threw out exboyfriend

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

That’s normal given what you’ve been through , he’s been manipulating you for years so of course you are questioning yourself! Are you able to see a therapist who specializes in domestic violence? Even if only a few sessions, I think talking to someone would be really helpful for you in recovery. Friends, family and people online can help, but someone who has experience in helping victims will be the best thing for you. I wish I had gone to therapy after leaving my abuser! 

Post # 32
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper

Confuscious10 :  You’ve done the right thing for yourself and your child. Get a lawyer. Do not give him the car, because that’s what you would be doing–he won’t pay you for it. Change the locks, change your schedule, find a therapist to work on your self-esteem and what to look for in a healthy relationship. A bad man IS NOT better than no man. Repeat that as many times as you need to to believe it.  Hugs. 

Post # 34
Member
6167 posts
Bee Keeper

Confuscious10 :  You have to stop contacting him this way, it will not help your case when you are trying to deal with legal issues such as visitation with your child. Put your child first. Research therapists or write in a journal or post on the Bee if you can’t sleep. Alphabetize your spices. Do laundry. Almost anything else is a healthier choice.

Post # 35
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

I am not sure but it sounds like you should block his number. Anything you text him could be used against you if you ever need to go to court for anything regarding your child. Please keep that in mind and try to be the bigger person. 

Post # 37
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I always have a hard time hearing these kinds of posts because everyone glosses over what got the OP there in the first place. I understand what is done is now done but it deserves being pointed out. Maybe OP you can avoid making these mistakes again in the future. Don’t date men who already have 3 kids with 3 separate women, and don’t ignore those red flags and then pile on another kid with him into the mix. You made some really bad choices here. I hope you can get the help you need in getting away from this guy for your safety. And really try to learn from this. Being single the rest of your life is way better than dating trash. I also highly recommend seeing if your local violence against woman shelter has free therapy sessions for you to start. 

Post # 40
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Stop communicating with him! This is toxic. I get it, I really do. I’ve been in my own toxic relationships. You just have to rip the Band-Aid off and not respond to his texts anymore. I strongly suggest that you find a counselor to help you through this.

Post # 42
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

You should not even remotely consider wanting him back, so stop contacting him and stop responding to any communication from him. The time for accusations and recriminations is over. 

As a PP said, dating this guy at all should have been a non starter. With three baby mama’s and limited contact with his kids, and not being financially independent, he was a dreadful loser from the start. You deserve better. Don’t waste time on even one date with someone like this ever again.

The best way to teach your child to be successful and value themselves is to demonstrate that with how you live and the people you associate with. 

Post # 43
Member
2972 posts
Sugar bee

Why are you poking your abuser? You need to focus on the wellbeing of your child. Go see your local DV group for help and counseling.

Eta: the more I think about it, I realize the time for kid gloves is over. If you don’t stop, this guy is going to kill you. And your child will be an orphan. Is that what you want?

Post # 45
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Do not respond to his texts and STOP texting him! 

When you want to text him or respond, write down what you wanted to text in a notebook, that way you get out what you need to get out but you arnt communicating with him. Block his number. 

You can blame each other and accuse each other all day but that doesn’t change the reality of the situation. He isn’t going to change! 

You paid all the bills, you took care of your child without much help, you helped with his other kids, he wouldn’t even watch your child, he never celebrated you with birthday or Valentine’s Day appreciation, he cheated on you. Telling him those things changes nothing. He is who he is. What are you expecting him to magically be like, You are so right and magically become a great involved father, treat you the way a loving partner should and start financially contributing to your family? Because that is never going to happen!

You had every reason to move on! Now do it! Move on! You were practically a single mother before now you are one. Celebrate the fact that you took the trash out by moving on and not communicating with him and bettering your life. As long as you are communicating with him you are stuck in the past and in that unhealthy relationship, you finally had the courage to leave the relationship, now leave! Stop talking to him! Buy yourself some flowers, find a gym with a daycare and own your life! Why would you want this man in your life? What are you expecting to get out of texting him? 

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