Post # 1
I hope I don’t end up ranting too much or coming off as unreasonable but I’m really baffled by this.
My cousin is married to a girl who was engaged to our other cousin but has a son with that cousins friend.
Super complicated, right? It’s even more complicated than it sounds. Family drama is so lovely.
Anyway they got married a little over a year ago. They originally got “married” in an unofficial ceremony on the beach in Hawaii. Then they came back home got all of the official paper work, got married in the courthouse and had a backyard bbq reception type get together about 6 months later. At this bbq we did all the traditional reception stuff. Dinner, dancing, they received lots of gifts, garter toss, bouquet toss, etc.
My fiance and I went out of our way an got them a really nice gift and have tried very hard to make then feel good because no one in my family is particularly happy about her being around.
hey move in with my aunt and uncle (cousin’s parents) and have been living there since.
Not too long after they have a little girl who is now about 3 months old.
Well about two months ago I got a facebook event invitation from my cousins wife that says Save the Date! Inside the invitation is all the details about there upcoming “real” wedding April but no actual date is provided. She states they initially planned on June but she didn’t want to step on any toes since other people HAD to get married in June as well(speaking of a female cousin who has been engaged for three years)
Well this week I get the “official” wedding invite and the date is on my sisters 35 birthday which is also the day my mother and I(without knowing the date for this wedding) planned a surprise party for our immediate family and some of my sisters friends.
I immediately call my mother who responds with, “Well we never knew the date for this, we went to her first two weddings, we’ve already bought and given her bridal shower/wedding gifts and she didn’t even invite your sister anyway so I don’t particularly feel obligated to go. “
So before I can fill out the RSVP I happened to get on facebook and see that I have a message from her stating she forgot to place the websites for their gift registries in my invitation and I literally just flipped my lid. Apparently I’m supposed to buy another gift despite the fact I’ve already purchased two different gifts for the other weddings. To top it off, not one thing on the registry is reasonable. The cheapest thing was a $110 crockpot(I’m wondering what happened to the $80 I bought for her a year ago is)
I’m all for a man and woman having the wedding of their dreams but I feel like this girl has completely spit on about every form of wedding etiquette possible not to mention the fact that she has already has two children take care of and they live with my aunt and uncle but insist on throwing another wedding.
I’m just so aggitated I can’t think straight.
Post # 3
I think you have every right to be. I understand that you do a Destination Wedding and then a reception or “second” ceremony at home, but what is the point of the THIRD wedding? Without any family drama included, this is a little strange. I would also be upset and frustrated having to buy yet another gift for a couple you have already done the whole thing with!
I personally think it is reasonable to say that you have prior committments for that weekend and will not be able to attend. I also don’t know if I would send a gift, since you already bought them a wedding gift for their last one.
Post # 4
I would feel the same way! I wouldnt bother going or buy another gift! I bet alot of other family and friends are probably feeling the same way.
Post # 5
You’re right. This is ridiculous.
Post # 6
This can’t be real! That is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t go and wouldn’t get a gift. I’d also have a very hard time not being snarky about the whole thing and RSVP No saying something like “Didn’t you already have a wedding?”
Post # 7
I BARELY understand people who have a destination wedding and then a second reception at home, so this to me is beyond unreasonable to me.
If I were you I might even contact her about the crock pot, and let her know if she gets the replacement, the one you bought her is still better than what you have (even if it’s not) and you’d love to have it back, even second hand. Or, call all bewildered, and let her know you’re appalled that it broke, and it’s probably still under warranty since it’s less than a year old!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Oh my word, this sounds quite excessive! I agree with your mom – you’re already commited to something else, and you’ve already celebrated their marriage with them twice. That is more then enough. And I wouldn’t give another gift, especially since they’re registering for replacement items they already received. Poor taste, IMO.
Post # 9
So basically I’m wiping my hands of this whole thing. After her initial message telling me she forgot to send their registry information I decided to take some time to cool off and then reply to her.
I basically said, “While I greatly appreciate the invitation I regret that we(fiance and I) must decline. I’m sorry we will not be able to attend but am thankful we have been able to celebrate your union in the past. Along with this message you will be receiving the official RSVP in the mail in order to keep track of your guests.”
I felt that was the most appropriate and courteous way to decline without starting some family catastrophe.
But she insisted on replying to the message asking why we weren’t attending. I ignored it because I really didn’t want to get into the whole “You’ve had two weddings that I’ve already been to and I consider my sisters surprise birthday party more important.”
However she called an hour ago and unfortunately it became an argument. I wish I could say it was entirely my fault but I’m just as much to blame in this case. I wish I could explain it but this girl sets me off at every turn(I’m not usually a hot headed person) and I basically ended up voicing every opinion I’ve ever had about her, they way she has treated my family, the way she has jumped from man to man, and not to mention insisting upon a third wedding despite the fact she doesn’t work and lives with her husband and two children in her in-laws small home.
During the whole thing I kept thinking “I really want that crockpot I gave her” but I couldn’t even bring it up despite the whole argument. lol
But I learned an important lesson today. I do have a breaking point and apparently I’m not always the bigger person.
All I can say is I hope I didn’t cause some horrible family drama that splits everyone in half.
As of now my mother, father, sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew, brother, sister-in-law, three nephews, two cousins and their partners as well as my fiance and myself have declined. So I guess I can hope for the best because only time will tell.
Post # 10
She is being silly. Don’t go. When all she gets are 2 accepted invites back maybe she will realize she is coming off as greedy and self-indulgent.
I would understand if she had a dream wedding and wants a renewal with all the trimmings or separate locale weddings (like im from asia and fi is canadian so there is going to be a wedding in each country) but she seems to be milking the same people for money and gifts.
You could always ‘gift’ her advice-get a place of her own, focus on her kids not herself (or her weddings) and realize people are not impressed.
Post # 11
just noticed you did air it all out. Good for you. Maybe, just maybe, she will take time to reflect on priorities and her conduct now.
😛 too bad abt the crockpot – totally should have asked for it back. Haha!