(Closed) Threw my ring out the car window :-(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Counselling is a great idea.  I recently went into counselling because I have terrible anger management issues and it is really helping, and our relationship is already improving.  Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
47421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m glad that you have already decided to go to counselling. There’s always something that all of us can learn to support a healthy relationship. This includes things like communication and fighting fairly.

Good luck!

Post # 19
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@janie-janie: I agree.

This sounds pretty extreme, yelling at each other and breaking up with each other after you got engaged makes me think you guys should have never gotten engaged in the first place. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but even if you guys get along well when you’re not fighting, the part where you argue over nothing worries me a lot. I am speaking out of a perfectly healthy relationship though, and likely don’t know exactly what you have to go through, but as the others suggested maybe counselling would help. There’s definitely a maturity and respect issue there as well, and even if things end up okay after counselling I would wait before you got engaged again.

 

Good luck.

Post # 20
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

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@mightywombat:  I second that.  

However, I’m going to go ahead and point out that counseling isn’t going to “fix” your relationship.  It’s just a tool to help you resolve issues that you may be struggling to work out.  Given your description of your relationship and the fights you’ve been having with your Fiance, I really would question whether counseling would help or if you both need to give yourselves some time to grow up.

Post # 21
Member
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Whoa.  I’m going to try and not be to brutal with this, and I mean what I’m about to say in the nicest way possible… But if both of ya’ll have that explosive of tempers and can’t have rational adult discussions without breaking up then you two probably aren’t at a place where ya’ll are mature enough to get married.

 

I say take a break, go to counseling and take your time before rushing down the isle.  Marriage is a huge commitment and you can’t (ok, you shouldn’t) take it lightly… If both of you are so willing to leave over little things then marriage shouldn’t be on the table.  Leaving shouldn’t be an option when you are married (unless there is abuse, cheating etc. of course) and sadly, a piece of paper saying you are married won’t make it any easier for either of you to control your tempers.

I’m sorry you are going through this, but I think you both need to grow up a bit before getting married.

Post # 22
Member
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Klb5882: 🙂 Well we should def have a party!

Post # 23
Hostess
11161 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@JessyMess: Basically, he was texting his ex (mundane formalities about the car they owned together) and he kept it a secret from me.  To his defense, I get upset whenever he mentions her, but he knows it was wrong to lie.

Am I missing something here? Why would someone lie over something mundane? Are you the type of person to fly off the handle at any mention of an ex, even if it is something “mundane.”

I find it ironic that after that conversation and a few drinks things randomnly unravled. Either there are details missing or something else is going on with him (and possibly the ex) that isn’t being discussed.

There is a serious need for communication and honesty here!

Post # 24
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly, if I was told “Take the ring off and move out tomorrow” I would do the same, or similar…Especially in  my situation, when I don’t work and don’t earn money,don’t have a car, moving out means go and live on the street. I am very vulnerable on this issue.

You souldn’t eat yourself so much for it, you did what felt right at the  moment. I would be annoyed if my fiance communicated with his ex, it’s reasonable.

Post # 25
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

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@mightywombat: Word.

Post # 26
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think counseling sounds like a fantastic option for the two of you!  Once you take a step back from the engagement to work on you both and you as a couple, then maybe you can focus on an engagement again.

I also hate to sound like a mother hen, 2-3 drinks = neither of you should be driving.  Please don’t drink and drive, that mixed with your anger can end in tragedy for not only you, but for some other innocent passerby. 

Post # 27
Member
3147 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

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@Lillindy: 2-3 drinks = neither of you should be driving

you are right. please don’t drink and drive!!!

Post # 28
Member
3360 posts
Sugar bee

As much as your reactions seem to be very out of line with the situation, I also think that sometimes we need to listen to our instincts.

Too often it seems like women try to ignore their intuition, to not raise a fuss, to be a good partner. It often back fires though.  If someone has an over the top reaction I wonder if maybe there is something going on that’s pinging your Spidey sense.

Personally, I have never had a strong reaction like that with Fiance, but he’s never given me anything that could be interpreted badly.  He avoids even the appearance of impropriety.  We both do.  People with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

OP, I don’t know anything about your Fiance or his ex.  So I don’t know if it means anything in your care. 

Post # 29
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you have some things to work out before you resume your engagement. I’m not saying it won’t work out in the long run, but these “fights over nothing,” especially those that blow out to this kind of proportion, need to be figured out and stopped before you prepare to walk down the aisle.

Like PPs, counseling is probably a good idea. Figure out WHY you’re having these issues and why you’re so jealous of the ex. And why he’s willing to blow up so easily and hiding it from you. We’ve all been through things like this… But get it worked out.

If you can’t get it figured out, then it’s not right.

Good luck. Go on a girl’s weekend.

Post # 30
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Lillindy: Totally to the drunk driving.

View original reply
@JessyMess: I understand anger and jealousy, however you were over dramatic. It’s great that you can own up to that though, that’s the first step. Second step, definitely give a solid year of talking things out with a professional and getting help together. If the behavior continues then it doesn’t sound like either of you are benefiting from being in the relationship and you’ll need to end it, in my opinion.

So did he mean to actually break up with you that night or was it the alcohol talking? Alcohol or not, those things just aren’t said unless you mean them…

I hope you guys figure things out!

Post # 31
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Are you really young?  In a situation like this, knowing your age would definitely shed some light on the reasons this happened.

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