(Closed) Threw my ring out the car window :-(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Holy damn, girl! It’s good that you realize your behavior was irrational and, well, pretty crazy. If he was just texting her about “mundane formalities,” why did you get so upset? I think counseling is a good move, as a couple and alone. I’d suggest addressing how you handle anger and other strong emotions (because throwing a ring out of a car window onto a highway for a simple text is not a healthy response). Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m not a great advice giver, but….

I think counseling is a good idea.

I can’t imaging fighting like this one minute and “getting along famously” the next. Trust is obviously an issue if when he texts his ex over a car that you get upset and that he has to keep it a secret because you will get upset.

I think you have to look at your anger and why you would act in the way that you did when you got mad/upset whatever you were.

 

Post # 5
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Counselling would be a great step for the both of you to work on your relationship. Alcohol and repressed feelings never go well together (regardless of how short or long ago the “fight” was or regardless of what it was about).

Take time to focus on yourself. As long as you both focus on yourself and work to make yourselves better — your relationship should fall back in place.

Post # 6
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Although your actions were really questionable, why is he screaming at you that it’s over on a whim? And why isn’t this ex in the past where she belongs. “Whenever he mentions her” —- Why is he mentioning her so often? Do they have a child together? That would be the only reason, in my opinion.

When you love someone, you must learn to fight fair with them. This was more like a scene out of a movie and real life dosen’t work that way if you want a happy healthy relationship.

I’m sorry you are going through this. You are both wrong, however. You for acting crazy and ditto for him. He should also leave that ex in the past.

Post # 7
Member
7299 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you shouldn’t focus on engagement or even marriage at this point. Obviously there are some problems here. You know he owes a car with his ex. You know they speak about it. So he didn’t tell you about a recent mundane conversation. That’s not lying. You know they talk about it. He’s not 4. He doesn’t need to report into you every time they talk about the car. Breaking up over that is silly and shows you may not be ready for the long haul.

I can’t imagine him just breaking up with you in the car out of nowhere. If that’s the case, then he is not ready for the long haul. Therapy is good, but it’s not going to solve everything. How long have you been together?

Post # 8
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like you are not mature enough to be thinking about marriage.  That is not the way an adult behaves.

Post # 9
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I used to act like this when I fought with my high school boyfriend. I’ve obviously come a long way since then, when I get mad I still get at least a second of irrational behavior every time, the difference now is I’m able to supress it before it escalates out of control. I didn’t go to counseling for it, with time as I got older and more mature I just learned to deal with my emotions a little better. Hopefully with time and counseling you can figure out ways to deal with anger and improve communication so you avoid big blowouts that you later regret.

Post # 10
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JessyMess:People do stupid sh*t when we are angry.  It was a fight and you did something you normally wouldn’t do.  It was a mistake and you’re sorry about it; your Fiance will realize that with time.  Just learn from your mistake and you’ll be fine. 

I do think its a good thing that you’re going to counseling to talk through your issues.  That’s all you can do now.

I also tend to disagree with people when they say things like “you’re not ready for marriage” and such.  We don’t know the whole story, so in no way, should we be judging your relationship.  No one’s relationship is perfect and no one is perfect.  Some people just post their “unperfectness” on the boards more than others.

I wish you the best of luck 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is pretty bad- you should definitely think about anger management counseling or at least some self-help.  Its not ok to flip out about something like that.  Had he cheated on you- right on, sister.  I know that months into our relationship, my boyfriend’s ex contacted him by text once and he said some short things back, but it was more sort of like – hey i’m good, you…ok, have a nice life…that doesn’t mean it has an impact on our relationship.  You should definitely talk to him about his ex if it bothers you- it bugged me that they were  FB friends, and eventually he de-friended her because I just let.it.go.

Post # 12
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

things escalate because the communication is not there when you are both disagreeing. Good call on counseling

Post # 13
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

sounds like you need to grow up.

Post # 14
Member
10849 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with the PP’s, you all need to step back from engagement and marriage until you’ve done some counselling. Both of you sound like you need to learn to communicate better and how to argue without throwing a tantrum. Neither of you sounds ready for marriage yet. Are you going to get married and divorced over and over? If you two truly love each other, invest in your relationship and learn how to communicate calmly and effectively before you take the next step. It’ll be worth all the hard work and change.

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@mightywombat: agreed. 

you need to take a step back and if you and your Fiance do stay together, I recommend you don’t get married for a very long time (like, years) so you can both mature and also be totally sure you are right for each other.  couples in healthy relationsips don’t behave this way.

Post # 16
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Miss Tattoo: this is probably the first time I agree with you

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