- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Ok, I just need to get this all off my chest.
Two weeks ago, we had a fight over something stupid. Basically, he was texting his ex (mundane formalities about the car they owned together) and he kept it a secret from me. To his defense, I get upset whenever he mentions her, but he knows it was wrong to lie. I got irrationally upset and broke up with him, only to quickly reconcile after I calmed down.
Later that night, we were out with some friends (2-3 drinks a piece), and on the drive home, out of practically nowhere, he got angry/upset and broke up with me. He was screaming “it’s over! I’m done! Take the ring off! Move out tomorrow!” etc.. It was bad. I took the ring off and threw it out the car window onto the highway. He pulled over and we both got out of the car. He was (rightfully) pissed off, so he drove off without me, but came back after a minute. I stayed at his friends’ house that night and we spent the weekend apart because things were very emotional.
I went back to the scene of the crime the next day with my Mom and found the diamond and setting after about 4 hours of searching. Not only was it our engagement ring, but it was his Grandmother’s stone 🙁 I’ve never been so upset about anything. I felt like I had the best thing in the world, and I really did/still do believe that I’m the luckiest girl in the world to be in love with him and have him love me. I can’t get over the “what the hell is wrong with me!!!??”
As far as our relationship goes, we are very much in love and get along famously. When we fight, its over nothing. But it escalates so fast and we both get hurt. Neither of us have ever given the other reason to believe that we would be unfaithful, but I know I’m super insecure about being cheated on. Its so stupid because his ex really is not a threat to me. He never gave her his Grandmother’s ring.
I just don’t know why I messed it all up, and I keep waiting for someone to invent a time machine so I can take it back.
So, know we have a diamond and a setting, and a fiance who is understandably reluctant to have the thing put back together and back on my finger. I’m scared myself that it will happen again. I can hold on to how horrible I feel as a reminder to never take it off again, but then I will be feeling horrible. On the other hand, I could forgive myself, but I’m afraid to. Does that make sense to anyone?
We are going to couples counseling next week, and I need to see someone individually to deal with my own issues. So far, I decided I want to address: my anger, my insecurities, my instinct to sabotage relationships. Can anyone think of anything else?
Thanks for reading this all, and any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Even if you just want to tell me what an @$$ I am. I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me.