainstream media and dictating what those body parts should look like. Like I said before if you want to look at some sexy thighs you can go search online and find skinny thighs or thick thighs, you want boobs you can go find small ones, big ones whatever. Attractiveness is relative, to the viewer. Not everyone finds a thigh gap attractive, not everyone is into big boobs. Also the obsession over thigh gaps were created by websites like this, I’ve never met a man in real life that cared about a thigh gap, most of them I know are totally confused why anyone would even care. But if the chive lets it’s young impressionable male audience believe that’s what all other males want, of course they will start talking about thigh gaps. Honestly I don’t think as a society we need yet another thing for our young women to worry about their bodies, and this is a website that just promotes that. 

Post # 65
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

vericari:  haha I meant swap it on his phone, so he only looks at the funny stuff because he wouldn’t look at the half naked men. 

It was really more of a joke. 🙂

Post # 67
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

AwkwardCoconut:  thats how I understood it too 🙂 

The Chive is like the modern day version of the old excuse ” oh honey, I just read Playboy magazine for the articles”. 

My Fiance used to look at the Chive a lot and we both had shirts… I couldn’t pin point why at the time, but it started bothering me and I stopped looking at the sure myself. My Fiance just naturally stopped looking at it on his own eventually but I think looking back what bothered me was that he was constantly looking at younger women ( I’m almost 31 now) and made me feel inadequate for some odd self estem reason. I say odd because im sure if I took 100 shots in different angles I’m sure I could produce pictures which could be posted on the Chive but for some reason it still bothered me  im glad he stopped looking at it on his own. Perhaps your Fiance will get bored of it as well?

Post # 68
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

mexicalijennie:  I agree with equating it to playboy. If that’s something that’s okay for you (not meaning you directly), fine. If not, which is okay as well, that’s a conversation that needs to be had with your partner. 

I don’t see the need to put down, young, attractive, healthy females in the process. Now if theCHIVE was posting girls that looked like they had an eating disorder, I could see an issue. 

 

Post # 70
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

mexicalijennie:  one more thing, you reminded me, Darling Husband and I are separated a lot because of our work schedules. Sometimes months at a time. I look on the theCHIVE for ideas of different poses for pictures to send him. That’s one way we stay sexually connected. He will watch porn when away from me and it doesn’t bother me at all. But 99% of the time, I will ask what he watched or looked at he will say my pictures or videos. Which I know is true because we are very open about porn.   

OP, have you thought about maybe sending your Fiance some pictures? you could say something cute like “making our own gallery”. I bet his interest drops off in the app after that. 

Post # 71
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

vericari:  I read the article. So theCHIVE posted pictures they found without a frame of reference. Once she told them, they took it doWn. This isn’t the same as posting gallery after gallery of women with eating disorders. 

sounds like they did the right thing when they found out. 

Post # 72
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

AwkwardCoconut:  who’s putting down young attractive healthy females? And again attraction is subjective, and I assume you are using the term healthy to mean slim? We dont know anything about their health.

Post # 73
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

peegee:  in the original post they were called slutty. 

Healthy as in, having a thigh gap doesn’t mean you have  an eating disorder. Many healthy women (including myself) have natural thigh gap. 

Post # 76
Member
10 posts
Newbee

vericari:  I didn’t read all the repies, so I migh be repeating what someone else might have said before me.

I think that it’s usless to debate if that’s porn or not, because what matters is that it bothers you. This is why I think it’s no use to have a debate with your guy about wether this is porn or not. I would suggest you to talk to him exclusively about how it makes you feel. I think it’s essential that he realises how this is making you feel and that he understands your emotions. He’s probbably a sensitive Christian man, so I think that from this understanding he might realise that he doesn’t want this site because he loves you and cares about how you’re feeling.

I think that what makes this conflict ongoing is the conflict of 2 values He wants to keep a sense of freedom and that he’s not being tolk what he can and cannot look at. You want to have a sense of unity and fidelity. Both are okay, but I think that this really matters to you a whole lot, sice it’s been eating you from the inside. So when you’re talking this one through, I think it’s important for him to be reasured, that his general sense of freedom will not be affected, but in order to have a happy woman and a sense of unity, he’s got to give up watching a site (which has little to do with personal freedom IMO).

Fidelity is a very wide concept. Some people watch porn, some don’t, some don’t even have friends of the opposite sex. It doesn’t really matter if other people call you posesive or approve of your ideas, it’s about what works for you and your partner to keep both happy.

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