Threesomes. Again.

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
  • poll: What should I do about my threesome dream
    Forget about it if he isn't into it : (113 votes)
    94 %
    Gently streer him in that direction : (4 votes)
    3 %
    Drop it but resent him : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6368 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If he isn’t into it, I think pushing or “steering” him in that direction will cause resentment on his part and is pretty inappropriate. If you aren’t able to drop it, perhaps it isnt the relationship for you. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    749 posts
    Busy bee

    Why should it be every guy’s dream if it’s not every woman’s dream? Don’t push it. He has a right to feel how he does and want what he wants. Find someone else that IS into it! I’m sure you can. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    He may be warmed up to the idea but you may have to get creative with how you introduce it so that its subtle and not pushy.  I know several men who would not be into it with their spouses so hes not alone.  You may just have to have another conversation and ask him if its a dealbreaker for him.  If it is then you may have to move on as dealbraker topics are rarely negotiable. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    68 posts
    Worker bee

    That is a broad stereotype that it is every guys dream. I know everyone would be screaming for his head if he tried to pressure you into one. It is wrong to pressure him into a sexual act he doesn’t want to do. If it is that big of a deal to you, find a partner that is also into threesomes. But NO ONE, male or female, should be pressured into sexual acts that they do feel comfortable with. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    218 posts
    Helper bee

    mrs2014 :  I think “warming him up” to the idea is really disrespectful of someones boundaries. Also not fair to say “every guys dream” to have a threesome, because it isn’t. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    “every guys’s dream” is total BS. Don’t pressure him into this, and I think PP’s advice as to how to get creative in order to convince him to do this is terrible advice. If he said NO, then it’s a no and you need to respect that. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1626 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    this is going on the same lines of ‘she said no three times but since she said yes the fourth time it’s okay’ lines for me. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    5397 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Yes it’s pushy to try and “warm someone up to the idea” of something that they have expressed not wanting to do.

    If that is what you want from a partner then find a new one.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3583 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    mrs2014 :  the idea that a threesome is “every guy’s dream” is a pretty effing sexist attitude. i’d first start by examining your basis for these assumptions and recalibrate your thinking.

    Post # 11
    Member
    834 posts
    Busy bee

    If he doesn’t want one, drop it. Do not push it on him, that’s effing disrespectful. How would you feel if he pushed something on you that you didn’t want?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2823 posts
    Sugar bee

    You should never pressure anyone into sex they don’t want. If you do, he’s likely to end up resenting YOU.

    I’m bi and I’ve had boyfriends that were into it in the past, but my husband would hate it. Even though there’s part of him that likes the idea of me with another girl, in reality he doesn’t want to see me with anyone else – no matter their gender. You should respect your boyfriend’s boundaries, and if you can’t then you should date someone else. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    323 posts
    Helper bee

    How would you feel if he pressured you into doing something that you weren’t comfortable with/had no interest in doing?

    It’s creepy. Don’t.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee

     It is totally inappropriate to try to push someone’s sexual boundaries and “lead them” in the direction of something you know they don’t want to be a part of no matter what sex you are.  Being a female or saying “all men’s fantasy” doesn’t make it an OK thing for you to do.  Respect his boundaries, or exit the relationship and find someone whose desires are in line with yours. “Gently leading him to it” shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary if he’s said that is a boundary for him.

    Post # 15
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    Uhhhh wtf, no means no!

    I don’t care what other people do in their relationships, but for me, this is an absolute no-go, and if my guy were to continue to push the idea after I’ve already told him that it falls far outside my comfort zone, it would escalate into a complete dealbreaker. I mean think about it, you’re talking about trying to push (i.e. manipulate) him into sharing his most vulnerable and intimate self with some other person. Respect him when he says he doesn’t like to get down like that.

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