(Closed) Three Weeks to Go – Should I un-bridesmaid/uninvite someone? (VERY LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would not un-BM her or uninvite her unless 1. You are ok with losing her as a friend and 2. Pay her back for any purchases she has made (dress/shoes/accessories)

Post # 5
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, I need some more information about this situation….

How did your conversation end when she was telling you she was having relationship problems?  Did you express to her that you wanted her to be more supportive to you? If she had to get a new dress, did you offer to pay for it and pay for the alterations?  Have you made any effort to be a good friend to her outside of your wedding?  

Post # 6
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable with your feeligns. BUT I think you should talk to her again. Tell her that you asked her to be part of your wedding because you wanted her there and lately she doesn’t seem happy about any of it. Make sure you sympathize with her and let her know that you understand she’s unhappy with relationship issues, but that you’d really appreciate it if she could put on a happy face for you.

If you ask her to step down, judging by her already immature nature, she won’t be your friend anymore. If you’re okay with that, then pay her back for the dress (and anything else she paid for) and move on with wedding plans.

Post # 9
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ebotlsrm:  Oh wow. Well then I would definitely talk to her, nicely give her an ultimatum. She can put her big-girl panties on or just attend as a guest.

Post # 10
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@ebotlsrm:  So, I think what you need to do is just have a frank, honest, open conversation with you.  You’re a grown woman about to be married so I’m sure you can have a mature conversation with this girl.  Tell her how much you really want and value her support.  Don’t make flat out accusations, as that will only put her on the defense. Just tell her you’re really confused because you thought she wanted to be a bridesmaid to support your wedding, etc.  

Post # 11
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ok, so you paid for her dress and alterations, offered to pay for a new dress, allowed her to push her way into being a bridesmaid, gave her dad some good business with the rings, and included her in a fun girl’s day…. So what in the world is her problem? I would talk to her again & explain your feelings to her.

Post # 13
Member
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@ebotlsrm:  You’ve gone above and beyond, I wouldn’t wait any more. Your wedding should be a fun day and it sucks that she’s ruining it. If you’re lucky, maybe she won’t attend. But if she does, she’ll only make herself look stupid by sobbing.

Post # 14
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

@ebotlsrm:  Call her and just talk to her about it.  Honestly, it doesn’t seem like you’ve done that yet which should be the first step….

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee

@ebotlsrm:  hi, i read your story and my friend and I decided it would be a good idea to share my story… just a few weeks ago i went through a similar situation only I was on the recieving end.

Sorry, this might be long but story goes, my friend, who we’ll call Jenny, was the bride and her and myself went way back.. we were very close from when we were kids… when they decided to get married, about a year before her wedding we were all estatic for her and were all super supportive (there was 5 bridesmaids in total) now in that first year any time Jenny wanted me or any of the other girls to do anything for her we would do it happily and without question. We even went so far as to allowing her to order our dresses too tight so we’d all lose weight and fit into the styles she had picked for us and the wedding dress she picked. at first we took it with a grain of salt and just went with it but she started acting strange and started making all of 2011 about her and the wedding maybe partly because she got pregnant and by the time she walked down the aisle she was 4 months… all of us being childhood friends just went with it and allowed her, her time. at the time i was dating someone (long term relationship) she didnt like and didnt care to get to know so she didnt invite him and told me she had already picked my date (the guy i was going to walk into the church with), i bit my tongue as did 2 of the other girls. about 3 weeks before her bachlorette, i casually asked the Maid/Matron of Honor (her sister-whom i do not get along with but kept my issues to myself till now) what was happening with regards to the bachlorette… (this is where sh!t hit the fan) she told me that there was in fact going to be one, but that i and another bridesmaid werent needed. I got really upset and wanted to know what the hell was happening. I at first assumed that the Maid/Matron of Honor was just being a b!tch because she didnt like me and i wasnt going to let her ruin it for Jenny… until i found out Jenny ACTUALLY didnt want us in the wedding anymore. she sat me down a few days later and gave me some really stupid reasons as to why she kicked us out namely; our dresses werent going to look good after we didnt lose enough weight, we didnt go ABOVE and BEYOND for her (we did everything she wanted, we are not freakin mind readers and didnt want to overstep), she wanted a more personal gift because we are supposed to be closer/ we had gotten her something off her registry. and all the while, her sister was poisoning Jenny’s mind because she didnt like myself and the other bridesmaid that was kicked out. Her wedding was last weekend and we didnt go. we went from being bridesmaids to not going. needless to say, i feel used and our relationship is finished. I have called her since the wedding to say congratulations and to recover the cost of my dress but she has yet to answer me. As much as it hurt, a bride who kicks someone out of their bridal party is making a CONCIOUS decision to remove them from their group and more importantly from their life. its damaging and theres really no going back so i would just caution against doing something like that. Me and the other bridesmaid were really good to Jenny and that happened to us… if this girl is being awful to you i cant really judge but maybe you should consider this before doing anything you’ll regret.

Post # 16
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry your having trouble OP but to “uninvite” or “kick out” a bridesmaid THREE weeks before the wedding would be a huge friendship ending move.  @hesthereimhere:  hit the nail on the head.  Pick up the phone and arrange to meet this girl for lunch.  A long term friendship deserves that much even if you decide you no longer want to be friends with this girl.  Maybe there is a lot more going on in her life than she originally let on and she really needs you to be there for her.

Good luck!

The topic ‘Three Weeks to Go – Should I un-bridesmaid/uninvite someone? (VERY LONG)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors