Thoughts on who is in the wrong on this situation…

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I definitely think he should have checked with you. Just because this guy watched your dogs once (and was paid to do it!) does not automatically obligate you to drop everything and watch their dog the first time they ask you. The fact that it’s Easter and you have family visiting is a perfectly reasonable excuse for not taking this on.

But aside from all that, even if you had nothing at all going on, your husband still should have consulted you knowing that the burden would have fallen on you! It’s extremely inconsiderate that he didn’t check with you. Still, I could have probably gotten over it if he was remorseful and agreed after I talked to him that he should have consulted with me first, and promised never to do something like that again. But that is not even close to what happened.

What troubles me most about your post is that even now that you have explained to him why it was inconsiderate, he’s still refusing to see your point of view, and even worse, is telling other people about this and getting them to take his side! This is immature and competely disrespectful. I’d be enraged.

Post # 17
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Nope. This would not fly with me, and I would tell him I accept 0 responsibility for the dog since I was not consulted about watching it, and that he had to cancel his trip or tell his friend he couldn’t do it. Whatever fallout occurs as a result of that is on him because he didn’t ask if I was okay using my time and energy to watch the dog, nor did he take into consideration the fact that you have two other dogs, chickens, and a baby on the way already occupying your time, plus your mother visiting! This would be a hard no, non-negotiable for me.

Post # 18
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

lula0508 :  I agree completely with duchessgummybunns :  your hubby was out of line and I would tell him to either cancel with his friend or take the dog with him on his trip. You need to have a conversation about this and make sure he understands that he can’t agree to things like dogsitting (especially if it’ll be your sole responsibility) without having a conversation with you first. 

Post # 20
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

lula0508 :  Your Darling Husband needs to discuss with you anything that involves you.   Taking care of a dog, alone, is a big responsibility, even more so with all the other things on your plate right now.  

 

Post # 21
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

lula0508 :  ahhh your update has me seeing red! THIS DOG IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. It is no one’s responsibility but the owner. If I were you I’d remove your inconsiderate, selfish husband from the equation since he is being utterly unhelpful and can think of no one but himself here.

I would call up the friend directly and explain that you won’t be able to watch the dog due to your mother being in town and your husband being away, and leave it at that.

Post # 22
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m with you. The appropriate response from your husband would have been that he would check with you as he already knows that he has plans that will keep him away all day Sunday. Regarding some PPs responses that he watched your dog so you need to watch yours, I do have a few things to say:

1) he had a chance to say no (or at least explain the situation…that his girlfriend is allergic and he could watch them but only separated in the basement)

2) You PAID him! It doesn’t sound like he offered to do the same.

3) You do have legitimate concerns about why this is not a good time – visitors, your husband’s absence, your own pets, the fact that this dog is unfamiliar to you.

I think he needs to call his friend back and tell him that he discussed it with you and you have plans so are unable to watch the dog. Let his friend figure out an alternative. 

Post # 23
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i think that this is completely unacceptable. if he agreed to watch the dog, then he has to cancel his plans. otherwise, he has to call the friend and say that he made a mistake and has plans this weekend. ridiculous. 

Post # 24
Member
3556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

lula0508 :  well, then clearly you two just have relationship issues that go far beyond this. his “stubborness” and “calling your bluff” is not acceptable. i would literally stick the dog in his car with him before he leaves for the trip and drive away myself (actually, i wouldn’t be in a relationship with a man who is treating me in this way, but ya know)

Post # 25
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee

You are right, he is wrong. For all the reasons noted by PPs. I would be furious as well.

Post # 26
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You are right, he is wrong.

But you are BOTH being incredibly immature. Why are you fighting over who is right? This is ridiculous because it’s beside the point, and not something I believe married partners should be wasting their time doing. You shouldn’t be adding drama by lying about things and having him call your bluff. 

He absolutely should have talked to you before making a decision that affects both of you. That is what you two need to be discussing, because it affects your relationship going forward. Other than that, this is pretty insignificant. It’s one weekend. And yes he was wrong and it sucks he put you in this situation. And I absolutely agree he should cancel his trip. But you could be handling this so much better. You are choosing to get all worked up and let this ruin your week. You are choosing to think that this dog will be awful and ruin your life. I don’t understand why your mom will be stressed about the dog, and I don’t understand why you will be pissed about the dog.

It is too late to cancel on this guy because of your personal relationship relationship drama. Have your husband call and get more info on the dog – age, potty trained, crate trained, etc. That way you can be a little more prepared. But seriously, don’t let a stupid fight and a dog ruin your Easter weekend. If you spend the next few days pissed off, that’s on you. Try to choose happiness instead of setting yourself up to be angry.

Post # 27
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you think that part of this is because you’re pissed at the friend for being a shitty dog-watcher for you guys?

Normally, my husband and I do volunteer eachother for favors that we know the other one wouldn’t mind doing. things like: “sure mom, I am sure my husband could stop by sometime this weekend and help you move a heavy dresser.” “sure, best friend, we can babysit for you next weekend for a couple hours”. 

If I was pissed at someone (the friend) I would be like heck no, I am not watching your dog for free after I paid you to watch mine and you shoved him in a basement. 

Is that really the root of the issue? If you already have a dog and puppy, it seems like 1 extra puppy isn’t the end of the world (provided he’s housetrained/okay with other dogs/ etc).

Post # 29
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee

After your update, I’m mostly concerned that your husband would rather steamroll you than make any attempt at validating your feelings. You don’t seem to be holding him to any type of standard, and instead are writing this off as him being “stubborn.”

Neither SO nor I are very stubborn, in general. However, in your shoes, I would 100% put my foot down – that dog does not come into our home this weekend. And then – that dog would not be coming into our home that weekend. Period.

At the VERY least, SO would need to demonstrate empathy to me, validate my feelings, apologize for having been so inconsiderate, and then I might allow the dog to come for the weekend. 

But I definitely would not be bending to allow the dog to come over WHILE my husband was being actively inconsiderate and invalidating towards me. AND COMPLAINING ABOUT ME AND VILLAINIZING ME TO HIS FRIENDS.

It has nothing to do with stubborness and everything to do with the deeper boundaries and standards our relationship operates on. 

Post # 30
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah so I have this friend  who we paid to look after our dogs while we were on our honeymoon. Even though he did a shitty job, locking our poor dogs in a basement all week and giving them bare minimal care, I still feel like I owe him one. So when he called to ask us to watch his dog, I didn’t want to say no even though I have a fishing trip I’m not willing to cancel, so I volunteered my wife’s services without asking her. Now she’s mad because we have family visiting over the Easter weekend and between this, puppy training our youngest pet, and being pregnant she’s already feeling stressed and I’m not willing to help her out with the favour I volunteered her for. I didn’t think to get any details from this guy so I don’t even know if it’s a pup or a grown dog, if it’s trained, if it’s friendly toward strange people and animals or if it’s had it’s proper shots

Tell your husband if he’s going to bitch to people about how unreasonable his wife’s being, to at least give a true picture of what’s going on.

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