Post # 1
While on vacation this weekend my boyfriend told me how he had always told himself he wouldn’t propose to a girl before they’d been together five years! We’re both 21 and have been together for a year and half, and while I wasn’t expecting a proposal any time soon, I wasn’t thinking I would have to wait another 3 1/2 years either.
For him I can wait as long as it takes, but honestly I’m not very patient in general. Part of me feels like it takes some pressure off, but the other part is frustrated I have to wait so long, when it’s something we both seem to want.
Oy vey.I just needed to get it off my chest, but I guess I just have to wait 🙂
Post # 3
Oh no! I know exactly how you feel! My SO told me we need to wait another 2 years (we’ve been together 2.5 years and are older) and I’ve been wrestling with it ever since. If he doesn’t have a real reason for waiting except the number of years, maybe he will change his mind. Did you ask why 3.5 years? Since my SO told me, I have been thinking really hard about what I want for me and why. I have basically come to the conclusion that he is worth waiting for. Emotionally, I knew that but I am working on being okay with the decision to wait for him intellectually. It’s so hard! Hopefully you can come to the same conclusion too and work on the patience thing. I have ZERO patience so no advice on that front… =)
Post # 4
That’s so strange. Five years?!?! Do you think he’s trying to stay single through his college years so he’s not “tied down”? To me that sounds a little odd. Granted I’m 28 so it’s probably different, but if a guy told me we couldn’t marry for five more years I’d tell him to take a hike! 😮 hehehehe
Post # 5
I have a friend who used to say he wanted to know the girl for at least 5 years before he’d propose… & have a 2 year long engagement. Sooooo then he met his (now) wife & they knew each other for like 2 years & married the next year. So just to give you hope ;).
My advice is just to enjoy where you are now. Stressing about the future will just cause havoc & uncertainty. I’m glad you guys are talking about your future together thou :).
Post # 6
I used to tell my Fiance we wouldn’t get engaged for 10 years. lol. Maybe he’ll be ready before then. He wouldn’t want to let a girl as awesome as you get away!
Post # 7
But… what do you want? Do you feel that you need to know someone for half a decade before being able to decide that you’d want to marry them? If his concrete ideas about engagement don’t line up with your own life plans, you deserve to have your own thoughts and wishes brought into the equation. Obviously if you are a member of WB, you’re looking forward to marriage. Is he?
Post # 8
Hopefully he will re-think and shorten that estimate! When I first asked my boyfriend he said we should get engaged in 3 years (this was after our 3 year anniversary and 1 year living together!). So we talked it out and we agreed that sometime in the next 2 years would be good and I think it will be this summer (which would make it 1 year after our talk). I also want a longer engagement (1.5-2 years) so I think he took that into consideration as well, he was worried he would have to pay for a ring and then an expensive wedding that same year.
Post # 9
My boy told me that his plan was always to graduate and then pay off his student loans and THEN save for a ring. I mean, sure, it’s practical, but he has a hell of a lot of loans! Then we bought a house, so most of his money is going to the mortgage and not the loans. I am never gonna see that ring… 😛
Post # 10
I have friends who are like, “well i want to be with a guy for 5 years before we get engaged” so it doesn’t seem that weird! However, things could change a lot between right now at 21 years old and 26 years old. I wouldn’t read too much into it yet. Is there more going on, like paying off school first or anything? I know my guy was definitely NOT ready to propose until he hid mid-20’s.
Post # 11
yeah, i would definately recommend talking to him to see WHY he would want to wait that long. maybe he has some preconcieved notions about marriage?
i know my bf thought engagements were like, 5 months, so that’s why he didn’t want to propose for awhile, but then i filled him in on the fact that i’m not having a 5 month engagement cause i’d go insane, and then we compromised 😛
Post # 12
He might be trying to throw you off too…maybe he’s trying to gauge your reaction to what he said so that you will be surprised if he does it sooner? I would just talk to him about it and ask why he’s setting a time limit. Not even a limit…just that he wouldn’t consider proposing to a girl until he was together with her at least 5 years. Just let him know when you think you might be ready (and who knows…it might be at least another 2 years for you), and just hope he’s willing to go below the 5 year mark :o)
Post # 13
Are you guys both finished with school? I’m not sure where you are exactly in life, but you might also find that he feels differently in a year or so with a little more time together. You might not have to wait for five years exactly. He could be trying to throw you off, but he might also just not quite be ready to get married, even if he does want to marry you.
The Mr. and I weren’t ready right out of college (even though he is two years older than me) so we planned a lot of fun trips and such in between. Making those plans together helped me feel like we were still planning our life together, but it was also a way of taking our time and not rushing things.
Post # 14
I think that the legnth of a relationship is much more important to boys. My fiance waited until we were together longer than any other relationship he ever had.. and was a little sheepish about setting the date. But he had been burned before, so I guess I could understand why.
Post # 15
Thanks for all the input!
I know a big part of the reason is that his parents divorced, and his dad is now on his third marriage. He definitely does not want to “jump into anything.” Also, part of it is being done with school, and being more financially independent, since we are both students now (he graduates in December, I will hopefully graduate a year after him). And I definitely think it is important for us to grow up a little before we make that commitment, which is why I wasnt going to expect a proposal anytime soon.
I also feel that if things naturally progressed and it took us 5 years to get engaged that would be one thing, but for him to have put such a conrete number on it seems… silly? I think that is what bugged me the most about it, was that he already had a pre-conceived notion about a certain amount of time, that he wasnt taking into account our individual relationship. I am not mad at him for this idea, just a little taken aback, and confused by it.
Post # 16
GatorKate, I think that’s just something people do irrationally. We like to put final dates/numbers on things. We women do it with children…i frequently say, “oh i’ll be ready to have kids when i’m 26/27”. Do i know that’s true? NO! I realize it COULD be 30. But 26/27 makes sense to me. It’s possible 5 years makes sense to your boyfriend. Men are confusing, although we’re guilty of the same things!