(Closed) Thoughts on this?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

She can either go and ignore his immature friends or just relax and enjoy the weekend by herself. There really aren’t other options unless she is going to leave him over this….which I assume she isn’t.

His friends are being stupid. I would go if I were her and make friends with the wives.

Post # 4
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

He shouldn’t be friends with anyone that is unkind to her.If she wasn’t invited, he should have declined the invite.I wouldn’t be in a relationship with a man that didn’t care about my feelings.

Post # 5
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think that the boyfriend needs to have a chat with his “crew” (Ugh, at 35?!) and tell them that they need to start showing his fiancee the respect she deserves and he expects. My boyfriend wouldn’t stand for his friends, or anyone else, disrespecting me in this way, nor would he go off on a trip that should have included me but where I was rudely snubbed instead. This whole situation makes it sound like this is a rather immature group of friends.

Post # 6
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would be incredibly upset if my FI’s friends were being that rude to me and Fiance wasn’t saying anything to them about it. I agree that she should go and make friends with some of the other wives and girlfriends. She will never be ‘part of the crew’ if she just aviods them all the time. Both her and her Fiance need to make it very clear that she is not going anywhere.

Post # 7
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@givemecouture:  You can’t get to know people, unless you get to know them…Staying away from this get together is like throwing a golden opportunity in the trash…it’s an opportunity to get to know the people who are a HUGE part of her SO’s life…and honestly, they’ve known him longer, that doesn’t mean he loves them better…if it were me I would pack my party hat and attend this event with a good attitude and confidence.

Of course she’s not part of the group, she’s the new girl….you have to start somewhere and if you can’t run with your SO’s friends, the relationship is going to trip on that hurdle over and over again.

She’s going to have a great time, hear all kinds of funny stories about him, learn inside jokes, make some history with these people on her own and begin establishing herself not as the New Girl…but as HIS Girl….and the sooner she can do that, the sooner they’ll get used to the idea.

Post # 8
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@givemecouture:  I would say she should go. They seem like they haven’t accepted her yet but honestly 1.5 years is not a long time and I doubt she has seen them as much as she has seen him in that amount of time. She should try and get to know some of them better and this may be a great chance.

Post # 9
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kellmerr:  I agree with this.

His so-called friends are behaving like immature assholes for treating the woman he loves like this.  Why would he even want to remain friends with people like that? 

If I were her I’d be upset if he chose them over me, because essentially that’s what the “friends” are forcing him to do.  If he goes he’s making the wrong choice. 

She shouldn’t go because she isn’t invited, and she would only be setting herself up to be treated rudely.  I would never  allow any of my friends to treat my husband badly, if they did they would no longer be my friends.  What a messed up situation!

Post # 11
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok… lets see.

Couples Weekend… and Boyfriend or Best Friend got an invite that didn’t mention her ?

And yet they are Engaged and a Social Unit…

I’d have the Boyfriend or Best Friend call up to double-check this Invite to him… I assume it came via Email… so it is possible that with this more “casual way of communications” that there was an oversight in details, and that it was “intended” for both of them.

Now if she doesn’t want to go that is another issue.

Same with if he does want to go without her all the same…

There is a lot of “stuff” going on in this Relationship IMO you aren’t necessarily privy to IMO

Hope this helps,

EDIT TO ADD – and oh ya, I thought of something else here that might explain a bit on the situation… you said he is 35, and she was “the new girl”… and yet they’ve been together for over a year. 

Curious… was his “old girl” his wife?  Because when it comes to “married couples” and their friends, there can certainly be some “feelings” that surface when a Divorcee brings someone new into the mix of a long established friendship… more so if the “new girl” is the one he left his Wife for… or the Divorce was dirty etc. 

So infact at this point in time he may be more of a friend with “the guys” than he is with their wives.  That would certainly explain some of what is going on here.

 

Post # 12
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

She should go just to prove to them she is making the effort to know them . But he should definitely be saying something to his friends because they are being asshole without a cause. 

: )

Post # 13
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The guy is a jackass if he continues to be friends with people who are cruel to his fiancee.  Period.

Post # 14
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@givemecouture:  Oh.my.god….there are adult women on this earth that still act like this….?  Well, THAT is a horse of a different color, and if it were me I would have to think LONG and HARD about attending a weekend where I was essentially going to be in the snake-pit the entire time…if she goes, there is only one way to handle women like this….you have to out bitch them….if she’s got it in her to put these snarky, cosmo sucking vampires in their place, it’s a satisfying moment to knock a group of harpies on their heels…if not, don’t…no one should be subjected to that unless they actually enjoy the sport of bitch hunting….Personally I have gotten more than my share of trophies from these dangerous and unpleasant beasts…but it’s not for the faint of heart and certainly inappropriate for a woman with such a tender soul…her SO should know better, shame on him….

 

Post # 15
Member
9887 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@givemecouture:  I agree that he needs to talk to them and tell them to grow up and get over it.  He should be mad as hell!  How would he like it if her  friends did that to him?  What would he expect her to do in the same situation?

I’m sorry, I’m firm on this one.  If he goes without her, he’s being a jerk. 

Neither of them should go.  He should get in their faces and tell them to accept his fiancee or lose him as a friend.  I would expect my husband to do that, and he would.  My husband would never allow anyone, even his best friend, to treat me badly. 

Post # 16
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If it was me, my Fiance would HAVE to say something to them…it’s disrespectful if he doesn’t stick up for her. I also wouldn’t go on the trip…screw that, I’ll spend my weekend with actual friends!

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