Post # 1
So, I want some unbiased opinions on who is in the wrong here because Darling Husband claims he explained the situation to “several people” and they all think I’m wrong, and being terrible and unreasonable.
Here’s what happened: Darling Husband gets a call on Sunday while we’re in the car and I’m driving. I can’t hear the content of the conversation, just that he agrees to do something for someone. I ask him who it was and what the call was about. It’s one of his friends asking us to watch his dog while he’s gone for the weekend, and Darling Husband instantly agreed to this without discussing it with me. He just says he couldn’t say no because this friend had watched our dogs while we were gone on our honeymoon for a week back in January. That part is true–he did watch our dogs for a week although we paid him to do it. I would never have him do it again either because he locked our dogs in his basement the entire time and only let them out a couple of times a day to go to the bathroom and then complained about how they were hyper and chewed up a mop (well, yea, I’d be restless too if I were locked in a basement with no interaction). The “reason” why they were locked in the basement is because his girlfriend is allergic, yet now they apparently went out and bought a dog of their own.
Anyways, regardless of whether or not we owe him for watching our dogs what I was upset about and explained to Darling Husband was that he said “yes” to watching this dog without even asking me. This is mostly an issue for me because I knew that Saturday Darling Husband has a fishing trip planned out of town, which means he’ll be gone from 4am until probably around 8-9pm. In other words, he said yes to watching this dog fully intending to shove it off on me without my permission. The other issue I have is that 1) I didn’t even know these people had a dog…I don’t know if it’s a puppy or an adult, how well it’s house trained, I’ve never met it and have no information about it whatsover besides it supposedly being “small” 2) I already have two dogs to take care one of which is a puppy 3) It’s Easter weekend, and my mom is coming to visit and she is extremely high strung and will probably be all worked up about this dog being there, thus passing stress of onto me.
So basically this has made me super pissed at Darling Husband for signing me up for something without my permission. I honestly don’t even know what I would’ve said if I were asked since I never had the opportunity to even consider it. Now, I know I’ll begrudgingly get stuck with this dog and probably will be pissed off about it all weekend because I don’t have the option to say “no” and Darling Husband won’t call the friend back and say we can’t watch the dog. Darling Husband thinks my reaction and being angry is completely unreasonable, I think he was incredibly inconsiderate.
As far as alternatives, to watching this dog, I don’t really have any. Darling Husband refuses to cancel his trip, and can’t take the dog with him. I’d be more than happy to pay for this dog to be boarded for the weekend just to not have to deal with it, but all of the places around us require that the dogs register and get temperment tested before boarding, so that’s out.
Anyways, long story short…am I unreasonable, or would this situation bother you?
Post # 2
Did your husband apologize for not discussing it with you first? Hopefully he did because that will show that he knows how important it is to discuss things like that with eachother first. He may not have realized it until you said something. I wouldn’t be too happy if my husband agreed to something like that without running it past me first. Also, you shouldn’t have to pay for the boarding! They could deal with that. Can he go back and say I’m sorry I thought we could, but it turns out we aren’t able to? Or can you do at least one day just to help them out?
Post # 3
lula0508 : He should have asked you, yes. That part I agree with.
However; this guy did watch your dog for you, for a week. Maybe it’s just more common in my friend/family circle, but we regularly dogsit for others as they do for us. Your declaration that you’re already going to be pissy all weekend is dramatic. I mean really, pissy over playing with another puppy?! I think you’re over reacting on that front. I’d just use this as an opportunity to tell Darling Husband that going forward, you’d like to discuss before agreeing to dogsitting but since you already said yes for this weekend, you’ll chalk it up to a miscommunication and deal with the dog for a couple of days.
ETA: fighting over “who is right” is incredibly immature. What does it prove or what do you gain by “AHA! Internet strangers think I’m more right!”? You both feel slighted, so why not just remove this hyper aggression to prove ones rightness and sit down and discuss how you’ll handle situations like this moving forward?
Post # 4
You’re not being unreasonable at all. SO always checks with me before he answers these requests. Because he knows it will be affecting MY weekend as well, and it will be in MY personal space, not just his – since we live together.
If he ever did what your husband did – 1) agreeing without checking with me AND while 2) knowing he’s going to be gone a full day out of the weekend, I would honestly just refuse. Sorry, I didn’t say yes. So you either call your friend back and cancel or you take the dog with you on your trip since YOU said YOU would watch it. I would just simply refuse. You are not in any way in the wrong here.
Post # 5
lula0508 : ‘Now, I know I’ll begrudgingly get stuck with this dog and probably will be pissed off about it all weekend because I don’t have the option to say “no” and Darling Husband won’t call the friend back and say we can’t watch the dog. Darling Husband thinks my reaction and being angry is completely unreasonable, I think he was incredibly inconsiderate.’
While it would have been courteous for your husband to have asked you I don’t think it would have been appropriate to say no since he watched your dogs for a week recently. Maybe it’s just me but if he watched your two dogs for a week, saying ‘I don’t want to’ isn’t a good enough excuse when he asks you to watch his for a weekend.
Neither of you sound great here, but you’re more in the wrong.
Post # 6
Other PP seem to just be glossing over the fact that this “friend” locked both of OP’s dogs in the basement and didn’t interact with them at all for the entire week. I was be furious if someone took my dog into their house and I trusted them to watch and care for them normally, and instead they were locked away in a basement, in a strange place, with no human companionship, for an entire week.
You also seem to be forgetting that they paid for this outrageous “favor,” thus not owing anything in return. In our friend group, we watch each others dogs for free. So yeah, it is tit for tat because you’re returning favors. Getting paid takes it out of favor territory, as the owner could just as easily hire a neighbor to check in on the dog(s) or board them.
Post # 7
fromatoz : I think I’m just already feeling pissed just thinking about it because with our two dogs I’m really at my limit. It doesn’t help that we have a lot of other things going on in our house that makes me feel super stressed about this–we’ve got baby chicks (we raise backyard chickens for eggs) currently living in our house until they’re big enough to go outside and I don’t know how this dog is going to do with them, our one pup is just over 6 months old and is in a really hard to handle adolescent type phase, and on top of it I’m pregnant with my first baby so I’m just feeling super stressed out and hyper emotional and I keep thinking damn Darling Husband can’t you just HELP me out for once instead of piling more work on top of me
Normally I don’t mind dogsitting at all when it’s for dogs that have already been introduced to mine and I’m familiar with them and their energy level
Post # 8
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. For all you know, their dog may hate other dogs, rip up carpets, be completely un-housetrained.
It’s also a little low of your husband is complaining about you to “several people”. Of course they are going to side with him if he’s complaining “She won’t even look after a dog for a few hours! It’s no big deal, she’ll already be looking after two!”
Does he realise your anger isn’t about the dog, but about the lack of consideration and communication?
Post # 9
I would call them myself and tell them that Darling Husband made a mistake, he has a fishing trip this weekend and can’t watch the dog.
It’s not acceptable for him to say yes to something like this without consulting you and then bail. He can either cancel the fishing trip or he can cancel watching the dog.
Post # 10
Yeah, you’re not in the wrong here. I mean, we weren’t there, so maybe you were rude making your points or something but from the information given, he’s definitely wrong here.
You’re a team and he signed you up for more work and stress without asking you and seemingly without considering your feelings on the matter. How hard is a “let me get back to you in five” and then asking you what you think?
I think he’d be wrong even if you weren’t pregnant and expecting houseguests, and already overbooked in the animal department.
Post # 11
duchessgummybunns : That’s exactly what I mentioned to DH! I was like sooo even if we pay this person for watching the dogs we still owe him a favor on top of that? The only reason why we didn’t board our dogs at a facility is because one of them has anxiety with being left at boarding places (because of the strangers & dogs she doesn’t know). We figured she’d do better with a person she knew, but it really didn’t work out that way.
Post # 12
hikingbride : I wish I could call, but I really don’t know the guy at all. He’s just an acquantence to me, and I don’t have his phone number or anything. Darling Husband used to work with him, and they hang out on a rare occassion (haven’t hung out in months, and he usually only calls when he needs something) and I almost never see him
Post # 13
Yep I’d be very pissed.
If he wanted to watch the dog, fine. But passing it off onto you without even asking, AND on a holiday weekend is a bitch move.
Post # 14
He should have checked. I would be pissed if someone locked my cat in let alone a dog! That said, I would want to know how Darling Husband is explaining it to others…is he leaving out part of it? You should have him check on them then and you do nothing since he didn’t ask.
That said, the allergy part is still possible certain breeds are better than others. What breed did they get? That will tell you.
Either way he should have asked ahead and I think both of you should tell the others why you’re upset. I would say I didn’t like that my dogs were locked up, that bothers me still and I think it was disrespectful.
Post # 15
Westwood : if he agreed to watch the sog, then HE has to watch it – he can either cancel his trip and watch the dog, or call his friend and tell him that he’s unable to because he’s going to be gone for the weekend, simple as that. and if your Darling Husband refuses to do either, then tell him that you’ve now come up with saturday plans and will be gone all day as well, and unavailable. if your Darling Husband can plan all day trips, so can you. call your grifirends, mom, etc to schedule a girls day, or else just go to the spa by yourself.