Threesomes. Again.

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
  • poll: What should I do about my threesome dream
    Forget about it if he isn't into it : (113 votes)
    94 %
    Gently streer him in that direction : (4 votes)
    3 %
    Drop it but resent him : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    Don’t push it. If you really really want one, and can’t live with out it, find another guy. Or you can drop it and be happy with what you have. 

    Not all men want threesomes, just like how not all women want kids. You can’t generalize people like that – ever person has individual wants and goals.

    Post # 17
    Member
    6438 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    If this is really your thing, then perhaps you and this man are simply incompatible. It is NOT okay to try to force someone to push their boundaries sexually if they are not interested. We would almost universally be against a man trying to do that to a woman, so extend this man the same courtesy. He knows what he is comfortable with, so if he says he’s not interested believe him. Then you have two options: Be satisfied with this man alone and give up your threesome fantasy for the duration of the relationship; break up with him and find a partner who is into living out the same fantasies that you are. There are plenty of men like that out there, but you would probably want to talk about it early in a relationship to weed out those who are not.

    Post # 18
    Member
    13590 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Don’t force, coerce, or “try to warm him up to” a sexual act he isn’t comfortable with or doesn’t want.  Doing that is disgusting and disrespectful.

    Post # 19
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    mrs2014 :  Do him a favor and find someone else.  That is total BS that its every guys dream. If this is something you can’t live without just move on and don’t force anyone to do something they are not comfortable with. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    573 posts
    Busy bee

    You sound very pushy and it’s actually pretty disrespectful to try and pressure him or “warm him up” to the idea of something he’s clearly not into. 

    If it’s “every man’s dream” then go find a man who will allow you to fulfill that dream but don’t pressure someone who just isn’t into it. It’s wrong and I’m sure you’d be screaming about injustices all over the place if the situation was reversed and he kept trying to pressure you into an unwanted threesome. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    880 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    You should just dump him. It’s clear from your poll options that the only way you’ll be happy is by partaking in a threesome. “Drop it but resent him” – really? You two aren’t compatible so you should end it. It’s incredibly inappropriate to try to push someone to do something they don’t want to do. Do both of yourselves a favor and end it.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - -

    Creepy . . . “steering him in that direction” definitely feels coercive and pressuring.

    Post # 23
    Member
    2579 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    Ok I may be the only one that gets where you are coming from. Growing up I was almost taught that being a lesbian was always a turn on for a guy and that all men wanted threesomes. As an adult I know this is not true.

    However, I am bicurious and have had a few threesomes, but none with me being in the relationship. I would gladly bring another girl into our relationship but my husband is not for it at all. 

    I learned early on in our relationship that he would never be okay with it and so I had to decide was it worth staying with someone and not getting that part of me fulfilled, or should I leave and choose someone else to be with that would also like to have a threesome. 

    I ended up choosing to ‘give up’ the idea of ever having a threesome again; it’s been ten years and I’m doing great so far. But there is a part of me that thinks maybe someday he might change his mind. If he does, he knows where I stand and can let me know. 

    Otherwise, I have to drop it and be okay with it. I suggest you do the same. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    590 posts
    Busy bee

    There is no way I would ever try a push something on my partner he wasn’t that into…especially a threesome! That can stir up jealousy and you can’t undo it once it done. If one of you doesn’t enjoy it, it will leave images in your mind that you won’t be able to get rid off. Maybe he doesn’t fantasize about you being with another girl…maybe you pushing this will make him question if he’s enough for you. For some people sex is a thing between two people and only two people. 

    If this means so much to you then break up and find someone up for it. 

    I just want to add….one of my best male friends is in a situation where his wife wants a threesome with a guy. My friend really doesn’t want to but is wondering whether to do it to make her happy. Last time I saw him he was really down about it and saying he’s worried the other guy will be bigger than him or she’ll enjoy it more with him. I felt awful for my friend and the fact he’s a male shouldn’t devalue his feelings. I know if a girl was in this situation and feeling pressured into a threesome not only would the bees say don’t do, but would probably say end this relationship. No one should make their partner, who they supposedly love, do something they don’t want to do. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    9810 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Go be single 

    Post # 26
    Member
    6806 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    How is “drop it but resent him” even an option here!?!?

    WTF? 

    Post # 27
    Member
    11652 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    when someone tells you what doesn’t work for them sexually, believe them. 

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    Girl, if a man were to try to coerce a woman to do something sexual that she wasn’t comfortable with, people from all over would be screaming the R word that sounds like grapes. 

    Check yourself. Don’t set double standards. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    3417 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    If this is that important to you, then you need to end things and go find someone with similar interests. 

    I cannot imagine what it would be like to have my husband resent me for not doing something he dreamed I did. That’s utterly ridiculous. Drop it and respect your partner’s wishes or move on. You can’t just coerce someone into being ok with a sexual act they aren’t interested in. Even if he decides to do it, he’ll be uncomfortable and resent you for it. Drop it (politely, not with resentnent) or leave.

    Post # 30
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    You need to dump him. If having a threesome is so important to you, the two of you as a couple are not compatible. 

    Trying to coerce anyone into doing something sexual that they are not comfortable with is fucking disgusting. If you were a man, you would be getting a whole slew of comments that far outnumbers what you have received so far. The double standard is pretty freaking gross. 

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