Post # 1
I was recently told by my Future Father-In-Law that I have to have all three of his daughters in my bridal party, if not I will “start a war”.My Future Mother-In-Law is insisting and now my FH is angry because I don’t agree. His sisters and I are not close and they are boring. I dont know what to do about all of this
Post # 2
Oof, not being close is one thing, but maaaaybe put the “they’re boring” rational on the backburner. How many bridesmaids do you want? How old are they compared to you?
Post # 3
Your bridal party should be the people who are closest to you and who you’re going to count on to support you. You don’t need to put all three of your future sisters in law in your bridal party, but if you choose to only put one and not the others, that could cause trouble in any family. All or none, and it sounds like you want none, so stand your ground. Nobody has any say over your bridesmaids, just like nobody has any say over his groomsmen. If the sisters have to be in the wedding so desperately, he can put them on his side.
Post # 4
I’m not sure why your FH is upset that you don’t want to include his three sisters. I think you should talk to your FH more about this. I think he’s being unreasonable like his parents. It would be different if you are insisting that your brothers are Groomsmen, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Hopefully, he will see your side and put his parents in their place. “Start a war” – your Future Father-In-Law seems unreasonable, IMO.
Post # 5
I don’t believe you should have to include your FSIL’s if that’s not what you want to do. FIL’s I have seen get upset about these things, but I think it’s pretty ridiculous for you Fiance to get upset because you want people you are close with in your bridal party.
Unless you actually told your Fiance that one of the reasons you don’t want his sisters in your Bridal Party is because they’re “boring.” That’s pretty insensitive and rude to say that and I can see why he’d be upset with you for that.
Post # 6
Ok…let’s start with your Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law. They don’t have a say in who is in your wedding party. Your Fiance needs to handle them and tell them that’s none of their business.
Have you considered a compromise? The sisters could do readings or hand out programs…something that includes them without being bridesmaids.
But…stop calling them boring. It makes you look reallllly bad. Instead, say something like you’re only asking your closest friends/family/whatever. But don’t forget that they are his sisters and you’ll be in each other lives for many years (you’ll be each others aunts to kids, holiday, etc). So think about the big picture.
Post # 7
I’m planning on having both of my SO’s sisters as bridesmaids, but I’m also pretty close with one of them, and the other I get along with but just don’t see as much – but her husband will be a Groomsmen and her son and daughter will be in the wedding too, so obviously I will include her, and will be glad to do so. I’m just making sure my girls will be standing closer to me. BUT, if you aren’t close with them, I don’t blame you for not wanting them, especially if there are 3 that would have to be included. I do agree with PP that you could find another way to include them in the wedding.
Post # 8
I agree calling them boring was juvenile and it could stay out of the argument. The oldest is 10 years older and the youngest is 2 years older. It would be different if we were close but we just arent. We all live in 4 different states and I was only planning on having a small bridal party of 3. I am also concerned my Future Mother-In-Law will be more concerned about her daughters in the wedding than the ceremony itself. I do my part to keep his mother happy on a daily basis (we are the only ones who live close by) and she openly admits with no shame that she is bias and her kids are always right and they always come first…and my FH almost never tells her no.
I have read alot about a unity ceremony, maybe something done at the reception that can include all of our siblings?
Either way I look like a selfish brat in their eyes…even my FH says Im being selfish. I thought planning our wedding would be fun
Post # 9
Your wedding, your bridesmaids, your choice.
Also, who’s paying for the wedding? What makes your parents-in-law think they can dictate your wedding?
Also I find it interesting that the pressure is coming from the parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if the sisters themselves couldn’t care. With 3 of them, presumably at least one has or will marry so they can be bridesmaids then.
“my FH almost never tells her no” – aha! That is the *real* problem. Your fiance. He needs to stand up to them, or they will meddle in everything about your wedding – and later, your marriage.
Post # 10
That just seems so ridiculous to tell a bride who she can have in her wedding party. Regardless if you are close or not, I’m assuming these aren’t people you’ve known your entire life, or grew up with/went to school with etc. The people you usually think of having in your wedding. If it was 1 okay. 3 is asking a lot IMO.
That being said my SO only has a brother, but I fully intend on asking his SIL to be in my wedding. But we’re starting to get pretty close, especially since she helped me get a job when we moved to town.
Post # 11
If you are only planning on having 3 bridesmaids, I would pull the “small wedding party” card and just stick to your 3 close friends. No need to include FSILs if you aren’t close with them! I get along fine with my (now) SILs, they’re very nice – but we aren’t “close” per se, so they weren’t bridesmaids. It was no problem, no one was offended.
Post # 12
First post from a long time lurker 🙂 I agree that maybe a compromise could be reached so that your FSILs can play a role at the wedding without being on the bridal party. I dont think its unreasonable for you to explain to your Father-In-Law that you will be having a small bridal party only.
I wonder if your FSILs have any opinion on this? Given you are not close surely they wouldnt care too much if they are not bridesmaids?
Post # 13
if Fiance and FMIL/FFIL want their daughters in the wedding, there’s nothing to stop your Fiance from having them stand on HIS side. They’re his sisters, and he can have them as grooms women. You shouldn’t be forced to choose them over your friends.
Post # 14
tell your fiance he can pick your bridal party and you can pick his groomsmen… then proceed to pick you creepy uncle, wierdest cousin and that not right kid you have known from nursery and when he objects point out how rediculous it all is
Post # 15
It never ceases to surprise me how some people can so wholeheartedly believe that they are entitled to dictate the terms of someone else’s wedding. Unfortunately people like this usually can’t be reasoned with. I think the person you really need to get on board is your Fiance. Afterall, marriage is about being a team and when there are disputes with the in-laws, you really need your partner on your side. Do you think he actually believes you’re being unreasonable, or does he just want to keep the peace? I think you need to keep the focus on the fact that you want to have your close friends with you. You can even offer the FSILs another job in the wedding as PP said, but no matter what you have to stand your ground. If you give into them, you’re risking setting a precedent that you can be manipulated by your in-laws.
This situation really sucks. I hope you can sort it out. Please let us know how it goes.