(Closed) Three weddings- not a single thank-you note!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Hostess
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It really frustrates me to hear this. I don’t understand the feelings of entitlement that make a person think that saying Thank You is no longer required. I would rather recieve a card really late versus never at all.

For me I have made it a point for all three of my bridal showers to send the Thank You cards out immediately, within the following week. I have evern been told by several of the ladies that attended that they appreciated recieving such a prompt card.

 

Post # 33
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ticatica:  Seriously. Its like… you had time to go the bank and cash the check… but not write one sentence on a thank you card?   They cashed the check like 4 days after the wedding. But now its been 4 months. No card.  I don’t regret being generous, but its just not a nice feeling.

Post # 34
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is a GIGANTIC pet peeve of mine!

My shower is this Sunday….and I will have EVERY thank you card sent out by Monday or Tuesday! It’s the least someone can do to show appreciation that people took time out of their day and money out of their wallets!

Post # 35
Member
772 posts
Busy bee

We went to one…and spent a significant amount of $$$ on waterford crystal stemware for FI’s best friend and NO THANK YOU NOTE. I was peeved. How rude…what is wrong with people?

Post # 36
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t understand this at all.  It’s not like you have to write a book to thank someone.

Dear Aunt Betty,

  Thank you so much for the lovely crockpot.  Fritz absolutely loves making meatballs in it.  We can’t wait to make our first batch of chili. 

  It was great seeing you at the wedding.  Hopefully we will catch up soon.

Love,

Andie and J.

It takes 2 minutes.  Add another minute to do the envelope and bamm-o everyone’s happy.

I do take solace in the fact that these people will be recieving no further gifts from me, and probably less from others as well. 

If I don’t receive a note, I typically follow up to ensure my gift made it.  I try to slip it in, incognito.  But once I find out they got it, I let it go.  But it does permanently change my opinion of them.

Post # 37
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Meh, I don’t really care. I assume people are greatful for my gift, whether they follow a social convention or not. I never got a thank you note from my friend’s baby shower, but that’s ok. She told me to my face how much she liked the gift, and in my book, that’s worth more than “Dear ___, I’m so happy you came to my ____! Thank you so much for ___!”.

Isn’t it also bad ettiquette to give a gift with the expectation to receive something in return?

Post # 38
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@AprilJo2011:  No! It’s what people with good manners do to show gratitude. I think assuming I must know they’re grateful is arrogant. If someone does something nice for me, I say thanks, even if it’s just passing me the milk when i’m making coffee. I don’t say nothing and assume they know I’m well mannered really!

Post # 39
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@andielovesj:  Why aren’t more people called Fritz?!!

Post # 40
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ticatica:  

 

I kind of agree with this. I send thank you notes for everything, but I don’t expect one from anyone. I have spoken to  a few married couples after our wedding who straight up asked if I was sending them. I said yes. They said WOW we only sent them to people we knew would get their panties in a bunch about it. Like grandmas, aunts, etc etc. They didn’t send them out friend groups. One married couple did, and one upcoming couple said she didn’t understand the idea behind thank you’s and said she won’t be doing them. I think we as a society are losing touch with it and younger generations aren’t being taught to do this. My mom made me do it for EVEYRTHING i ever got, including Christmas. So naturally, I just do it. But like I said, I am not mad in the least if the etiquette is returned or not. 

Post # 41
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@TheJeanses2012:  I think even just for the sake of ‘we received it with no problems’, the card should go out. Some people can’t really afford to gift but do…it’s just the kind thing to do to recognise the sentiment and the effort. Perhaps you’re more laid back about it than me though!

Post # 42
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee

  “Isn’t it also bad etiquette to give a gift with the expectation to receive something in return?”

This rant is not directed at @AprilJo2011 but this sentiment really bothes me.

No one ever gives takes time from their day, drives to the store, looks for the registry, or picks out a gift, pays their hard earned money so that one day in the future they may (since so many brides are sucking at this lately) get a 99 cent card in the mail.  No one!

People give gifts because they want to, or because they feel they have to for some reason. 

It is not wrong to expect politeness out of your loved ones.  Or to feel hurt if they do not acknowledge the nice thing that you did for them.  It doesn’t make me entitled, or any other negative word.  If someone burped in my face am I entitled, old fashioned, etc, to expect that they would say excuse me? I don’t think it does. 

 

Post # 43
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Rivendeler yes this 🙂

I would just say thank you either by phone or in person but it’s also something we don’t do or think of doing.

Post # 44
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

uggh..where have manners gone. I didn’t get a card for the last wedding gift I sent but I did get a thank you email. I didn’t get a peronal thank you or a card from another friend of mine, even a year after her wedding. Finally one day I asked her if she ever got my gift and she said yes and thank you….about a week later I got a thiank you card from her.

You know, for me it’s not so much just needing to feel gratitude, but just knowing they at least received my gift and acknowledged they knew it came from me. 

Post # 45
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’ve been to a few weddings where we didn’t receive a thank-you.  For one, I could NOT find the registry (all I found were amazon wish lists and I’m not going to buy a video game for a wedding) so I got them a nice, handmade serving bowl.  No thank you.

I was brought up that you ALWAYS send thank you notes for gifts.  It takes no time to get them written and is something you can do while enjoying your favorite TV shows.  It isn’t a huge effort, and is way easier than, say, planning a wedding.

Post # 46
Member
2503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Now that you mention it, I don’t think I’ve gotten a thank you for any wedding we’ve attended in the past decade, and this is from brides from all cultures and price points. I don’t think we got even an knowledgement that they received it or opened it! Regardless, I will be sending these out for my wedding.

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