Thoughts on who is in the wrong on this situation…

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Did your husband apologize for not discussing it with you first?  Hopefully he did because that will show that he knows how important it is to discuss things like that with eachother first.  He may not have realized it until you said something.  I wouldn’t be too happy if my husband agreed to something like that without running it past me first.  Also, you shouldn’t have to pay for the boarding!  They could deal with that.   Can he go back and say I’m sorry I thought we could, but it turns out we aren’t able to?  Or can you do at least one day just to help them out?

Post # 3
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee

lula0508 :  He should have asked you, yes. That part I agree with.

However; this guy did watch your dog for you, for a week. Maybe it’s just more common in my friend/family circle, but we regularly dogsit for others as they do for us. Your declaration that you’re already going to be pissy all weekend is dramatic. I mean really, pissy over playing with another puppy?! I think you’re over reacting on that front. I’d just use this as an opportunity to tell Darling Husband that going forward, you’d like to discuss before agreeing to dogsitting but since you already said yes for this weekend, you’ll chalk it up to a miscommunication and deal with the dog for a couple of days.

ETA: fighting over “who is right” is incredibly immature. What does it prove or what do you gain by “AHA! Internet strangers think I’m more right!”? You both feel slighted, so why not just remove this hyper aggression to prove ones rightness and sit down and discuss how you’ll handle situations like this moving forward?

Post # 4
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

You’re not being unreasonable at all. SO always checks with me before he answers these requests. Because he knows it will be affecting MY weekend as well, and it will be in MY personal space, not just his – since we live together.

If he ever did what your husband did – 1) agreeing without checking with me AND while 2) knowing he’s going to be gone a full day out of the weekend, I would honestly just refuse. Sorry, I didn’t say yes. So you either call your friend back and cancel or you take the dog with you on your trip since YOU said YOU would watch it. I would just simply refuse. You are not in any way in the wrong here. 

Post # 5
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

lula0508 :  ‘Now, I know I’ll begrudgingly get stuck with this dog and probably will be pissed off about it all weekend because I don’t have the option to say “no” and Darling Husband won’t call the friend back and say we can’t watch the dog. Darling Husband thinks my reaction and being angry is completely unreasonable, I think he was incredibly inconsiderate.’

While it would have been courteous for your husband to have asked you I don’t think it would have been appropriate to say no since he watched your dogs for a week recently. Maybe it’s just me but if he watched your two dogs for a week, saying ‘I don’t want to’ isn’t a good enough excuse when he asks you to watch his for a weekend.

Neither of you sound great here, but you’re more in the wrong. 

Post # 6
Member
2509 posts
Sugar bee

Other PP seem to just be glossing over the fact that this “friend” locked both of OP’s dogs in the basement and didn’t interact with them at all for the entire week. I was be furious if someone took my dog into their house and I trusted them to watch and care for them normally, and instead they were locked away in a basement, in a strange place, with no human companionship, for an entire week.

You also seem to be forgetting that they paid for this outrageous “favor,” thus not owing anything in return. In our friend group, we watch each others dogs for free. So yeah, it is tit for tat because you’re returning favors. Getting paid takes it out of favor territory, as the owner could just as easily hire a neighbor to check in on the dog(s) or board them. 

Post # 8
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. For all you know, their dog may hate other dogs, rip up carpets, be completely un-housetrained.

It’s also a little low of your husband is complaining about you to “several people”. Of course they are going to side with him if he’s complaining “She won’t even look after a dog for a few hours! It’s no big deal, she’ll already be looking after two!”

Does he realise your anger isn’t about the dog, but about the lack of consideration and communication?

 

Post # 9
Member
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would call them myself and tell them that Darling Husband made a mistake, he has a fishing trip this weekend and can’t watch the dog. 

It’s not acceptable for him to say yes to something like this without consulting you and then bail. He can either cancel the fishing trip or he can cancel watching the dog.

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Yeah, you’re not in the wrong here.  I mean, we weren’t there, so maybe you were rude making your points or something but from the information given, he’s definitely wrong here. 

You’re a team and he signed you up for more work and stress without asking you and seemingly without considering your feelings on the matter. How hard is a “let me get back to you in five” and then asking you what you think?

I think he’d be wrong even if you weren’t pregnant and expecting houseguests, and already overbooked in the animal department.

Post # 13
Member
9390 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yep I’d be very pissed.

If he wanted to watch the dog, fine. But passing it off onto you without even asking, AND on a holiday weekend is a bitch move.

Post # 14
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee

He should have checked. I would be pissed if someone locked my cat in let alone a dog! That said, I would want to know how Darling Husband is explaining it to others…is he leaving out part of it? You should have him check on them then and you do nothing since he didn’t ask.

That said, the allergy part is still possible certain breeds are better than others. What breed did they get? That will tell you. 

Either way he should have asked ahead and I think both of you should tell the others why you’re upset. I would say I didn’t like that my dogs were locked up, that bothers me still and I think it was disrespectful. 

Post # 15
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Westwood :  if he agreed to watch the sog, then HE has to watch it – he can either cancel his trip and watch the dog, or call his friend and tell him that he’s unable to because he’s going to be gone for the weekend, simple as that. and if your Darling Husband refuses to do either, then tell him that you’ve now come up with saturday plans and will be gone all day as well, and unavailable. if your Darling Husband can plan all day trips, so can you. call your grifirends, mom, etc to schedule a girls day, or else just go to the spa by yourself.

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